"I stumbled across your blog and dove in to all your posts about dads talking to their sons about solo sex. One thing I feel needs to be said is that it isn't always the fathers who are too embarrassed to deal with it. Over the weekend I went to visit my son. He was expecting me but didn't answer and the door was unlocked so I went in. I saw him masturbating out on his patio and sat down to wait for him to come in. He turned beet red clutching the hand towel to his crotch and said he was "sunning." I smiled and told him I noticed and pointed to semen on his neck. He stammered and hurried out of the room. I changed his diapers, I taught him to pee standing up, for all his squirming when we had "the talk" it did happen, and he's embarrassed about masturbating. You need to stop always blaming the dad."
Mea culpa. Though, I have to say it seems too many parents are willing to have the sex talk (as you did) but are still skittish about discussing masturbation (which you don't indicate you did). There's an awful lot of "He'll figure that out on his own." And it turns out that's what they had to do when they were in the throes of puberty.
Yet, when pressed, those same men admit it would've been really nice to have had some kind of instruction from Dad when it came to dealing with boners --- even as they were told "no sex until you're an adult and mature enough to deal with the consequences."
So, next time you find the opportunity to talk, take it.
20 comments:
Hi Pat.
Can you do another post to reiterate the positive effects of ejaculation and prostate health.
I told someone recently that it's beneficial to the prostate glans to cum on a regular basis. I told them to look at your blog. :)
The 'of course you do' part made me chuckle 😜
True, though 🤷♂️
Great post!
Was always told not to touch myself, that it was a sin. Some Pentecostal churches forget that the God they preach about created sex. If he didn't want us to touch it then procreation should have been by way of rubbing 2 little fingers together. He didn't want us to put it in our ears or noses, so it doesn't fit there. It fits in our hands, mouth, and ass for guys. So enjoy.
Once again, I have to brag on my Dad's openness about beating off. Not only did he admit to doing it, he did it in front of me, and we had jack sessions together. I feel sorry for those who were made to feel guilty or uncomfortable about it.
From this dad's message I'll just excerpt this one sentence: "I saw him masturbating out on his patio and sat down to wait for him to come in."
I think it tells a lot in terms of both respect towards privacy as well as understanding how a man's urges can be dealt ordinarily with.
I think it's ok not feeling at ease being "caught in the act" by their father, however lenient the father may be on the matter. Not everybody was raised going at Summerhill school. As fathers, being the adult with the inherent responsibility to teach their children doesn't make them all-knowing, not to mention kids have have ways of dealing with private matters of their owns.
Which leads us back to this father's visit and his son reaction when caught in the moment. And my question would be - you know me by now - what the hell the son's reaction can possibly have to do with whatever shameful silliness his mother put into his mind while he grew up?
That'd be for the son to answer.
Anyway, my hat off for this father for being respectful of his son's me-time.
How fun. I can't imagine my father in this sense, but what a great porn genre. Kizzes.
@ Erick - Of course. Anything to help.
@ Laurent - You know, I never thought about the mother being the reason this man's son was embarrassed. But, you're right. If all this OP did was point out an errant drops of cum, he was in no way ridiculing his son.
This is actually good news, the dad has been talking to his son all along, and this is just an opportunity to continue the dialogue. Bring it up when the time is right and spend a few minutes hashing it out. It gets easier every time you do, for both of you.
Don't forget, he may be a father one day too. Hugs and bisous.
I've always liked that clip of the young man with the headphones, interrupted, and pulling the dildo out of his ass...
--PaulMmn
The only thing i can come up with over all the embarrassment of masturbating is that some were taught it was meant to be. Private thing. But not everyone has a problem jacking off with others or talking about it. Kudos to her for being cool about it...and having any talk with her son. Hell, if most fathers can't even have the talk....think about how awkward it is for a mother to brooch the subject with a son?!?!? Good on her.
I don't think it was the intention of anyone responding to the Dad and son posts to blame Dads, even if that is how the words were interpreted: it's not about apportioning blame but sadness that greater education of sons by their Dads has not generally happened.
However, I think we all recognise the restrictions society still puts on being completely open about sex for fear of harming children, and the tendency for the sins of the Fathers to be visited on the sons (ie tradition ensures Dads often do what their Dads did) when I think generally it's more harmful to deny them knowledge that better allows them to make decisions about themselves; especially when they may discover it accidentally anyway.
I don't think we should blame sons either. My own Dad told me very little and I had the impression sex was a taboo subject, so when it came time for "the talk", the all or nothing approach left me feeling embarassed, because there was no prior context except the perception that sex was not okay because it wasn't talked about (like whispering about Cancer as if it was some evil you could keep at bay by not mentioning it aloud) and nudity was not encouraged as natural. The talk didn't make me feel any less embarassed or any closer to my Dad because it was delivered in such a distant, theoretical way.
I would suggest that it is a lack of closeness and bonding between Dad and son over the whole of the sons life that may result in the son being embarassed. I didn't see my Dad naked until I was in my late 30's, which didn't particularly help with comfort around penises at an earlier age and there was never an opportunity to discuss size concerns or any of those issues because I didn't have a good connection with my Dad: because of the lack of prior education and openness, he didn't seem very approachable and identifiable, when that was what I wanted, not an abstract technical lecture.
If a Dad has not had ongoing and progressive openness and bonding with his son, then its going to take a lot of careful effort to change that embarassment.
@ BatRedneck - respect for his son's me-time is completely different from developing a comfort between Dad and son over discussing issues of sex (and relationships).
Pat, the dialogue between father and son on sex and masturbation is important. I do not deny this. But I learned everything by myself, only with pornography. And, at least in my case, it worked.
It just occurred to me that there are people out there who consider just being naked in front of your son as abuse. (Go figure.). A few years back, a female rep in our state legislature tried to introduce a law banning being naked anytime, anywhere (including locker rooms and showers) and at home in front of children. It was laughed at and she was told it would be unenforceable. It did not pass. But in my home, before my parents divorced, mother would freak if my dad was naked around me. He had common sense.
My Dad was completely closed off about the body and sex. My Mom was a nudist / exhibitionist. It was a cluster fuck for sure for a young, closeted boy. I had friends and cousins who taught me what I needed to know and eventually my mom talked about things with me. My Dad went to his grave never really talking about sexual things. He was a great Father, but that piece was missing. My son and I can talk about anything, and he never had to be embarrassed about his body because both his mom and I were very open. Unfortunately, some parents do more harm in this area than good because they force their kids to be curious instead of satisfying the curiosity at home with good education.
@ Gay Dad - I think the curiosity is always there, although sometimes suppressed by society's prudishness about sex and nudity, making it seem almost evil and thus creating guilt and shame for the curiosity. I think the power of not only curiosity, but the male sex drive forces youngsters to find satisfaction regardless, not always in the safest way because they are navigating a largely unknown world with its inherent dangers in which lack of knowledge can be problematic. I have always believed that a boy is safer with his Dad than with a stranger since a Dad generally has a basis of love and a sons interests at heart, whereas a stranger not so much.
@ Big Dude - There seems to be a worldwide push to prevent sexual expression of men as it is perceived by many women to be abusive. By targeting the education of boys to deprive them of role models and to suppress their sexuality as being toxic, it is hoped the boys will grow up to be less problematic in that area. My country recently had some schools force its male pupils to stand up and apologise to the female students about sexual abuse by their gender. Taken to its logical extreme, these people would like nothing better than for boys to not get any education by men, but to be inculcated by women into the evil of their gender as toxic masculinity and thus eliminate it by attrition. Whilst your female legislature rep example was laughed at, the fundamental ideology exists in the background and is gaining momentum, which is perverse as we are still largely driven by our innate biology keyed to sexual reproduction and that is not going to change whilst we remain human.
Never happened with me as never met my father but the talks all happened with others.
My partner though very different. Partner's dad wanted a positive relationship with his son as he never had it himself and didnt want to make the mistakes that his dad did. Back when they were younger the dad walked in on his son trying to hide his hard on and they started from there. At the start his son was embarrassed as everything is just starting for him but his dad kept up enforcing his son not to be embarrassed or ashamed of your own dick. His dad saw he struggled with it so he too stopped covering up and hiding his own. His dad saw it as if his son see's his dad's dick does the exact same thing as his then it will normalize it for him.
As time went on it became their thing; mornings would be their nude time while the wife/mother would head off to work. They slept naked, walked around naked, jerked off together and kept a body positive attitude with each other. They still keep that up today even though his dad's in his early 50's and the son is in his 30's. When his dad stays overnight every now its still the same. Everyone comfortable around each other naked and if we all hard then we all jerk off together.
@T: THANK YOU!
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