This email from a reader while I was gone:
"My partner gives the best head and hand-jobs ever. But he can't cum unless he's got his own hand wrapped around his dick. No matter what I do or try, I get nothing. A minute later, stroking himself, he blasts geysers. What am I doing wrong?"
Nothing. Not a single thing. There are men who have a tough time cumming. Known as "anorgasmia," it's not as uncommon as you may think. It may be mental, it may be physical, it may be a combination.
Something you might want to bear in mind is that we guys have the reputation of being able to get our rocks off in "a New York minute;" we're always ready, always willing, and certainly always able. But, we place way too much importance on it. Whether it's because we fire off like a Minuteman Missile, or we have difficulty cumming, we always seem to place it at 10 on the satisfaction scale when we're with a partner. Rather, we should be enjoying the mutual sensations and the closeness, the intimacy.
The real question here is, does he enjoy himself, is he satisfied with the "outcum?" In other words, it could be more a of an issue for you than it is for him.
If he's complaining, or if it's that important to you that you make him cum, then you might want to suggest seeking assistance, as a couple, with a sex therapist.
10 comments:
Great question and answer, accompanied by great pix! (Good to have you back!)
I'm actually like that. A guy can blew me forever or give a hand job, and I can last forever. The only way I ever come is my own hand, or anal sex. And it's not because I'm not turned on. I'm am. I just know the exact touch and pressure I like. The lad has got me off twice, but his arms were exhusted.
Excellent info and advice, bro. Thanks for all you do for us. I hope you have a delicious jizztastic day. Hugs, Licks, and Strokes, AOM
I'm sure you're correct! I've been with guys who have said, "Let me finish!" Thanks for your visit and comment. Need new glasses and a "Field of Vision" test. Collect the glasses next week. Rain here overnight. 11C now!
As regards your reader's partner I think that it's not "anorgasmia", because he has no problem when he wanks by himself.
Your reader has to respect the habits and preferences of his partner.
Ultimately, they have both got their pleasure? That has nothing catastrophic.
Your reader wants to wear the fact of making his partner ejaculate as a badge of honor, but it is only a point of honor misplaced which can only spoil their lives and their relationship.
Love, hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.
Hi,
ME TOO! well I have the same problem. I had sex with some really hot guys, they gave me the best BJ and HJ but they tried and tried after more than 3 min just nothing happen. but when I do it my self infront of him just a min I come non stop.. sometimes it is really kind of embarrassing.
When I am on top also the same..
I was like that, too. I had masturbated for so many years alone that, when i had some partnered fun,i could get oh-so close to an ejaculation but it needed my own familiar hand to finish. Even now there are very few guys who can make me cum. What i find really helpful when i take over to finish the job, is for my partner to carry on stroking and playing with his hands and fingers on me - scrotum, inner thighs, perineum, nipples, pubic area - keeps us both involved and makes my orgasm even more erotic and powerful.
I've given over 1000 erotic massages, often ending in jacking off the man on the table. I've got a real gift for cock massage! Some guys choose, as I do, not to come on the massage table. Others, maybe less than 10% can only come with their own hands, or when their nipples are being sucked, or a cock is nudging their rosebuds. I usually can avoid shooting while I'm being jacked by someone else (and by myself) but a few guys make me come every time.
So it's a complicated mix of mix of energy flowing between us, our own experience with learning to masturbate just one particular way, novelty vs familiarity, cock handling skills, etc. A huge component is mental. And penises don't always follow directions. I think the right approach is to find what works between you in the moment and go with it- not be hung up on judgments or preconceptions.
@ Anon - That's probably what a sex therapist would suggest - to continue to be involved by touching and kissing while his partner finishes.
@ Fullmoonma - You are correct that he shouldn't get hung up about it; he should enjoy the journey. And, actually, he should be thankful that his partner can ejaculate - there are men who can't cum at all.
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