Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Best Laid Plans

I found yesterday's post to be pretty amusing, though true. Happy everyone enjoyed it. I had another article I was going to post about, but I failed to bookmark it. It was along the same lines as yesterday, except a woman was interviewing her male colleagues about their boners. I thought it was funny - and interesting - and hoped to ask the same questions of my readers. The best laid plans....
So, I got nothing today. Plus, I've been trying to fight off some type of bug since Saturday. Fever, swollen glands, sore throat, clogged sinuses... So, I think I'll just lie around and chill out.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Kinds of Boners

Frank Kabota wrote a list for Cosmopolitan magazine: "The 18 Kinds of Boners Guys Experience."

He didn't get them all - or, he's re-imagined the cause, but I thought it would be fun to share with you. It rather proves the well-worn theory that our cocks have a mind of their own.

1. The Pee Boner. This is a fake-out boner that really just happens when you really, really, really have to pee, and goes away right after, like stepping on a garden hose.
2. The Morning Boner. This greets you in the morning with a stiff hello, like a butler that can only pee and ejaculate. This boner is the Egg McMuffin of morning sex: The two go well together and are even better with hash browns.
3. The Ghost Boner. This one comes along and leaves like the wind. There's nothing happening around you to set it off, there's no one to see it. It's just there and gone like an apparition.
4. The Gym Boner. This kind of thing can happen at the gym as his blood is flowing all over the place and inadvertently sloshing into his penis, filling it up.* Hopefully he’s got a good pair of compression shorts on, otherwise his boner is going to be pretty noticeable in those sweatpants.
*NOTE: This isn’t really how blood or erections or anything actually work, but gym boners still happen.
5. The “Time to Consult a Physician” Boner. It’s the boner that lasts more than four hours. The one that won’t go away. Maybe it’s too erect. Maybe it’s painful. It might not literally be worth a trip to a doctor, but it’s worth consulting Web MD to make sure it’s normal.
6. The "I Don't Know How I Should Feel" Boner. We're watching something on TV, like reruns of The Nanny, when suddenly a boner shows up out of nowhere and forces us to come to terms with the fact that we're sexually attracted to Fran Drescher's weird accent for some reason.
7. The Inappropriately Timed Boner. This boner pops up at a time that just makes us feel dirty and we really have no idea why its there, like when our dad is saying grace at Thanksgiving dinner. Unlike No. 4, we know in our heart that boner is there for no reason and usually can go away with a little bit of focus. It's just our penis being a free spirit.
8. The Classic Boner. You can't beat a classic (well, I guess in this case you can). This is the pre-sex boner that shows up right when we need it most. This is our penis being a bro(ner) and doing exactly what it's supposed to do exactly when it's supposed to do it.
9. The Night Boner. This boner shows up right when we want to go to sleep and makes it tough to fall asleep on anything other than on our back. We're forced to either wait things out or lose 20 minutes of sleep negotiating with it.
10. The Attention-Seeker. This boner pops up when we're in a public place, or worse, doing a presentation at work. "Hey, what's going on," this boner says. "Let me show you my PowerPoint." This is pretty much every boner we got throughout middle school and most of high school. They're less common when we're adults but we can still get them on occasion.
11. The Forever Boner. This boner thinks we're buds and just wants to hang out a bunch. It's like that friend that comes over and then doesn't take the signals a few hours later that it's time for them to leave because you're tired. In both cases, the only way to get them to leave is by masturbating.
12. The Legendary Boner. Not all boners are created equal. Sometimes we just wind up getting a boner that has that certain je ne sais quoi that really elevates it above the other boners we normally get. It somehow feels extra manly, like a Viking boner.
13. The Marathoner aka the Tag-Team. This is the boner that shows up right after another boner after sex like, "Yo, what's up? This penis doesn't even know what flaccid is."
14. The Sad Boner. This is the opposite of No. 10. It's a boner by definition, but nothing more, like our penis just isn't feeling it. Seeing it instantly makes you sad, like an abandoned baby carriage or present-day Aaron Carter.
15. The Sweatpants Boner. Sweatpants are a boner's tuxedo. While a boner in and of itself, these boners know they're out and they don't have a care in the world.
16. The Public Bathroom Boner. For some reason, our penis decides when we're sitting on a public toilet seat, now is the time to get hard. All we can do at this point is to start writing out our will, because we want to die.
[Of course, he left out the boner at the urinal]
17. The Denim Non-Boner. The moments when our jeans bunch up in just the wrong way, causing us to desperately try to explain to an uncomfortable stranger, "Oh, don't worry! That isn't my penis!" and now somehow things are worse.
18. The “Haven’t Seen You in a While, Old Friend” Boner. There will come a time in a man’s twilight years when he will yearn for the frequent, spontaneous boners of his youth. But then a boner will pop up to say hello and remind him of his golden years. And he’ll smile, wistfully, and as the blood drains from his penis for the last time, he will realize he has nothing else to look forward to now except the sweet release of death.
Of course, that's a rather bleak outlook. It's not always the case. Lots of guys are still quite capable to getting and maintaining a boner no matter how old they get.

Friday, November 17, 2017

When Exercise Kills Boners

On November 8, I did a post about the phenomenon of getting erections while working out. Yes, it happens and it's normal.

But, in researching that question, I found that some men also have trouble getting a hard-on after they work out.
Sometimes for hours, sometimes for days. If it's only a few hours, you've got nothing to worry about. If you wake up the next morning with wood, you're good to go.
According to all I could find, this is the body's response to the straining of muscle mass - that is where the blood is needed and that's where it gets sent. Essentially, when we work out, we are, in a way, damaging the muscle. Blood rushes to help the repair. Between that, and the body being tired (perhaps sore) after a long, heavy workout, the cock isn't going to respond well. Guys report being able to get a semi-boner later in the day, or week.

But not the full hard-on they know they should be able to achieve.

If exercise is killing your boners, ease up on the gym schedule. Overdoing it may give you huge muscles and if that's all you care about, go for it. Enjoy it. There are forums suggesting that after-workout supplements one can take to help your little friend recover. But, use them with caution - many of these have never gone through rigorous testing. Some workout supplements like steroids and unneeded testosterone shots or boosters can have a detrimental impact by shrinking and shriveling the goods.
Boners are your friend. 
Don't put yours in jeopardy. Remember: Moderation. Work out, get in shape, get bulked-up if that's your thing. Just keep your cock in mind when you're planning a workout routine.
Have a good weekend!

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Missing Balls

Unlike breast implants that can be used to augment what nature provided, testicular implants are used to replace what has gone missing. Guys can lose one or both balls to injuries. Testicular torsion, sports, household accidents, and many are military guys who've been hit by shrapnel.

If I have a good, solid boner when I wake in the morning that's the first thing which gets my attention. Next is the itchy ballsac. So, typically, I'll be scratching on the way to take the morning piss. (Am I the only guy who experiences this?)

Then, of course, the balls are prevalent in my thoughts again as I shower and shave, because I shave my cock and sac. So, if one or both of my nuts was missing, I'd be reminded first thing each day. 

I'm especially cognizant of them during any sexual activity - we guys absolutely love to have our balls played with. It would bother me to have a loose, saggy sac of skin where my balls should be.
Ladies, what would you encourage your husband or significant other to do?
Guys, what would be your decision?