Feel Cool

Three things mesh and suggest this post. A reader sent the following email:

"Would a topic of Helping Other Guys Feel Cool About Masturbation be good? My contribution, if you want something to start it off:
The first time my two nephews came to stay with me for a few days (this was six years ago) they were age 19 and 22. When I showed them my bedroom where I sleep and the guest bedroom where they would be sleeping I also told them that when they wanted privacy they only had to close the door, and simply said, "So you don't have to lock yourself in the toilet or the bathroom to masturbate. You can enjoy doing it comfortably in your room."
I caught sight of their glance at each other and the brief smile which flickered across both their faces. Then I said, "The same applies to my room: A closed door means knock, don't just walk in!"

And, then low! and behold! it's brought to my attention that a new group has been formed in Blue Ridge, North Carolina, called the Blue Ridge Coupons. Their philosophy is simple: "Masturbation should be practiced without shame or fear."

Then, GQ magazine delivers its take on why straight men are joining Jack-off groups in an article on what the author apparently believes is a phenomenon but is no surprise to us here at BWA. He cites many of the sources we have in the past (Dr. Jane Ward, Slate, Bateworld), and reports on Rain City Jacks with an interview. I think the author even calls it "buddy bating." However, to have this information hit a mainstream men's magazine is excellent; it's great news for all you straight guys.

All that points to helping men become more comfortable or, as the email suggested, cool about masturbation.

Still think you're weird for jacking off? Still think that friend or colleague doesn't? Still think it's strange that guys would enjoy it together?

It's not. You all can feel cool about it whether alone, with a buddy, or a group.

A Good Thing

So, yesterday was Fat Tuesday. Did you all indulge in over-the-top food and drink in preparation for Lent?

We did. Naked City Pizza. (Though, sadly, neither the customers nor staff were naked.)

Faithful Reader Gabriel asked in a comment on Monday's post if it is typical for straight men to have to hide masturbation from their spouses/girlfriends.

I won't say it's typical but, sadly, the answer is that many men feel the need to hide the fact. Fear that their significant other will see it in the wrong light. Women have a tendency to become insecure when they find out their guy is jacking off - especially if the dude has some visual inspiration.

My own first wife expressed her discomfort by asking if she was "inadequate" in bed (no), was she not giving me enough (not the issue), did I no longer find her attractive (don't be silly). But she didn't believe those answers. Because, if I was being truthful, why was I jacking off?

I couldn't make her understand. Guys jack off for so many different reasons. The balls ache and the cock is hard demanding relief now.

To relieve anxiety, to relieve tension, to help us sleep.

We're bored and our cocks make for great entertainment to pass the time.

This is why, IMO, coming out of the closet with it (so to speak) is a good thing. The more society understands and accepts male masturbation for what it is, the better.

Not Too Painful

 "Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah, I'm the taxman"
The Beatles

Off to get my taxes started.

With the Tax Cuts, I know I'm in that middle bracket where mine will have gone up.

I can only hope it's not too painful.

 

 Have a good day, everyone!

Long and Happy

I'd like to add some to the answers provided to the question posed on Friday.

All the readers who answered were spot on. Particularly Bryn and Bruce, who indicated there is a lot of give and take in a relationship. Marriage takes compromise in all aspects of living together. Sex and money are the top two issues which cause break-ups. Budget together, and learn that there will be many, many times you won't be on the same page when it comes to sex. 

If you are equal partners - meaning you both have permission to initiate - there will be times when the tables are turned. Men aren't the "ready and willing at all times" animals of myth.

The key compromise is masturbation. Yes, married guys jerk off. There's nothing wrong about it and I hope your wife understands that. 

The same goes for you - women masturbate and you should understand that and be good with it.

I hope you had the chance to see the responses and take care of yourself.

Here's to a long and happy marriage for you!

You'll Feel Better

More from the Mail Bag:

"For the first time in our marriage we have guests (her family) staying for an extended amount of time. My wife won't have sex because she doesn't want them to hear us and feel uncomfortable. It's been a week and my nuts are killing me but they won't be leaving for another week yet. Is she being unreasonable? If she keeps refusing is it wrong if I slip off on my own and bust a load?"

As hosts, our duty is to make guests feel comfortable. But we also shouldn't have to suffer inconvenience. If you and your wife can't engage in quiet sex, then I'm going to have to side with her. Sorry about that.

However, you shouldn't let guests stop you from jacking off if you feel the need. I don't. And I don't refrain if I'm visiting someone. Last year my brother and I were in separate but adjoining bedrooms and I didn't refrain from jacking off. Years ago, when the two of us had to sleep in the living room (as guests), me on the fold-out and him on the floor, I didn't change what I do. I slept in the nude and I stroked one out if I felt the need. I wasn't loud about it, but I didn't try to hide it, either.

Having guests shouldn't mean you can't take care of business. We guys have a propensity to get a little cranky when the balls get heavy and achy, and I'm willing to bet your guests would rather have you pleasant to be around. This is your home, after all, and you should be able to live normally. If that means you pound one out to avoid a case of blue balls, then go pound one out. 

Find a comfortable place, at an appropriate time, and do what you need to do.

You'll feel better and nobody needs to be the wiser.
Readers: Any other suggestions?