Morning.
"Young dudes have it so much easier than we did back in the day. We struggled to get a grip on what we were going through. They only need to ask Google what morning wood is or why they get so many hard-ons and wham! there's the answer. No question just an observation."
It's true. And it's also a good thing, I think. Well, to a certain point. The internet is good until it's not.
A lot of porn can be misleading - just like Hollywood films. It's not reality and if they aren't instructed on the differences we get things like "Your body, my choice." kind of bullshit.
Mom and Dad --- especially Dad when it comes to boys --- should still be instructing them.
31 comments:
Yeah, but I miss the mystique of the old days when porn was relegated to the adult magazine section of the local newsstand. Those old pocket magazines that were little novellas of printed stories that enticed you to use your imagination and lovingly and slowly stroke as you digested each written word. The stuff today is too immediate - 75 seconds of a guy stroking and popping a nut where (I) have to replay it several times before I am even remotely close to cumming. Sure, technology, yeah, but... does anyone read anymore?
AS the father of a son, I am proud to say my son and I have had many conversations about the anatomy and sex over the years. My Dad wouldn't even bring it up. My Mom did to my extreme embarrassment more than once lol. I had a friend in college who talked to me about everything. He and I were also jerk off buddies in college. He told me that his dad was always naked when his mom was gone and sometimes when she was home. There was just him and one older brother. Between his dad and brother, he got some real time instruction on masturbation and other topics as they regularly had boners around the house or were catching each other jerking off. He said that it seemed natural to him until he mentioned it to a friend in high school who turned on him and made it a bad thing for him by telling a couple of friends. Thinking back on it, he was happy he had the experiences. While I wasn't comfortable going that far with my son, I was glad to do my part to my comfort level and made sure that he got what he needed from me. It's a parent's job to make sure their children are well adjusted and have the answers to questions that they need.
You are absolutely right.
Well, that could be partially true.
If a guy had some decent sex ed and understanding parents, it was not a problem. The problem was shitty sex ed and wingnut parents.
And the internet can be very, very good or very very bad. You are correct.
XOXO
I don't think there is such a thing as a weird boner... only welcome ones.
There certainly was a mystique about it all. Especially within the written word. I can attest that very few people read anything, anymore. Porn clips today do leave a lot to be desired, but there are some decent ones out there - like Legend Men.
It's really too bad that the one HS did that. I hope your friend managed to overcome that --- in fact, I hope it didn't change thing for him at home.
I'd say you did very well. Fathers don't need to jack off with their sons in order to instill a healthy attitude about it or about sex in general.
I try, Rick. I try....
Ah, see? Decent sex ed --- they don't even get that. They get too much from the internets.
XOXO
That's my attitude too. Well, it's been my attitude since the military, anyway.
I Thank Google is fantastic for “is this normal?“, “ why can’t I”, “What will happen if I…”. And there will be 10,000 answers out there the YouTube video, etc.
I've always thought the picture of the fully-clothed guy staring across the room at the boner was very much like the picture of
Dustin Hoffman staring at Anne Bancroft's leg as she prepares to seduce Hoffman!
Kids (And just about everyone else ) knows how to ask the questions, they use the Internet as a resource constantly. It’s no different than if you’re trying to repair something, you Google a question and there are a gazillion answers and the videos to go with it. We all use it. Hugs and bisous.
When I was a kid my Dad always kept an open doors for me to talk about my concerns and doubts about my body. One day he show me his stacks of Penthouse magazines in our basement. Boner is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes he asked me if I masturbate today, how many times do I masturbate a week, you should be masturbating everyday he says!
Someone said that learning about sex from porn is like learning how to drive from car chase movies. It's misleading about sex itself and worthless at relationships or even biology.
@whkattk - whilst it isn't a requirement to demonstrate something in order to educate and I wouldn't want any Dad to do anything they are uncomfortable with, a picture says a thousand words, personal involvement fosters identification and bonding, and discomfort suggests there is something wrong with whatever it is, reinforcing a mixed message.
I don't see a difference between a Dad educating a son or directing the lad to porn where another man demonstrates something, except that the porn may be misleading and it doesn't have a bonding and identification bonus.
At a minimum, Dads need to be comfortable naked in the presence of their sons and vice versa as a prelude to being in the presence of other men naked. Being naked will likely coincide with a boner at some point, which provides an opportunity to explain that particular phemomenon without shame as boners can occur for many reasons, which then leads on to the pleasure aspect and the theoretical procreation aspects. It also creates an environment of closeness and trust, that enables a Dad to encourage a son to ask about anything without fear or favour and to introduce the concept of diversity. My own Dad was so distant I was afraid to ask him about anything, not knowing what his reaction would be.
I guess I am more encouraging Dads to be models for education and identification purposes and to explain the changes that are going to occur in the lad as he matures. I think it becomes complicated when that interaction becomes sexual as its difficult to ignore the power differential due to authority that can negate consent. However, I know from experience that a lad can desperately want to connect with another male at an early age, but is forced to seek that experience with others who may be just as blind as they are and re-inventing the wheel, when their loving Dad is probably the safest and most instructive environment. Most men experiment during their lives, so as Dads they probably already understand the situation: it would be a shame to deprive a lad of the opportunity to initiate something themselves, where consent is then not a problem.
It's complicated and challenging though, so not surprising this is not talked about more openly.
I was born in 1983, but I was an early bloomer, having my first wet dream at 9.
My cousin explained masturbation to me when I was 7 and he was 13. It felt good, but at least initially didn't preoccupy me the way it would later.
My dad was shy. He actually took me to Planned Parenthood, which was in another state. The pamphlets were confusing because they were all circumcised. (No man in my family is.) But at least it was something in those pre-internet days.
The real issue today is these manosphere types. Professional misogynists, all of them. Andrew Tate, for instance, is a convicted pimp.
My dad and I jerked off together a lot after my mom passed. And he showed me grips and strokes, too. I never gave it any thought, really. He rented rooms to a couple men who worked for him, and they had no hang ups about shooting a load. Dad built gym showers because we all needed to roll out at the same time, so I was in college before I learned that this was "not normal." To this day, I am not ashamed of it, but, except in a forum like this, I don't discuss it.
It IS complicated and challenging. Sadly, I think, here in the US, anyway, we are about to take a leap backward about 7 decades.
It's true. Then we have to sift through them to understand which are the most honest and accurate.
Hugs and bisous!
I never made that connection - now I will forever when seeing that photo.
We sure do. AI is getting better at delivering more accurate answers, too. Hugs and bisous.
You have a good dad. Masturbating daily is pretty normal for young guys. As we age, the frequency should never drop below twice per week.
That's a great analogy!
I think that was smart of your dad. If he couldn't bring himself to discuss things. People forget that Planned Parenthood helps both men and women - they aren't only about abortion.
No reason to be ashamed of it. But you're wise to contain the discussion to safe spaces (like this one).
I have to say, ChatGPT gives a random (and almost always wrong) answer.
A lady in bra and panty in a catalogue were the most daring thing you could find, in my grandfdad's time, he was married before he saw a nude woman picture. He was a Playboy fan from the start and my lucky dad took advantage of that. I think about that when I see the transformation of technology, my grandfather would be a big fan of the internet. One time my dad went into the toilets and noticed wanking sounds into the booth next to his and told me remember his dad too!
Sex Ed for us was one class during high school/college. One 45min class when everyone is around 16. It was also a video. We learned absolutely nothing from it other than confusion with some of the words used (it was an American video). We found out after that we got the class earlier compared to other year levels as someone in our year level got pregnant.
My learning was from porn (no father; parents split when I was still a baby). I had a few positive encouragement about not being embarrassed about your own body from my grandfather and that was it until I finished school and started doing kickboxing. Our coach was open with nudity and jerking off it would become part of our training (train, showers and jerk off).
My partner and his dad they are more like best friends than father/son (they not that far apart in age either; his parents were young). They have always been nude around each other and jerking off is nothing to them. If they can do it naked they will and if decisions can be made through a jerk off contest they will.
When his dad comes to stay with us or we go over to his parents house we all go nude (his Dad doesnt like staying in the house on his own when his mother goes overeas or does trips with her friends). The only time clothes go on is if we are cold or are going to leave the house.
Wanking in men's rooms was and still is pretty common. Made all the more easier these days with cell phones.
That is the kind of father-son relationship all men should have. They went through puberty and know what it's like, how tough it can be. I don't understand men who don't - or can't - be open and honest with their offspring.
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