Morning
"I woke up with the most solid erection and had the most explosive orgasm for the first time since my wife passed away almost 3 months ago. The weird part: I'd been dreaming about this guy at the gym with the biggest cock I've ever seen hit on me and I went for it. Why would I suddenly be dreaming about men?"
First, my sincere condolences on the death of your wife. Grief is a very individual thing. The timetable varies from person to person, and so does its path forward. One possibility is that --- subconsciously --- heterosexual sex may bring on feelings of guilt, like you're cheating and being with a guy changes that.
I wouldn't read too much into it. Accept that sex is a part of living, regardless of the avenue it takes.
My suggestion is, if you haven't already, try seeing a grief counselor. They understand the varied stages and don't judge the path through it.
Readers, any other suggestions?
12 comments:
Yep.
Counseling would come handy. I always recommend it. It's worked for me.
XOXO
Yes for counseling, unless you’ve got a good close friend or relative you feel you can open up to.
But a counselor is neutral and a lot of times you don’t want to talk about your personal life to someone you already know. Hugs and bisous.
You gave a common-sense response.
I too wouldn't read too much into that. Dreams are just that...dreams with sometimes a message disguised in various forms. To me it says, it's alright to think of sexual situations or moving on to a sexual encounter...but the dream might have just put a man in place instead of a woman. The mind is a mysterious thing.
Condolances for the OP's loss.
There's always a chance the OP has suppressed their actual sexual orientation for various reasons and subconsciously at least a sense of obligation has been liberated.
Alternatively, someone else initiating sex could represent a freedom from the responsibility of the OP, so he isn't deliberately "cheating" but simply responding to someone else.
I'm more interested in how the OP feels about sex with men after the dream, rather than questioning why. It's not a vile thing for man to man sex to be an option for any man.
I wouldn't worry about a dream; a lot of guys have sex dreams about other guys.
It may well be that there is something else going on.
When I was young, I didn't know anything about homosexuality; I got married and everything was fine. Then, at 40, I met a man my own age—also married—who was a bit more forward, and that’s when I subconsciously discovered that I was actually gay... I’ve been living with a man for 20 years now :-))
Sometimes you just have to give it a try—it either works out or it doesn't!
Another possibility: your mind has been giving you hetero sex dreams for these months, but you have not acted on them. So it is trying wider things to try to jump start your sex life.
For many men, there is no reason to question a heterosexual life until women are no longer as readily available, or something changes that causes them to question other possibilities. I'm not sure why any man might explore same sex out of the blue, unless it's their primary sexual orientation.
If you have been living comfortably as heterosexual and then start having sex with men, perhaps you are bisexual rather than gay, although Kinsey doesn't mention a time factor in his sexual orientation spectrum, so maybe you can be homosexual (exclusively same sex) for a while and heterosexual (exclusively opposite sex) for another while.
The mind sure is a mysterious thing: I dreamed of having sex with my Dad and experienced the most explosive orgasm I have ever had, as a result. The interesting thing is that it kind of matched what I wanted to do, but was too afraid to ever explore, then and now.
My wife of 43 years, a relationship of 53 years left this planet ten and a half months ago. after a fourteen year battle with cancer. Shortly after this I found I had all all this energy (kundalini?) circulating through my body. I am 77 years old and have no desire to create another relationship either physical, emotional, spiritual with another human being. That to me would be disrespecting or doshonoring my life, my relationship, my commitment to my wife. I've lived a "heterosexual" life only having physical sex with my wife. I have no problem with anyone experiecing their body however they decide to do so and/or whom they choose to love. My understanding of human sexuality is the whole gamut of sexuality is within each of us, (the kingdom of God is within) hence his dreams about same sex sex. I find the thought of same sex sex not as disrespecting or dishonoring as the thought of havivg sex with another woman. Just my thoughts on this.
There's wisdom in the comments here. You're in a transition period in so many ways. Your dream and the resulting strong orgasm should be celebrated as an expression of the mind and body going through change. Doesn't mean anything about sexuality by itself. When you're ready and if you're open to it, explore your new situation. A good counselor could help with this. Perhaps you've been holding yourself back? Peace to you, brother.
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