"My wife died last year and now I'm a single dad with twin tween boys. They came home from school where some older boys told them to "go away" and "go home and jack off like the little shits you are." Now they want to know what that is. Is it too soon to educate them on masturbation?"
First, allow me to express my condolences on the loss of your wife. It's got to be tough on you and your sons. But this job would've fallen to you, anyway. As it should. Dads need to be as open and honest as possible. It's the best way to be a positive role model.
My answer is: If they're asking, it's not too soon. It's the perfect time.
Sit them down and tell them what it is; that it's normal, natural, and healthy. Answer any questions as forthright as possible. Provide appropriate reading material.
Especially answer the one question that I guarantee will be asked.
"Do you do it?"
I strongly urge you to be honest.
Because you do, don't you?
22 comments:
Your advice is very spot on.
That school teacher is J.W. King, I believe. Or Jon King... they look so much alike.
How cool. Yep. Make it no big deal. And answer all questions honestly, without the creep factor seeping in.
The question I have is how do you educate them on masturbation? Is a demonstration in order? Bananas? Dildos?
--PaulMmn
...and what literature is appropriate as an introduction to masturbation?
--PaulMMn
Yes, if they're asking, it's time to talk to them about it.
The idea that young people (like tweens) would have to reach an ideal age to 'have the talk' is preposterous. Even if they don't have asshole classmates, they'll start wondering about things on their own.
Also, good idea about providing reading material and the opportunity for discussion. And about being sincere. A healthy outlook towards sex starts at home.
XOXO
how old are these guys?
Suggested Reading Material:
Since I'm mostly self-taught, I really don't know what's out there to tell young men about their bodies, how they work, and how much fun their bodies can be!
For advanced reading:
The BigWhackAttack.blogsport.com (for a wide variety of answers...)
Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men by Jack Morin, PhD
TRUST, the hand book by Bert Herman
For light reading:
Heroes With Hardons: The Big Book of Class Comics
--PaulMmn
Sure I do it, and here's why.... Then do some research and see what's out there to provide themas other sources of teaching. This is not a one time and done deal.
Yep, perfect teaching opportunity. Hugs and bisous.
I was VERY lucky. My dad caught me jerking off, did not bat an eyelash. We were camping, and he told me not to be afraid to talk to him about it or ask any questions. Next morning we both woke up with hard ons. I asked him if he jacked, and he promptly stroked himself, and ejaculated. After that, out barrier was gone, and I am grateful to him for teaching me the truth.
Good advice all around. If thy bring it up that even takes some of the pressure off.
I agree that they are old enough to know about it in an age appropriate way.
I would say the ideal time to have any talk with boys about their bodies and future development into men is before it becomes an issue, like in this case, as it prepares them with a healthy attitude to combat being told its vile or other misinformation. Now the OP not only has to educate about masturbation, but also undo the harm the other boys have created.
You wouldn't wait until a boy has his first nocturnal emission and being scared by it before preparing him, any more than a Mother would leave her daughter to be scared by her first menstrual period without prior education.
People are far too reactive and not pro-active in many areas of life and natural events create far more stress and anxiety than they should.
Always apply the boy-scout motto: be prepared!
I don't believe you can have too much information too early.
I'm often mentioning here that boys can masturbate and experience multiple orgasms before physically being able to ejaculate and that this experience can help them develop multiple orgasms in adult life under their control. Unfortunately many boys never accidentally discover masturbation for themselves at an early enough age to develop this experience and control, or feel it is something wrong to explore, and develop shame around what is a normal physical activity and capability of men. It would be preferable that Fathers explain the male body to their sons early enough for them to actively explore its development without shame and thus all have the opportunity to develop a more fulfilling sexuality in later life, not leaving it to chance discovery. To me, not allowing boys and men to reach their full potentials through trial and error and lack of information is a form of abuse.
Erections are another area that boys need to be educated about early, so they aren't shamed by this natural event that also occurs at inopportune times, during a crisis.
The interesting element for society to grapple with is how graphic should a Father's involvement be in educating his sons about the natural male body and its development and experiences: should he be able to provide an example of himself as a model to accompany any verbal discussion (a picture says a thousand words and a physical example is much more present and real than an emotionless remote description in a book) without it being seen as abuse? From my perspective, abuse is when a Father does not properly educate his sons to be prepared for real life. Fathers are role models for their sons and the advantages of bonding can not be overstated: sons need to be comfortable in asking their Fathers anything to do with being a man without being rebuked or shamed and Fathers need to be comfortable in responding. Young men are very inquisitive but often afraid of openly addressing their concerns for fear of an angry response. I have often felt that it would be preferable for Fathers to be the educators than boys exploring in the outside world where they would be exposed to potential abuse by older men or equally uninformed trial and error with peers.
One of the previous posts was about a Father who explained about erections and masturbation to his son, only to have his son reveal he saw his Father masturbate a few times despite the Father's "care" in keeping it private. So, the boy would have been better prepared if the Father had explained what it is like being a man before being inadvertently exposed to things that were not discussed beforehand. I guess what I am trying to say is that as much as we might try to cocoon boys from natural experiences of life to "protect" them, in all likelihood they will discover it anyway, but be unprepared for that revelation and possibly misinterpret it. Masturbation is only kept private so it doesn't bother others, not that it is a shameful practice that needs to be done furtively and in secret.
@ Upton - I think it's Jon King...if memory serves.
@ Six - They certainly will start looking for answers on their own. And that isn't always a good thing. Better to put them on the right track. XOXO
@ Xersex - In the US, "tweens" typically indicates 11 pr 12.
@ PaulMmn - Thanks for providing the answers to your question about reading materials. An, for citing this blog as one of them. 😊
@ Jean - Oh, spot on. The teaching moments will come at a rapid pace now and a good father will be up to the task. Hugs and bisous.
@ BigDude - You had a really understanding and forward thinking dad.
@ Maddie - Yup. If they're asking, they're old enough to he told the truth.
@ Anon - well stated. All of it. We prepare girls for menarche, but never prepare boys for the first ejaculation - whether that comes in the form of masturbation or a wet dream. Should it occur as a wet dream it is doubly scary for a kid who has been taught nothing.
I learned about masterbation from a second cousin at a family reunion. We were in a double seater outhouse. At home my great aunt lived next door and she had an old outhouse near her chicken coup. I would sneak in it a lot and when I shot for the first time I thought I had broken my penis, (didn't know any other name for it back then). Had no one to ask and was scared. After about a week and it didn't fall off and could still pee, I was less worried. The incident didn't stop me from masterbating one day.It was aDICKtive.
@ whkattk 8:59 AM - boys need to be prepared well before ejaculation lest they miss out on an important development step that society has kept silent about. However, it's not just ejaculation, but sexual hygiene too: I developed an inflammation under the foreskin as a young lad because no-one told me I needed to clean it. Perhaps it's less of an issue in the USA because many boys are routinely genitally mutilated (circumcised) as infants and forced through a terrible traumatic ordeal which they say they don't remember, but I think the subconscious remembers.
Considering the 1700's and 1800's society discouraged masturbation through various torture devices, the Victorian era dismissed sex as anything except for procreation (to the extent of not recognising womens sexuality at all), plus the lack of early education even to this day, it seems like there has been a concerted effort to dissuade men from sexual fulfillment by treating them as mushrooms or worse.
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