I had a post all ready to go, and then this email popped into the Inbox:
"Thanks for your blog. I appreciate all of the advice and insights you offer.
I read with interest your approach to the email from a reader who, while sheltering in place with his buddy, went from jacking off together to more intimate sexual activity and his concern about whether that means they are gay.
I’m in a somewhat similar situation but with some twists. I don’t have to wonder if I’m gay - I am. I came out in high school.
I’m a grad student who had to leave campus and am sheltering with my dad. We’ve always been open about sex and sexuality and he’s fine with my being gay. A few days in to the lockdown, he walked in on me watching porn and masturbating. He quickly said “sorry” and turned to leave but then turned around and asked if he could join me. I didn’t know how to react but mumbled “okay” and he dropped his pants and we jacked off together. At some point he asked to switch to straight porn and I said okay.
My parents are divorced and I’m sure dad has various sexual partners over the last couple of years, but not for a while, of course. We didn’t talk about what happened for a couple of days, but finally he said he was sorry he had walked in on me and wanted to know how I felt about it. I told him I was surprised at first and didn’t know how to react, but that as time went on it felt okay.
One thing led to another and we’ve had several masturbation sessions together and have even started giving each other a helping hand. Knowing I’m gay, he has asked if I would be willing to go further. I’m not sure how to respond to that. Where do I draw the line? Or do I? Given that neither of us is in a monogamous sexual relationship, who knows when either of us will feel safe to have a sex partner again?
I’d be curious to read what you and your readers might have to say about this whole situation."
I think Faithful Reader Jean stated it well in her comment on the post you reference: "Necessity is the mother of invention."
I think you're very lucky to have a non-judgmental dad who doesn't have a problem with you being gay, that's for sure, and one who not only understands the need for release but is open and honest about it to the extent he is.
Your initial reaction to his request to join you is understandable. Though, I'll say I'm glad you agreed because I don't think a father - if they're open about guys masturbating - to masturbate together wouldn't be all that unusual. Even to the point of lending a hand.
To go further? Where do you draw the line? Or do you draw the line? It's completely up to you, of course; you are both adults and it's consensual. If it's not one-sided, if he's planing on being reciprocal, if he's exploring his own sense of previously limited orientation, fine.
If it's a completely usury situation where he's only looking for you to suck his cock, or allow him to fuck you but you get nothing and are left to your own devices, I'd say no.
What say you, Readers?
22 comments:
I think it's very commendable that his father is non judgmental and open...BUT I would have to draw the line at masturbating. That just seems to uncomfortable for me and the father thing ...I don't know. Sounds as if it's all going to happen anyway. the thought of doing stuff with my dad makes me shutter and feel, I don't know, dirty or something, and he was a nice looking man but still. And then how do they deal with the aftermath if they later feel uncomfortable and awkward around each other. I know I would. And if it ever got out...there would be huge backlash.
I would be totally weirded out by the whole situation!
All this while respecting the sanitary safety distances linked to the Covid-19, of course.
I have no doubt about it, obviously.
Or so little.
Hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat;
The idea appealed to me with both my father and brother. It never happened.
Can we just say no?
I would have no problem pushing the situation forward! Perhaps his dad has a homosexual side which he now has the temptation to explore. There is no risk of children, as in the case of heterosexual relationships. I would say not to fear. Indeed, the relationship could become more intimate and not just sexually. You are two conscious and consenting adult men.
Whoa.
There’s SO much porn around exploring this taboo. So. Much.
But I can imagine how it’d freak someone out if it happened to them. I had dalliances with cousins when I was a teen, but I don’t have brothers and my dad passed years ago, so I have no idea what to say. He kept his boner with dad in the room, so he was not repulsed?
I have no idea what to say. One thing is porn, that’s fantasy. Another totally different is real life.
XoXo
No, no and no. What if it was his mother? Parents don't have sex with their children. Ever
Constant, enthusiastic consent.
If they're both OK with it, why not?
My son and I have exchanged blow jobs, but haven't gone any further.
We're totally comfortable with it. Either one of us can go around the house naked, jerk off in front of the other without feeling embarrassed or a need to jump in. Just letting each other be who we are. It seems completely natural.
I'm even naked around his boyfriend he has over for gaming.
Sorry but I think they have "cabin fever" and it's hard to think clear. They have a lifetime ahead for both of them, and one day they will look back and wonder what they were thinking.
There's just too many emotions tied into this relationship that could end up with jealousy, anger, and really damage both of their self-worth.
It just seems to be too high a price to pay, you only have one father and only one relationship with him. So that is my personal opinion,
We ALL have cabin fever!! Hugs and bisous.
That's the thing, though: Cousins and brothers are different relationships than father-son.
I think the answer depends a lot on existing lines of communication. You're going to have a lot to talk about and if you and your dad already are able to easily talk about important personal stuff, that's a sign that can keep exploring. Starting with jo until you're really comfortable makes sense to me.
The dad doing his boy is a fantasy for many. But usually, only that. A fantasy. I do like a manly man being the top and a slim gentle twink being the bottom, it's only natural to me that way. Monogamy as well. The only way.
Each to their own, though.
@ Jean - Cabin Fever is striking - hard. Newfound issues of now having to spend 24/7 are bounding in to view. We need to find ways to separate ourselves in this quarantine, and find ways to connect. What a conundrum!
@ Sixpence - I hear what you're saying. I had plenty of j/o sessions with my brother, our friends, cousins...it was no big deal, we had fun. I suppose if he didn't lose his boner, he's okay with that - and they're locked down together, they may as well be able to jerk off without embarrassment or shame. Going any further than that must be completely up to the son - and dad better not pressure for it.
Personally, my response wound be a resounding "No". A father is supposed to support, nurture, protect, and teach his son to he a man; not to make him a victim. Based on what we were told this father seems to be a predator.
Yes, he is very fortunate to have this in his life. It's not about who it is. It's about the sharing of sexual energy and just being what we are. A sexually intelligent creature of nature. I think there would be many a guy who had wished such an open way of life with all.
Well, okay, we may as well chime in. we are very comfortable being naked with our dad around and so is he. we've seen him jerk off and we know he's seen us do it so now that we're all stuck here together yeah we aren't shy about it at all. I don't think my brother or i or even dad would go any further than that. so we say go ahead and stroke 'em together, lend a hand but keep it at that. - the 2 Rs
I'm late to this party --- haven't visited Big Whack Attack in awhile --- but I'm in the "why not" camp. You're both consenting adults as long as there is no coercion involved. The only thing is, consent must be ongoing (as JoyLovePeaceHappiness said). If jacking off together is OK with you, fine; if trading handjobs is OK, fine. If sucking or fucking is not OK, that's also fine. Also, if you try something once and don't want to try it again, that is ALSO fine. You draw the line where, and when, YOU want to draw the line. If it turns out you never reach that line, that's fine too.
Also, I think it's OK to recognize the weirdness of this lockdown situation. One or both of you may decide this is something you'd like to keep doing after things return to normal, or one/ both of you may decide that it should end the lockdown ends. I think it's called "situational homosexuality" in prison: you fuck what you have access to. I would guess that most guys go back to being exclusively heterosexual when they get out of prison, but some guys may not. If you find yourself in a "I didn't know I liked this, but I do" situation --- or if Dad does --- then fine.
I want to say go for it...but talk about it and make sure you both understand this is just for fun and just for now. However, some good points are made here. How do you make absolutely sure to keep this relationship good as father and son going forward. I would set limits but continue to have some fun. I would agree...that if 30 days after this has all lifted and we can get out and about again, we are both interested, we will revisit this. That gives you both time to discuss it openly without issues. I'm turned on by the idea although the thought never crossed my mind with my son OR with my father. I do think its a good time to set some boundaries that could make your father /son relationship going forward. I would have loved to have had a Father who I could lean on...literally when I needed to. Mine was pretty hands off. Explore with limits!!
There is a line to be drawn. Fine, if the Dad understands and is accepting of gay son - BUT - sexual activity with a parent / Dad crosses boundaries that should not be crossed.
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