Monday, August 7, 2017

No Big Secret - So What's the Big Deal?

Some excellent responses from Readers on Friday's post. Every person is ultimately responsible for his or her own sexual release. 
Pent-up sexual tension needs to be relieved. According to his email, he has done exactly that.



It's not a big secret that guys jack off on a regular basis, anyway.

So, what's the big deal? I can understand if she has physical or psychological issues to overcome, but what I don't understand is why she's angry over his taking matters in hand.
Can somebody explain that?



I hope we'll hear from this man again. And I hope he and his wife manage to get things worked out. 
Today finds me facing more initial screening tests; blood work, urinalysis, EKG, etc. These, just to determine if I am healthy enough (other than the M.D.) to withstand the secondary screening at UCLA.


that one guy said...

Good luck with your screenings! I hope you make it into the trial.

It seems that some women think that, when they marry a man, they should be his ONLY means of sexual release, and if they don't supply it, then he shouldn't have any at all. Even masturbating is a form of cheating, in their minds.

I don't pretend to understand it, I'm just going from what I've heard (and read). As I said on the previous comment thread: it's like someone who doesn't want to eat with you, but also doesn't want you eating by yourself. Or, more accurately, they are anorexic and aren't eating, but they also insist that your need for food is unreasonable. Eating by yourself is cheating, and don't even think about going out to eat!

I don't know what they expect to happen. Eventually the man is going to realize that she does not want him to be happy, and take appropriate action. With any luck, she will question her motives and get her mind straightened out before he leaves her. It's also possible that all she ever wanted was a child and a steady income source, and will be perfectly happy to divorce him in exchange for lots of money.

Sorry if I'm a little cynical. I've seen it happen in real life before, and the damage it has caused to friends of mine.

AOM said...

I hope you are doing well, brother. Thanks for all you do for us. Wishing you all the best. Hugs, Licks,and Strokes, AOM

Xersex said...

in my opinion, men and women are sometimes so and too different to agree, expecially in sex!

Tex said...

I think a lot of women consider masturbation a form of cheating. The man is having sex that doesn't involve the woman. In the case of Friday's column, she doesn't seem to be interested in any sort of intimacy so why it upsets her that he takes care of himself is strange. I totally agree with you that we are each responsible for our own sexual release and health.

All the best on the testing.

Patrick said...

Trust all goes well with the tests/screening. Great post! Hot guys doing what cums naturally!!!

A French Patrick said...

"Stupid", it is an insult. "Stupid American!", it is a racist insult, and in France the author of such an insult risks 6 months of detention and 22,500 USD.
Nevertheless that what Christopher heard several times in Paris. Obviously, Trump did not improve the image of the Americans while with Obama that had been the opposite, but it is absolutly not an excuse.
If an American who does not speak French is stupid, the one who says it, who as regards himself speaks French and does not speak American, is not at all less stupid.
The French twats who said that to him proved nothing else than that they are stupid assholes.
I am really ashamed of my fellow countrymen who said that to him stupid because he has difficulties in French while they have the same problem in English. They made a fool of themselves without even realizing it.

In his book "The Philosophy", Courteline has written: "To be taken for an idiot in the eyes of an imbecile is a sensual delight of gourmet.”
What he means is obviously that if somebody is stupid and if he says that you are stupid, you have to consider that it is an involuntary great compliment because that means that you are not as him.

But it is not less dismaying that a very very little number of schmucks can discredit a whole nation.

Have a great day and lots of bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.

Jean WM said...

I read with interest the responses from Friday about the couple where the wife was refusing sex with her husband. Do male, gay couples ever have the same issue? It seemed from some of the responses that they don't or did I misunderstand.
Thanks Pat for your great blog, hugs and bisous FrenchPatrick.

SickoRicko said...

I wish you well with all of that!

whkattk said...

@ Tex - I fear you are correct. Many women consider masturbation "cheating." Which is ridiculous. For most men, it is a last resort - they would much rather have am engaged, active partner. As one of my astute friends said many years ago, "Never go to bed angry. Never deny your spouse/partner sexual release."

Anonymous said...

I said in the previous thread that the wife could be suffering Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, a very real illness that is not very well understood, and it seems, forgive me if I've misunderstood here, that a number of readers are siding with the husband in this scenario, and his needs, his rights as a husband. Sorry, but reading the comments that's how it seems. Others have highlighted there is something deeper going on. HSDD has been reclassified and separated by gender now, so HSDD is a diagnosis given to men, and for women is now called Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder. (Had to brush up on "official" diagnostic terms). FSAD is defined as a "lack of, or significantly reduced, sexual interest/arousal", manifesting as at least three of the following symptoms: no or little interest in sexual activity, no or few sexual thoughts, no or few attempts to initiate sexual activity or respond to partner's initiation, no or little sexual pleasure/excitement in 75%-100% of sexual experiences, no or little sexual interest in internal or external erotic stimuli, and no or few genital/nongenital sensations in 75%-100% of sexual experiences.

Of course other readers could be right, she could be withholding sex for various reasons, but there is a real chance here that she's ill. Symptoms have to be present for a minimum of 6 months and cause clinically significant distress. Basically this means it can't simply be a matter of one partner having lower libido than the other.

On the issue of her, and many women's, reaction to the husband masturbating, this is not unusual. Women generally are given different messages about masturbation and some of those messages include it being disgusting or that if your partner is masturbatung they're not being satisfied by you, or your partner shouldn't want or need to masturbate whilst in a relationship.

I'm not fully conversant with this as women don't often seek help for FSAD. I'm a counsellor who has training in psychosexual therapy, so it's part of my knowledge base. It's an interesting area.

Cheers, Bretty

whkattk said...

@ Bretty - Thank you for the comments. I sure hope that man has returned to read them.

Our interest in sex can rise and fall, but complete disinterest for such a long period of time should be worrisome - even for the wife!

The problem with masturbation as you describe is probably right on. But those attitudes need to change. Masturbation is a normal part of a man's sexual activity - married or not, engaging in partner sex or not.

Gabriel said...

Hope your screenings went well.