"I'm straight and have a friend who is openly gay. We've been doing a lot of flirting over the past months and I admit it's been fun and I'm interested and curious. Because I've been surfing blogs and porn sites to find out what might happen I'm very nervous about doing anything I admit it always makes me hard and I jerk off. But, do all gay guys like rimming and anal fucking? Will he be pissed if we start something but I won't want to do those things?"
Flirting how?
Is it clear to him you're interested in exploring? Because that's what your initial foray would be; exploration.
There are plenty of guys who identify as straight and don't have any interest beyond mutual masturbation, frottage, and fellatio. And, I have known a gay couple for years and that's all they do.
If those are your boundaries...if you move forward...you need to tell him about your trepidation. You both need to be comfortable with what takes place. You both need to remember that "No" means "No." And there can be no pouting or offense taken by stopping any activity that you aren't enjoying.
But, let's have readers chime in on this one.
Readers?
25 comments:
I swear to god , that letter was not from me!
But as your aware, I love me some cat and mouse. I say to the reader enjoy the flirting for as long as you can take....thats the best part...and feeling. If something happens eventually it will be real hot.
suggest clarity, honesty with oneself and with each other. And don't be afraid to discover not only new erogenous zones or erotic pleasurable practices but also to discover homosexual sides of yourself.
I'm only into mutual masturbation and oral.Have him call me.
It seems obvious to me that when it comes to his friend, no one is better placed than the above-mentioned friend to respond to your reader's metaphysical anxieties. Good luck to him?
Hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.
You've said it quite well.
Good advice. If you want to explore your sexuality you may find it best to establish some ground rules at to what you will or will not do. You may find out that your gay fiend also has some do's and don'ts. This rule applies to straights and gays equally.
Miss Maddie should have a lot to say on this one!
Well, it's a menu, right? I mean, you don't go into a restaurant and think you're expected to eat everything on the menu. Just order what you like.
Gay guys? We respect no. We respect limits. We respect anyone willing to show us their peen. So, I'm not sure where this fear is coming from. I mean, it's not like they're going to forcibly plant their brown star on your kisser. Unless... that's what you like.
So, rules and boundaries. Just like hetero sex... not everybody eat vag. Not all ladies like anal.
You know... this strikes me as a bit homophobic. Like... we're not decent human beings.
He just needs to have a frank conversation with his friend about his curiosity and his limits.
Whenever two people are considering hooking up sexually, there needs to be clear communication about what activities each are excited about and find acceptable, even if it's just exploring. It's a negotiation, though granted that sometimes in the heat of passion, its often just reading the body language of one another. Words help make things more clear.
Men who have sex with men can choose what activities they're comfortable with each time they get together. As a bisexual dude, I love to have oral fun or lots of body contact (like hand jobs, frotting, massage), and I make it clear to a new partner that I'm usually not into anal stuff. I also listen to what the other guy likes and hopes for, and somehow we find a happy medium where both are satisfied.
It is true that not all gay men like anal and rimming. I know some that only do oral. There's all kind of sexual expressions within the gay community.
He needs to set his boundaries and talk about his expectations. His gay friend should let him lead. After all, he's the one experimenting. Who knows, he may find he would really like to try anal and other things besides jerking off?
XOXOX
Well, there it an old adage that I live by: Try anything once, twice to see if you really like it!
Variety, as they say, is the spice of life!
If your reader wants to explore, and since his friend has been flirting, I think all he'd have to do is talk to his gay friend and say he'd like to do more than just flirt...
He also has to set limits... what he wants to try, what he does NOT want to try... Are there portions of his anatomy that are off limits?
But he needs to realize that if he just wants to try oral activities, oral may tend to lick around the corner...
And he -will- enjoy being rimmed! (:
--PaulMmn
Always remember that even though DeadPool said "Nope! Nope!" on International Women's Day, by the next movie he seemed to have learned how to enjoy... "You get the strapon..."
-PaulMmn
It always seems to come down to communication doesn't it? That way you don't end up with those dreaded surprises.
Hugs and bisous.
Be my friend! Lol, as a gay dude, this would only awesome! - but I agree, a conversation should happen first, and ground rules need to be laid out. Honestly, just jerking off together should be the first encounter, *maybe* jerking each other off. Jumping straight into anything else could likely escalate quickly into unknown territory for everyone.
I wouldn't be too concerned honestly. Unless there's some other context, if a guy says, "man I'm horny", and whips his dick out, I'm going to be down for some fun :) Please report back so we can know how this turns out!
I was a curious straight guy once and was keen to explore, eventually I took the first step.
I did tell the guy that being curious I was only [initially ] interested in feeling and sucking his cock and balls.
He was perfectly fine with that [ as I've since found many many gay guys like bi or straight guys to play with.
Since those early days I prefer cock to pussy but I still still fuck pussy.
Ben
@ Jean - It really does. We need to learn to be comfortable talking about sex. Hugs and bisous.
@ sucRalNC - I'll send him right over!
@ Ben - We all start out with exploration, don't we? Gay or straight, it's exploratory at the onset.
I wouldn't emphasize on the talking as they are already good friends flirting with each other.
It is more about the opportunity, the one that comes out of nowhere or the one he can set in place, and therefore master. Taking control of a fear is the first step to getting rid of it.
Like Adam wisely said, this possibly forthcoming intercourse may simply be about "just reading the body language of one another".
And I agree with the the opinions mentioned above which I would summarize like "whatever the partner, the discovery is equally mutual".
And if this not enough an advice, then hear this (Tadaaa...) "C'mon Man, you're straight. To your mate you are most probably a God. A 'Deus ex-machina' of sorts. He will be the first to sweat his shyness when you start touching him. If you are into him enough, a French kiss for a starter will do miracles."
The old adage of "love yourself first" is even more true in exploring the intimate possibilities with another man as it is before first exploring sex with another. How can any man know what it's like having sex with another man if he doesn't explore that activity with himself first?
I would suggest exploring your own body for erotic potential before engaging with another man as you are more in control yet can still experience some of what it is like: the anus and prostate are both erotic areas for men that are not considered by many men for masturbation because of imposed hangups or lack of understanding of the male body.
Sexually engaging with another man is not about zero to hero in one sudden thrust of a large dick, despite it being portrayed and unfortunately experienced by many through porn that way. Engaging in anal sex for the first time requires both foreplay and preparation through gradual dilation of the anal sphincters with small and increasing size objects up to the size of the dick you are intending to let enter, with plenty of lube (not simply spit) and being mindful of the discomfort of the recipient. Most porn is sadistic in its portrayal of losing anal virginity via a "wham, bam, thank you Sam" approach as is losing virginity for a female. There are ways to make it less traumatic and I think it is that anticipated trauma that frightens men from exploring what should be a pleasurable experience.
I suspect that it is that initial sexual trauma that gets expressed in women later as a fear of sex and a reluctance to experience it more frequently, despite maybe pleasurable episodes afterwards, because negative events are registered by the brain more intensely than positive events, by virtue of our instinct to recognise negative as danger to be avoided.
It's perfectly okay to limit you boundaries to non-anal exploration with a man, but I would encourage you to explore yourself as it may open up a world of possibilities that you didn't know existed and then you may feel more interested and comfortable in lowering those boundaries with another person.
Above all, enjoy: sex in all its forms is supposed to be enjoyable.
@Paul: Which is funny, since Liefeld is kinda homophobic.
And then there's the DC character Deadpool is based on.
Eh, boundaries are good. Consent is good. These are good things to have.
Anal (being bottom) didn´t really interest me and I used to think that I wouldn´t like anal, but when I tried it I found out that it wasn´t good or bad. Or maybe a bit on the unpleaseant side, but I did it to please my partner.
However that wasn´t the the end of it. In my initial experiences with anal, I had been very nervous and not that aroused. It also happened too suddenly with too little foreplay. It was maybe the eight time when there had been proper foreplay and I was close to cumming when we moved to anal, then it suddenly felt good. I was really surprised!
After that it has been mostly good or great.
Rimming on the other hand (either way) is something that I don´t like. Not everything is for everyone.
So I quess my advice to all people is to try things with open mind. Slowly and carefully explore as they might be pleasantly surprised.
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