Astute and Faithful Reader, Jean, has sent another great subject for discussion via another article in The Guardian. It asks why Straight, White Males are allowed to engage in sex with other men and still declare their Straight-ness with impunity. Of course, there's no mention made of the type of contact: Was it receiving only?
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Was it mutual?
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Was it, perhaps they were just in the same room for a group jack off - something many men do but won't admit to.
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Or did it go further
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Nor was there a mention of often it takes place. Then, there is the mention of "culture" - that men of color must hide it, keep it on the down low, as it's referred to.
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One reply to the piece put it well: " 'I think the more interesting question is "Why are so many bisexual men self-identifying as straight?.' "
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IMO, the answer to that is Bisexuality in men is still not accepted (though straight men love to watch two women getting it on). M/M sex, no matter how rare a guy does it or how he does it, still gets labeled Gay by general society. Even a large portion of the LG(B)T community denies bisexuality exists.
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Yet, as Kinsey reported and proved with the development of the Bell Curve that the vast majority of humanity is indeed Bisexual. And as Faithful Reader, Rick, reminded us of the old saying, "Women need a reason, men just need a place." Otherwise how could the term "Gay for Pay" exist?
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What's your opinion?
Come on, Straight Guys - let's hear from you; you can even leave an Anonymous comment, or you can email me.
13 comments:
I'd use the work "denial". If the str8 men who have M2M sex would actually admit to it, the numbers would be interesting to say the least. It's that age old problem, guys don't want to be labeled Gay or Bi. Scared to death of someone finding out they like to fuck around.
Well, I'll jump in, I had two good male friends in college way back who were also great friends. One got a teaching job across the country and we had a going-away party for him. The friend who remained later confessed to having sex with the departing friend the night of the party. He was so distraught and shameful at what they had done; he said he just wanted to show his friend how much he cared for him.
Don't gay men ever have sex with women for the very same reasons?? Looking back on it now, it seems such a shame friends can't share their attraction without feeling they did something wrong.
This article seemed to say white men get a pass from society for doing this, where others don't.
Grettings from P-Town!!!! I may be a bit tipsy so I apologize! What an interesting read.And Probably all true. Even the white "straight " friends I have, who I know they play, still won't admit it. They tell me though they only lay back and be serviced. Now, my one regular FWB is bi. He has a girlfriend and see's me on the side with no hold bars sex. And he will admit to anyone he is bi and enjoys sex with men as much as women. Pretty cool. I am strictly gay and have never had sex with a woman. The attraction for me was never there. And a girl friend of mine even tried to blow me once while she was here overnight once, and my cock just wasn't going up. Yep 100% gay here. I too would love to hear from some straight gys on this.
xoxo
I think the bottom line is that most people really don't care who you have sex with, and don't want to know about it! That's my experience. I came out as gay 40 years ago, have been active in community life, and make a point of letting those I work with (in the construction industry) that I have a husband - it's just not a big deal - after you do it.
I was talking about this with my friend the other day. So weird, but I think the same. I believe all the people are bisexual, but the way they are raised, in which family, surrounding... All that can "make us" straight/bi/gay.
That's just what I think right now. And looks like I'm not that wrong! ^_^
I am so appreciative of this post. I have commented here recently about the sexual binary being so ingrained into most people's thinking. Any man who will consent to any sexual contact from another man, whether giving, receiving, or mutual, is not "straight". I think the real problem is that we feel the need to label, and classify people at all. We humans (especially males) are innately very sexual creatures, who have inhibitions programmed into us from our environment, religious and social constructs, and family influences.
My educated opinion: Totally straight males are as statistically rare as totally gay males; maybe 10% of each. The remaining 80% are somewhere on the continuum between, with a majority who would swing either way under the right conditions, with the aforementioned inhibitions removed.
I've made this statement before, and received positive and negative feedback: A man who masturbates is having sex with a man, and in that moment prefers having sex with a man; he is engaging in homosexual activity. It is not that far a jump from having sex with your own penis, to having sex with another's penis. The only obstacles are opportunity and inhibition.
I am a 50 something yr old, closeted, married 30 something years, bisexual male. I do not have the wherewithal to be out, due to the many societal constraints that accompany living in the suburban religious South. However I have come to quite a lot of self awareness, and am content with where I am in life: enjoying great sex 2x week with my wife, and masturbating to homosexual and bisexual porn another couple times a week.
If the opportunity for an open sexual relationship with another man happens, I would probably do it.
Frank in Mount Dora
Quote from Jean: "This article seemed to say white men get a pass from society for doing this, where others don't."
Hell to the no, I don't think today any race has it easier when it comes to being bisexual. It's the same, it's tough as f*ck.
Anonymous agrees with Anonymous. However, I'm not so sure about being gay with my own dick. Maybe masturbation doesn't have to be boxed into gay, bi, or straight?.....maybe it goes into the masturbation category.....if we must box it in.
I do prefer sex with women, but could envision myself swinging the other way if women were not available. I guess that puts me in the 80% Kinsey bell curve?
And white men certainly do not get a free pass. Anyone who thinks otherwise is walking around in a world different than my world.
I absolutely enjoy this blog. Thanks to the writer.
I am a male who identifies as straight. I enjoy playing in the presence of and with other guys - there is a sense of camaraderie I get when enjoying the pleasures of my dick with another guy. I don't have sex with guys. I identify as straight because I am in a loving committed relationship with my wife, who, unfortunately, won't understand this desire in my life and whose family and friends will ridicule me for admitting to enjoying 'guys being guys' situations.
And I agree that there are MANY straight white guys like myself, who would very much like to enjoy what we enjoy without fear of reprisal.
Just to clarify semantics, I did not say that masturbation is gay. I said it is homosexual. Therein lies the difference. Homosexuality is clearly defined as any sexual activity with someone of the same biological gender as yourself.
Consider this semantic labeling proposition: We should only use gay as a relational term, for two same gendered persons who prefer to partner in all aspects of relationship - recreation, cohabitation, romance, marriage, etc. All others are just queer - including bisexuals, "not so straight" men, and others.
But any way you cut it, men who engage in sexual activity with other men are homosexual. Whether they are relationally straight, bi, or gay.
Does this make any sense?
Frank in Mount Dora
I love this type of exchange! This is part of what Big Whack Attack is all about and I wonder if we can keep it going?
to me make sex man to man is the most natural thing possible, but I'm 100% gay from my childhood. But I could swear the most part of human being is at least bisex!
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