At What Stage

 

At what age or stage of life should parents expect and accept their children are sexually active?

"Our son is in his mid 20s now still living at home. He had a friend come over and the friend stayed the night. They were supposed to sleep in separate bedrooms. As much as I'm sure they tried to be quiet we heard the moaning. My wife thinks its terrible and that if he is going to be having sex he has move out. Its no big deal for me and we're arguing about this. Why would she think a young healthy kid shouldn't have sex?"

Let's break it down. Your son is in his mid-20s. He's an adult. But he lives in your house. Your house, your rules. That's how I was raised. But. He's a man. I suspect your wife is finding it difficult to accept that her baby is all grown up with a grown-up appetite and libido.

It's either that, or it's some religious objection, though you don't mention that as part of the equation.

Did she complain when he was a horny teenager and jacking off two or three times a day? If it bothered her, I sure hope she kept it to herself. Or was she oblivious to that activity?

My personal opinion is that your son is old enough to be responsible for his actions. On the flip side, your wife needs to come to terms with the biology of life. You don't say whether his friend is male or female, but it really shouldn't matter. Except. Except if your wife wants grandchildren. That's not going to happen if he's restricted to jerking off.

You should have a sit-down with your son. Simply tell him that his having sex makes his mother uncomfortable and maybe he could/should confine the activity to when you are not home. Or he should spend the occasional night for fun elsewhere.

You also need a sit-down with your wife, if you haven't already done so. She obviously does not fully understand the sex drive of men. She also needs to understand it's not fair to your son to be restricted to taking care of business with his hand. Because, one way or another, he's going to get his rocks off.

And if I know anything about human sexuality, it's that 99% of us would prefer to be with another person.

What advice do you have for this dad, readers?

Flirting

 

"I'm straight and have a friend who is openly gay. We've been doing a lot of flirting over the past months and I admit it's been fun and I'm interested and curious. Because I've been surfing blogs and porn sites to find out what might happen I'm very nervous about doing anything  I admit it always makes me hard and I jerk off. But, do all gay guys like rimming and anal fucking? Will he be pissed if we start something but I won't want to do those things?"

Flirting how? 

Is it clear to him you're interested in exploring? Because that's what your initial foray would be; exploration.

There are plenty of guys who identify as straight and don't have any interest beyond mutual masturbation, frottage, and fellatio. And, I have known a gay couple for years and that's all they do.

If those are your boundaries...if you move forward...you need to tell him about your trepidation. You both need to be comfortable with what takes place. You both need to remember that "No" means "No." And there can be no pouting or offense taken by stopping any activity that you aren't enjoying.

But, let's have readers chime in on this one.

Readers?

Without Shame

 

"One of your readers left a comment last week that guys should get more comfortable with enjoying sex together. I thought I'd share this.

My girlfriend was afraid of the virus and refused to visit. I respected that but as a result we drifted apart and don't talk much anymore. My neighbor's marriage has fallen victim too as I've heard is getting common. So, we started hanging out commiserating. At one point we bitched about having to jerk off all the time now. Well, that turned out to be the best thing to happen for both of us. We hook up several times a week now for sex. We both admit it's been awesome and we both don't care who knows. Will we both go back to women when this is all over? Probably. Will we give up the man to man stuff? I seriously doubt it, it's too much fun."

I've read numerous sources stating that many relationships have failed over the course of the pandemic. 24/7 togetherness can create a strain if we don't provide one another time apart for personal interests. It's why couples find retirement to be so difficult - at least in the beginning.

As I've indicated to my Faithful reader during our correspondence: The thing about man-to-man sexual encounters is the fact that most (not all, but most) men are able to separate sex from love or intimacy. Love and intimacy are normal emotional responses - and needed for a stable relationship. Sex is a biological response and, for men, a biological need.

Hooking up with your neighbor is an excellent solution. You're both satisfying a need. That you're both not ashamed of it is...well, excellent. It's real-life proof of what Human Sexuality Experts have been saying since Kinsey's famous studies (eventually corroborated by Masters and Johnson). Humans are sexual beings and their orientation - their sexual attraction and arousal factors - do not fall into two strict categories. Rather it spans the spectrum.

I hope lots and lots of men see your letter and realize they can allow themselves to enjoy male-male sex without shame.

Free To Be

We are free to be you and me.

That's what the Notorious R.B.G. won for us all.

The sudden, but not so sudden, passing of Ruth Bader Ginsberg on Friday made for a very somber anniversary for me and my wife. Her fight for human rights for all, equality for all, during hard-fought battles should be remembered. Even her Dissent opinions for the court were filled with forthright honesty about the lack of concern for the future by her conservative colleagues.

She is part of the reason that LGBTQ+ people are now as protected as others. That they are able to serve openly in the military.

That same-sex marriage is now recognized as legal throughout the U.S..

That we are free to be open about our sexuality.

But there is still much work to do. We face huge battles and we must fight. Fight to retain the rights RBG managed to help us win.

As Chris Evans tweeted after accidently posting his boner dick pic: "Now that I have your attention. Vote Nov 3rd."

Voting has begun in some states.

As you cast your vote, remember to be as good a Bottom as you are a Top.

Down ballot races are extremely important this time.