Reader Doug sent along a wonderful article, from PsyPost, on a study specifically looking at the why's of masturbation frequency during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Everyone knows why we do. It: Relieves tension, a great sleep aid, relieves horniness, helps regain focus, pleasurable, good for prostate and overall health. It can also help in body positivity.
"The commonly reported reasons for not masturbating include lack of privacy, shame (cultural or religious), and disapproval from one’s partner." [bold is mine]
According to the study, it is because those individuals consider any sexual activity which does not include their partner or spouse to be cheating.
"...feeling they are cheating on their partner, their partner disapproving of them masturbating..."
"helps balance discrepancies in frequency desires. Since there is no formula bestowed during a marriage ceremony that magically aligns two people to have the same level of sexual interest, masturbation is a good thread to weave through a relationship’s tapestry. Some wrestle with deeply held feelings that they should be everything their partner desires sexually. This is a nearly impossible task... Masturbation helps with imbalance and helps couples avoid being coerced up y bor down in frequency by their partner. It's an aid to a relationship over the long haul."
Further and, perhaps, most importantly, Counseling.org says,
"Masturbation can lead to an increase in desire, arousal, overall sexual function, ... which can spill over into mutual encounters." [bold is theirs]
In short
13 comments:
Maximus and I have different needs when it comes to the amount of stimulation daily. He requires stimulation more often than I. It works great that he can take care of his needs when I am busy. Am not jealous of Rosie palm, her 5 sisters, or any toys that are used.
It helps with incompatibility, like if one partner's desire is higher than the other's.
Excellent post!
It's very interesting question when you think about it. The couples that I know that have an issue with masturbation on the side, gay or straight couples that I know, say that the guy tends to jack off too much, so that when the other one initiates sex, they aren't in the mood for it because they've already jacked off. I suppose it isn't always be the case depending on one's libido. I know myself for instance I'm always ready. I can remember when I was with my ex, I would have a nice long session to masturbating only to have him come home 10 minutes later and want sex. I never had any issues. And I can remember when me and him would walk in on each other, it either never bothered us, or We join in or watch.
And PS Pat, that second photo is downright the hottest thing I've seen all day. It's had quite an effect.
I think a lot of women simply don’t understand the basic physical importance of male masturbation, because their own bodies function differently from men. i.e. there isn’t such a thing as “blue balls“ for women, there isn’t this sense of urgency for women.
Also, they think that their partner’s first choice should always be them, and that’s not how men think.
TGIF. Hugs and bisous.
@ Jean - That's the true issue between straight couples when it comes to the guy masturbating. Thank goodness, after I explained it, my wife was okay with it. Hugs and bisous.
The partner. Thats how it is with my closest friend. If his wife caught him with his hand around his dick he wouldnt hear the end of it and accuses him of cheating. Yet if he cant get his dick hard when she wants it again she starts yelling at him and plays the cheating card again. They have 2 sons and the oldest has just hit puberty and already has starting setting distance with his mother. The mother keeps pushing for a relationship with the son but he doesnt want it. My friend dreads the day his wife gets to their sons before he does. They have some time as the wife goes to work early and he takes them to school before he goes to work.
With my partner we have no issues with it. We work different times so we not always going to be at home at the same time. We have walked in on each other jerking off and its either let the other be, join in, help out or leads further.
@ JeanWM - women thinking they should be their partners first choice is unreasonable, when said women also reject their partners first choice when they aren't interested or expect men to be available when women are interested. It becomes a situation of choice for women but not for men, who have to match womens choice and not their own: that's effectively a hostage situation with men not allowed to do anything unless their partner agrees, even when its to do with their own sovereign body.
@ T - That's a problem that if not fixed will 1. Cause an end to the marriage; and much, MUCH worse: 2. Cause a lot of issue for their sons. The wife is going to regret it when those boys shut down on her completely. I hope your friend takes the time NOW to begin talking and establishing a good relationship with his oldest. He could even go so far as to take his son out of school for a day, take him out for breakfast and have father-son day, and talk. Now is the time.
@ Anon, January 16, 2023 at 2:37 AM - That's why it is up to the guy to have a very frank discussion with his partner. The situation you describe can be avoided by honest, open conversations. The more women understand the physiological makeup of men, the better their relationships will be.
I honestly masturbate when I can't sleep, to relax and get a little tired. And I have to say it works great!
@whkattk , the marriage is done. Once the youngest turns 18 they getting a divorce. The 2 sons already know what is happening within the home with their parents. Their kids are smart. The wife is a piece of work and her family is in on it too. It runs in the family.
The mother has worked the youngest over. That will be the harder one for the dad as the youngest plays both parents off each other.
The good thing is the eldest son is now much closer with his dad now. They have their own thing going on. The body talk has already happened as puberty hit the eldest like an overnight freight train.
@ T - The youngest may come to regret his games. The dad has his work cut out for him with that one - but so glad the dad and the oldest are on the right track.
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