"We live in a warm climate we're naturists and spend as much time as possible naked. As a result I never hid anything from my sons and they grew up knowing boners and jerking off was natural. Masturbation have always been just a natural part of life. Our sons who still live at home thought they are old enough and could be out on their own. When my wife is not home we will sometimes jerk off out by the pool. Over the past weekend I noticed a neighbor in an upstairs window watching and we made eye contact. Yesterday he boldly asked if sometimes he might join us. I stammered and didn't quite know what to say. How do I respond to this?"
First of all, I applaud your sense of normalcy with being a naturist family. (For those who may be unaware, naturist is preferred over nudist.) But I have to say, if you and your sons are outdoors where you know there is the possibility of being observed, you really should not be shocked to know a neighbor has seen you enjoying yourselves.
Is his interest in skinny dipping in your pool?
Or did he specifically say he wanted to join in on the jacking off?
Then address the question with the neighbor. Because everyone needs to be comfortable in the situation.
Any reader suggestions?
Any reader suggestions?
17 comments:
I think your response here is appropriate. It sounds as if the sons are of legal age and the Dad/sons have boundaries that do not extend beyond jerking off. While for me it seems strange because I did not have that relationship with my Dad OR son I'm turned on by the idea. I think if the sons are of legal age and they are ok with it, they give the neighbor the boundaries they have and if he is interested, the more the merrier.
why not? he could join them
Um, no. Having the neighbor join in the fun is gonna get weird pretty quick. He's an outsider. I think that you should politely decline his request, stressing that the skinny-dipping (etc.) is "family time."
If, however, you want to meet up with the neighbor one-on-one, then I'd say go for it. Make a new naked friend.
"How do I respond to this?"
By all means YES!!!!!!!!!
first, do a search about the neighbor.
Married, single, gay,straight?
is he trying to "join and enjoy" or is a trap for blackmailing?
How aware is the wife/mother of the jerking activities?
the 4 should sit down and set the rules and boundaries accepted by everybody.
A non-disclosure agreement will be a good option.
All said, let him in! the more the better!
Someone outside the family makes things complicated. Is the man married, children? If he's looking, will they? Suddenly it's the talk of the neighborhood. My vote is keep it simple, and beware of outsiders who can observe. Hugs and bisous.
I was surprised by the neighbour asking to join in: I thought perhaps the story would be that he was angry he could see the private activity.
However, don't expect the request to merely remain participation in masturbation, I suspect the neighbour might want to progress into mutual masturbation and then sex, so you need to be prepared for escalation potential. Because of the male sex drive, it can be a predatory world out there with an emphasis on coercion.
The question for me would be whether the Father anticipated the natural state to eventually extend to mutual masturbation and then even sex, within the family, if that was what the young men wanted. It's a difficult situation with young men and an age and authority difference as you do not want power dynamics to result in coercion, but you might want to leave open the opportunity for the young men to suggest exploration of their own volition. To be able to do that, they have to understand that it is not only possible but that the parent is comfortable with that, else the youngsters might feel too afraid to even broach what they want. That's assuming the young men are of consenting age: if not, then all bets are off.
So, the first step is to understand the boundaries within the family and whether these might change over time. Once these have been established, then the next step is to see how the family feels about introducing outsiders without feeling obliged to do so.
It's important to know what boundaries you want from the start: you might want to protect the young men from dynamic coercion, but allow them to initiate exploration of their own volition.
Personally I would be reluctant to introduce an outsider at this early stage before anyone has had a chance to consider the ramifications, especially of power dynamics coercion.
It would be interesting to know how broad naturists values extend, considering sex is also a natural part of life. I should imagine there would be some boundary between observation of nudity and sexual activity.
Well, they're all consenting adult males, right? If the neighbour is okay with what he has seen, why deny him the pleasure of your company? If wants to pump cock with you, hell, go for it. If you really believe it's natural and healthy, it shouldn't bother any of you to have another male with you whether he jerks off or not.
I agree with Mistress Maddie. But I find the father/son thing to be a tad creepy.
It should definitely be a group decision. He should ask the sons if they're comfortable having a guest and go from there. If they're truly naturists they'll have experienced group nudity. Dad should then have a chat with the neighbor and see what his intentions are and see if his sons are comfortable with it. It really should be agreed upon by all involved. But on a side note, I'd love an invite for a naked pool day!
Absolutely No.
1. These are familial bonding moments and should remain as such. Adding an outside element, such as the neighbor, cheapens this making it all about sex.
2. Sounds like the family had an expectation of privacy and wasn't purposely making a public display. So the discovery that the neighbor was perving on them is kind of creepy IMHO, especially because he asked to join in.
Sad that in today’s world you have to be so careful, but you might want to consider putting something in writing if you decide to let the neighbor join in.
This sounds equally hot and a little disturbing, which makes it thrilling.
I know, I'm weird.
XOXO
I believe Anon @ 9:22 PM went around the question. Not only is it a matter of group discussion/decision but also of boundaries as to what an how that private moments should be kept within the current circle or extended to an outsider. The precautionary principle has to come first, especially if the neighbor is not someone acquainted to the family.
On the other hand, an openly discussion with the neighbor could help clarify the thing and lead to a swinging party between adults on a shaggy carpet while the youngsters are away :-)
It was implied but not stated that the next-door neighbor was an adult. Was he? Or a teenager?
--PaulMmn
@ Paul - Not sure. I'm assuming adult. I hope the guy who wrote in would've said if the neighbor was a teen. Plus, I don't a teen would be that bold with an adult neighbor. LOL
I'm not surprised at the polarised reaction to the situation: the whole area of nudity, sexual development, sexual education, exploration and boundaries has not been openly discussed or addressed by society in any mature way, but ignored, swept under the carpet, left to trial and error or relying on age-old taboos that are more interested in the consequences for women than about men.
I think many Fathers are afraid of crossing some arbitrary boundary in ensuring their sons are educated about all things male, so it just becomes easier to let them find out for themselves, or not, or direct them to 3rd party material. What are we really concerned about in sons learning from or sharing with their Fathers what it means to be a man, more directly than giving him a book to read and where should we draw the line?
Personally, I think any boundary between Fathers and sons should only begin at physical contact and even then, not when initiated by the son. Fathers should be free to discuss anything with their son and even to model something, such as a Ball Check. If we aren't to be ashamed of our bodies then we should be able to use them as examples. A picture says a thousand words. I'm particularly concerned that homophobia drives young men into the outside world to explore and experiment, where it is not safe and more open to coercion.
It's ironic that many boys enjoy rough and tumble games with Dad and he's trusted to understand limits, but as soon as it becomes anything to do with sexuality, physical contact is frowned upon.
It can be a fine line walking between learning and reducing the pitfalls of trial and error, and protecting a young person from coercive advantage by another, but I feel we do the young a disservice by preventing safer learning environments and leaving it to chance in order to protect them from other things.
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