Good morning.
"I have the most awful time trying to take a leak in a men's room. It's not only having some dude at the next urinal. Most guys adhere to the etiquette, and if there are only two urinals they'll go use a stall. It's that the urinals are situated in such a manner as to force men to have their backs to the door. I get the cost-saving factor, but it always creeps me out. Anyone else deal with this?"
Oh, I get it. It's a total quirk for me, too, but it extends well beyond restrooms. I cannot sit with my back to a door. Not in my office when I worked. Not in my office at home. Not in a restaurant. Nothing untoward was (is) going on that I'm trying to hide. I don't remember being attacked from behind in any situation, yet I still feel unsafe.
I have no idea where this phobia comes from, how to combat it or overcome it.
On the other hand, I feel perfectly safe being naked in a gym, spa, getting a massage, or at a clothing-optional beach.
39 comments:
Never have a problem peeing even with being in a line of filled urinals. If someone stands really close to the urinal, they don't want you to look. If the stand back some I take a sideway peek. The location of doors has never bothered me, but there are other things that make me uncomfortable.
For your reader, I offer this advice on a personal level. No, this isn't an issue I've had. I am a spectator and I need to spectate, that is why I choose to sit facing doors and windows when possible. Your safety issue seems tied to a sense of vulnerability and what is more vulnerable than taking care of bodily functions in a public place. Working through that may require counseling, but more likely you can overcome this phobia and fear on your own. If you fear it, you must face it. After conquering my fear of rejection for being naked after gym class, my first time being nude in a public setting was traumatic to say the least. If you can find that inner strength to face the fear and vulnerability in your situation, you'll find the answer. Force yourself to feel the fear, a muscle only gets stronger when you repeatedly work it, and that includes your brain, which is probably the thing holding you back. Good luck, be brave.
That's an issue I've never thought about.
I can't say I've ever had this problem. I can take a leak with guys on both sides of me, and have never worried about having my back toward the door. I guess I'm lucky in both respects. Great cock pictures, BTW. Thanks, Pat!
Is it really because your back is to the door. Would you be okay if you were in the woods with a few other guys and you were all peeing side by side? Because that would mean Pee Shy. I understand the not wanting your back exposed. That should just be ingrained from cave men. But the being in a group should make you feel safer. Others watching your back. Or does any of that make sense?
Guys are gonna look. That has never bothered me. But, put my back to the door and it's rough.
I know for me, though I do like to people-watch, it's a fear of being attacked from behind. Ugh, I hate that sensation.
You're welcome.
No problem being in the woods with others around. Now that you mention it, if there are other men in the room I do tend to have an easier time of it.
I think I'm envious!
I have never thought about this much, but in these times, and shooting and hold ups, might be a good idea to start having urinals on another wall, so if people looked left or right, they would have view of who coming in the rest room. With a back to the door, anything could happen fast.
I think it’s a very natural response that is ingrained in us over hundreds of thousands of years that probably saved our ancestors because they had that fear.
It’s the same thing that kept people from climbing into tight spaces, climbing up high places, And jumping off of cliffs for fun. We feel uncomfortable because it probably saved our ancestors. At least that’s my theory when I’m sitting in a plane trying to rationalize that turbulence is probably never deadly. Hugs and bisous.
I'm always confident in showing off mine, even though I'm pretty small I'm that guy who gets in between two guys pissing.
That makes sense, although men are conditioned to be competitive, so still potentially vulnerable to attack even in a group, although I expect it depends on your personal exposure to male competition.
I once read an anecdote from the actor Tim Allen, I think it was, who was once detained in a cell with a number of other men, all strangers, and only one exposed toilet. After trying to contain himself Tim eventually succumbed to a call of nature and was horrified when the other men in the cell approached him on the toilet, but then they stood in a circle around him with their backs to him, affording him what little privacy was available in that situation.
That story still brings a tear to my eye, so perhaps competition isn't the most deeply instilled behaviour of men.
Being in the woods, you would be warned by noises of rustling leaves or cracking twigs, so would not be so vulnerable to unexpected rear attack. Even at urinals, other men are by your side, not behind your back, so not as much of a potential threat you can't see coming. I think it's mainly the vulnerability of an exposed back.
Of course there are ways to reduce vulnerability by ensuring you always have your back to a wall and can see what is coming, or at least be able to glance sidewards to gauge potential attack.
That's different from being pee-shy, although you can often treat it similarly to protecting your back by performing out of sight of other men or by practicing controlled exposure.
I'm still very pee-shy and will preferentially go to a cubicle (or even better the "disabled" toilets) to make it easier, although there is still a fear of being heard that I have to battle against by using reason to reassure myself. Unfortunately that is more avoidance than fixing the issue, but I found it far easier for the very few times I was in that situation.
It might be possible to employ controlled exposure: just washing your hands first, then progressing to standing at the urinal (and saying "pee-shy" to any men wondering what you are doing) and finally levering it out and attempting to go whilst reassuring yourself comparisons aren't valid.
I must admit my own attempts at controlled exposure were not very successful as the fear was like a cold water shock and trying to manipulate and direct an acorn was next to impossible, further worsening concerns about size comparison. God knows why size and comparison was such a big deal in my mind then, and still is, when I could reason it away in my mind but not my emotions. It didn't help that I was a grower but not that much of a grower and was on the lower end of normal especially flaccid.
I Always use a stall.
Always.
XOXO
I'm a pee-shy exhibitionist - figure that? Find it hard to get started at urinals, even with screens, if there are guys next to me. I have noticed when peeing at intermission at Symphony Hall that a lot of the guys spend a long time at the urinals. Age may be a factor, since most symphony attendees are senior citizens, but it's always been a problem for me. I find that the sound of running water (or pee) helps a lot, so a preliminary flush or running an adjacent sink is a good option.
My back to the door is fine but the older I get (and the larger my prostate gets) I need to concentrate when I pee. lol. I usually choose a stall because I can take my time without someone standing near me.
@ rphillips, I have heard that same story about Tim Allen - proving that men can sometimes be kind.
@ Anon - We who suffer do have a bag of tricks to employ.
Things are getting more dangerous, that's for sure.
I never thought of it that way. Natural conditioning over thousands of years makes sense. Hugs and bisous.
Here's a solution... pee outdoors. In the woods, if possible... but... any port in a storm!
Yup, the older we get the prostate enlarges making it more difficult. For being pee-shy, I've also heard placing a hand into warm water is supposed to help. But that's not an available option in a public restroom.
Oh, you're the dude the other guys shake their heads at. LOL.
Really? Huh. Is fear the reason, or ???
XOXO
The enlarging prostate is an issue as we age. I will still only go into a stall if the lone urinal is in use.
There's a reason urinals have your back to the door. No bathroom designer is going to put urinals on a side wall so you can see the door, because then when the door is opened, anyone outside gets a side view of the dicks of the guys at the urinals.
No side view of dick if it's designer properly --- but, as I said, it would cost money and they wouldn't want to do that, would they?
I have a habit of resting my left hand on the wall while I pee, you can see the mark on the wall of my house
If people can see potential attack by looking sideways, then it also means their side profile is on view, for those who don't like comparisons or judgements being made, but it would better protect the back. Swings and roundabouts I guess: there is no perfect solution for everyone.
@whkattk - I guess putting your hand into the warm stream from a guy in the adjacent urinal is not really an option to help getting started. ;-)
For those of us with post-micturition dribble who use a light men's pad to prevent embarassment, a stall also helps in being embarassed that one needs that device. Who woulda thunk people would be embarassed by natural changes of aging or changes outside our control, but as much as I try to convince myself of that attitude, it's still a struggle to be accepting and not fearful of shame.
You should put that in the funnies.
@whakattk - that Tim Allen story amazed me as the men were all strangers, yet their impulse to protect each other was greater than any conditioned competition. Perhaps "all boys together" really is a fundamental aspect of our biology that has been largely overriden by other conditioning such as homophobia and competition.
I think men can be protective of one another when the situation calls for it. It is amazing that holding cells don't even have a shield wall.
Now, that I can do. And do!
Oh, I've seen plenty of guys doing that.
My grandfather used a men's pad too. Years ago we went to a restaurant and he got up and said he was going to the bathroom. I said I would go with him. My grandmother told me to wait. I thought it was strange, but it was okay. The next day, my grandfather came to talk to me and my father and explained the situation. He thought it was irresponsible for the family not to tell us.
What do you do when confronted with a trough urinal?
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