It’s Not Wrong (Part III)

Okay, we’ve discussed the important need for women to understand why we whack off in the first place. Hopefully, you’ve explained it and they finally understand. You’ve told them how we enter into the brotherhood of men; how it makes us feel included, that we belong to something awesome. That leads us to the first, tentative reaching out to our buddies: How it starts, how we feel about it when it happens. But, most importantly, why we want to (re)discover it as adults.

Quite frequently, being together as teens while jacking off will lead to touching each other’s hard-on’s. Ladies, this is very normal behavior – so don’t be freaking out when you discover your young son(s) doing this. It doesn’t mean he’s gay; it will not “turn him gay.” If you haven’t learned by now, repeat after me: “Gays are born, not made.” But, more importantly, mutual masturbation has nothing to do with sexual orientation; Zero! Nada. Zip! Zilch!!

So many boys discover the wonders of this experience as teens, either with friends, a brother, or a cousin. I know from reading blogs and boards on the internet many straight men, who didn’t have the pleasure as a kid, have heard about it or talked about it, and wondered about it; and wanted to try it. They want to know what they’ve missed, if anything; if it’s “all that” – after all, they feel they do pretty decent by themselves in the hand-job department.

But, here’s the rub: You will get the most incredible hand-job of your life from another dude. Simply put, it’s because he knows exactly what to do and when to do it. You don’t have to tell him, or guide him – he knows because he’s a man. But, it’s not only about making a guy feel good, but to feel great about himself; making him feel connected, that he belongs.

Those who discover mutual jack-off as young teens will spend the next several years enjoying the pleasure of stroking one another’s dicks. It’s a bonding experience. They easily relate and connect. They become brothers (of a sort).

Later, when all their peers start boasting about getting laid and getting blow-jobs and hand-jobs from the girls, the mutual masturbation may come to a halt – it generally does. But it’s not something they’ll forget about – ever. No matter how deep into a heterosexual lifestyle they entrench themselves, they’ll always remember how nice it was to just kick back with a friend or two and just be “guys, doing what guys do;” being completely, unabashedly comfortable in their maleness.

Later, after he’s grown and, perhaps, married or partnered, the time will come when he’ll think about those friends and those days, and wish he could be that kid again. He misses that sense of brotherhood. Ladies, it does not mean anything more than a desire to recapture that kind of bond with another man; a guy who can relate to what he feels. He wants to feel that camaraderie again. He wants to be with other guys who help him celebrate being male. He wants to feel as if he belongs again. Feeling you belong, makes you feel like a whole human being.

Think of it this way: We all want friends who can relate to our life experiences, people who understand and know what we go through, what we feel. It’s what we all search for in our fellow human beings. It’s what two or more men get when they can kick back, watch some porn, toss back a couple of brews, and bullshit about, and do, any number of guy things. It just so happens that, for a lot of us, one of those “guy things” happens to be whacking off together once in a while.

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So, guys, I hope this helps you to approach your wives/girlfriends on the subject. Broach the subject slowly, in stages, with the care and dignity you both deserve. As with any other issue in a relationship, it’s about respectful communication to present wants, needs, desires in a non-threatening way a partner will understand. If she wants a partner who is happy and feels good about himself, if this is something he wants/needs in his life, she’ll understand and give him the green light.