A Total Perv?

Thanks for the well-wishes. I'm better today. Just a tiny bit sore at the injection site.

 

"So my better half went off with her friends for a weekend getaway leaving me to my own devices. I spent the entire time naked and playing with my dick. It was kind of nice for a change. Don't know how many times I came but it felt really, really good and I was totally sated. But now I feel like a total perv."

A total perv? Why? For enjoying yourself?

It actually makes you a pretty normal guy who's "left to his own devices." If you thought it was nice for a change, it was probably exactly what you needed.

Once in a while, we all just need some real me time. You know, when we don't have to worry about satisfying anyone else. We can concentrate on ourselves, taking our time to give pleasure right where we want or need, and how we want, without the need to suggest or ask.

You can take it as quick or as slow as you want. You can stroke dry or sloppy wet with lube. You can spend all the time you want just reveling in the relief of release.

There's absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty.

In Short

 

Reader Doug sent along a wonderful article, from PsyPost, on a study specifically looking at the why's of masturbation frequency during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Everyone knows why we do. It: Relieves tension, a great sleep aid, relieves horniness, helps regain focus, pleasurable, good for prostate and overall health. It can also help in body positivity.

I'll concentrate here on the why people say they don't:

"The commonly reported reasons for not masturbating include lack of privacy, shame (cultural or religious), and disapproval from one’s partner." [bold is mine]

Which goes along with a comment by harlowboi91 on the post Positive Effects:

"I have a friend who’s husband does not think solo masterbation is good for the relationship, could you please do a post on the benefits of Masterbation for a relationship. Thank you."

According to the study, it is because those individuals consider any sexual activity which does not include their partner or spouse to be cheating.

"...feeling they are cheating on their partner, their partner disapproving of them masturbating..."

How can jacking off be good for a relationship? WebMD says, masturbation

"helps balance discrepancies in frequency desires. Since there is no formula bestowed during a marriage ceremony that magically aligns two people to have the same level of sexual interest, masturbation is a good thread to weave through a relationship’s tapestry. Some wrestle with deeply held feelings that they should be everything their partner desires sexually. This is a nearly impossible task... Masturbation helps with imbalance and helps couples avoid being coerced up y bor down in frequency by their partner. It's an aid to a relationship over the long haul." 

Further and, perhaps, most importantly, Counseling.org says, 

"Masturbation can lead to an increase in desire, arousal, overall sexual function, ... which can spill over into mutual encounters." [bold is theirs]

In short

Rip Off the BandAid

 

"After watching the reboot of Sex and the City my wife asked me if I masturbate. I mean, yeah, what guy doesn't but do we admit it to our wives or girlfriends? Do we do it in front of them? Now she wants to watch me. I mean really? I tried and couldn't get hard. What does she want and how do I accomodate her if I can't get my dick to stand up?"

The old joke is 90% of guys admit they masturbate. The other 10% are lying. Sex therapists actually prescribe this to coupled patients as a means to help them back into the saddle, as it were. But this is also a really good way to enhance your partner sex. By watching you, she gets to see what you like, what gives you pleasure, how you prolong that pleasure and what brings you over the top.

Has she never see you with a hard-on? Has she never seen your hand around it?

Now that you admitted it there's no reason to be too ashamed to let her watch you. Your nerves are holding you back. You need to relax. Haven't you ever stroked your cock during sex? Like during foreplay? Maybe she could help you ease your way into it with that.

Where do you usually masturbate? Maybe while taking a bath or shower? Drop a hint. Then she can sneak in and watch.

Do you watch porn? Dial some up on a laptop or your phone, if it'll help you get a boner. Got a large screen TV? Stream some porn to that, stretch out on the couch or floor, and go at it.

If you absolutely cannot get an erection if you know she's watching, how about recording a video for her to watch later. You can even que it up for her and then leave the house.

The thing you don't want to do is whine about it and keep putting her off. Rip off the BandAid.

Readers: Anyone ever masturbated in front of a spouse or partner?

Anyone have any ideas on how he can manage this?

Vicious Cycle

In my post the other day, I wrote I had covered everything. Perhaps I wrote too soon.

"This might get confusing because we are trying to write this together. But my husband has been dealing with this problem for quite a few years now and we need some help in figuring out if there is anything he can do at all. (Before you start in on doctors you can save it. I've been to my primary who sent me to a urologist who told me there's nothing wrong. My T levels are higher than normal but not off the charts. He says he could give me medication to lower the levels but warned I would not be happy with the end result of weak boners) He gets constant erections. We have a very active sex life (We do) but it's never enough. We can have sex and three or four hours later he's developing an erection. (True) Just sitting and watching tv or movie he'll start squirming around and the log stretching down a leg is obvious. (The more I try to ignore my dick the harder it gets and finally get up and go to the bathroom to run one off) If we're expected somewhere or even just want to go out to eat he has to masturbate before we leave the house so he won't get an erection while we're out. Same if we're expecting company. (I do do that because I don't want everyone seeing me with a huge boner in my pants) My biggest issue with that is he always waits until the last minute and asks me to help him out. I have already done my makeup and really don't want to have to redo it. (I wait because in a few hours I'll have hard-on again. It's not like I'm asking her to suck my dick but a helping hand playing with my balls would go a long way to help me get off faster) He's been late to meetings at work because he's in the men's room masturbating. (While nobody has ever said anything I know the boners have been noticed so when they start I go and run one off) It's become a real problem to living a normal life. I love my husband but I can't accommodate every erection he gets. I hope you can help us because we're both at our wits end dealing with it. (It is a problem for me. I know the old joke about perpetual hard-ons but trust me it's not really much fun)"

Wow. I wouldn't think high T would be the culprit here. And this feels like more than an overactive libido. Your doctors can only look for any medical issues. No urinary tract infection, no prostate infection, no STI's. They may suspect psychological problem for sexual addiction, but it doesn't sound like that's in the equation at all or they would've referred you to therapy.

I'm guessing the medication he may have suggested was what is known as an SSRI - Selective Serotonin Uptake Inhibitor. As described in this Insider Health article, "4 Ways to lower your sex drive..." I have to agree with him that you probably wouldn't be satisfied with the results.

"SSRIs work by changing the way serotonin, an important brain chemical, moves through your brain, so that more of it is available. SSRIs are usually prescribed for mental health disorders like depression, since serotonin plays a large role in your mood.

However, serotonin also works to lower sexual desire and keep your body from getting as physically aroused. For this reason, some physicians will prescribe SSRIs to help people reduce high sex drive."

I can only think of two things that could be causing this. First of all, men get multiple erections every day. Though, eventually, with age, we learn to ignore them and they dissipate fairly quickly. Obviously that is not your case.

I wonder if maybe your glans is extremely sensitive. The normal Blood Oxygen Erection (BOE) is a result of the interior tissues needing a fresh supply of oxygen and the cock gets semi-hard. Stimulation from the movement against the material of your briefs (or pants, if you go commando) increases the rigidity. The more you try to negotiate for comfort or to hide it, the harder it gets. You go pound one out. Hours later the next BOE begins and you're right back where you started.

If you still have a foreskin, pre-ejaculate will lubricate the glans more quickly because there is no material to soak it up. Then the foreskin moving against the head increases the stimulation. The extra stimulation increases the arousal. You jack off to get the boner to subside. The next BOE happens hours later, and your viscous cycle continues.

Combining those two things (material rubbing the shaft and the head sliding in precum) would be a double whammy. If you wear briefs, you might want to switch to ones designed specifically to accommodate boners.

You can also use a desensitizing cream after you shower in the morning, available in any corner pharmacy. That should reduce the sensitivity and lower the level of arousal with those BOEs.

Yes, it will wear off in a few hours, but you can reapply as needed.

Readers, any other ideas to help this guy stave off the boners?