Celebrate/Honor/Worship

I’ve had lots of women say “men are pigs” and, when I would ask why, most would respond with: “They just are.” One very good female friend, who always says what she thinks, answered pretty succinctly: “All they think about is their dicks!”

I laughed. Couldn’t really argue except to say, “We certainly do! But you say the word ‘dick’ like they’re a bad thing and I would beg to differ with you.” We both laughed when she said, “That’s just because you have one.”

Well, can I just say… If getting totally wrapped up in the sensations, being aware of nothing but the hardness of the shaft and burgeoning head, the pulsing, the look, the smell, the sound, the flow of pre-cum; being in the moment of stroking my cock, making it throb and feel good with the resulting explosion of cum, then… All I can say is, “Oink! Guilty as charged, your Honor.”

I think our phallus’s should be honored and celebrated and worshipped – just like they were in ancient societies; a time when images of cock were painted and sculpted on everything from walls, statues, church ceilings, urns, placed on residential doorways like a Mezuzah, and even paved into the streets of ancient Rome. Sexual orientation didn’t matter, never entered the equation; it was a simple display of inspiration and awe.

Be proud of what you have

I would like to bring the Phallus back to that status. Fully accepted, revered by everyone – without derision – for the miracle it is. We should celebrate the way it looks, the function and, most decidedly, the pleasure we receive from it.

The term “Self-Abuse” is ugly. When I’m lying naked and running my hands up and down my shaft, it’s in gentle, loving strokes. Hell, if it’s a total ‘death grip’ furious pounding of my fist, my cock surely doesn’t react as if it’s being treated poorly. It rewards me for my ministrations; it tingles as the nerves vibrate, it jumps and twitches seeking more attention, it gets even harder and sends delicious shivers up my spine. When I cup my balls and rub them in light little circles or bounce them in a palm it doesn’t feel as if I’m abusing anything. My nuts pull closer to me, readying to anoint my hand and my body. Together they spill their warm liquid and I find myself awash in indescribable pleasure.

Celebrate it

Honor it

For me, it’s not self-abuse. I’m celebrating being a man, honoring what nature put between my legs, worshipping the anointing fluids it spews forth.

and worship it

and it will reward you

J/O for Sleep

All men whack the willy. I’d be willing to bet that, at any given point in time, like right now while you’re reading this – and stroking yours (you are, aren’t you?) – there are millions of guys all over the world milking the juice from their berries. So it would seem weird for the need to tell a guy to do it. But, last week, that’s exactly what happened.

A poster to a JUB forum had said several sleepless nights left him exhausted, yet he still couldn’t sleep, and wanted suggestions as to what might help. I responded with: “Jack off. Seriously, dude. Jack off.”

While we generally don’t need instructions, the ability for masturbation to change the focus of our thoughts is a great thing. It’s a tool we have at our disposal and sometimes forget to employ. Anxiety can keep our minds from shutting off when it’s time for sleep; thoughts about work or family issues invade our brains and refuse to cease. An almost sure-fire cure is giving ourselves a good hand-job. But… whacking off for this particular reason requires a more subtle technique, so I gave the guy brief instructions on how to jack off to calm the mind. I thought it might be good to share with you.

No television or radio. Turn the phones off or unplug them. Make sure no one will disturb you: no wife or kids, or roommate – give instructions if you have to be blunt about it (I do). The entire exercise should take about an hour.

Strip down, lie back on the bed, and stretch out in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and just concentrate on your breathing. Breathe with purpose, slowly. Use the index and middle fingers of both hands to press lightly on your temples, making small circles. Soothe your brow with slow massaging strokes from the bridge of your nose, outward to the temples and then down along your jawbone; until you feel your facial muscles begin to relax. Keep the breathing purposeful; slow inhale and exhale. Now expand the line of your massaging to continue down your neck, lightly tracing your fingertips along the nape and out toward the shoulders.

Continue this down to the chest. Gently apply a kneading pressure to your pecs and massage them, allowing your hands to wander to your sides with a soft, gentle touch. Trade off between here and running your hands over the entire length of your arms, from pit to fingertips. Stay conscious of the breaths but begin to concentrate on the sensations you are creating. Do not move to the next step until you sense the muscles in the area begin to relax.

Now slowly expand your massage and light stroking to include your abdomen and belly. Light circles with the tips of your fingers, back and forth across the width of your body. Allow the edge of your hands to brush lightly against the tip and shaft of your cock. Concentrate on the sensation, feel the swelling begin. Slide your fingertips to the inside of your thighs; again very soft, slow movements and allowing your fingers to rub against your balls. With your index and middle fingers of both hands, push on the root of your dick, below the balls. Rub and massage the area, encouraging your cock to engorge to its full hardness. Do not move to the next step until your cock is fully rigid.

Gently cup your balls and roll them and lightly squeeze. Keep the breath even and slow and deliberate. Focus your mind on the physical feelings and push against the hardness between your nuts. Using only your fingertips, stroke a line along the sides of your shaft, from base to tip, lightly following the curves of it. Let your thumb linger on the very tip of your cockhead and spread any pre-cum over the head and tease the underside. Pinch the skin there between two thumb and forefinger and roll it around. Press down against the shaft with the palm of a hand and push your hard-on back and forth across your abs.

Keep the breathing slow, purposeful. Let your mind focus on and enjoy the sensations being created in your crotch. Think of nothing but the feel of your hands on your body – the heightening response of the nerve endings. Using both hands in an alternating rhythm, wrap one loosely around the base of the shaft and slowly stroke all the way up and off, letting gravity bring your cockhead down to gently slap against your stomach; wrap the alternate hand and repeat. Feel the vibrations that run through the entire shaft and resonate in your balls.

Grab your cock at the base with your preferred hand (you may change hands during, of course). Keep your hard-on close to your body, using the natural angle of pointing to your head. Slowly begin to stroke with a gentle pressure as you move up the shaft and loosening your grip on the way back down. Use a very slow, deliberate, and steady pace. Engage your other hand to gently massage your nipples and balls, stroke and tease the inside of your thighs. Think of nothing but the pleasure you’re creating for yourself. Focus on it and nothing else. As your entire mind begins to focus on nothing but your cock and balls, allow the stroking of the shaft to pick up a faster pace – but don’t force this, allow it to happen naturally.

Breathing is still deliberate, but, now, allow your breaths to match the strokes of your hands. Sense your balls beginning to elevate, notice your hips beginning to thrust. Let it build, feel the build. Focus on the further hardening, the expanding shaft and head. Let your mind focus on the burgeoning of it, the fullness in your prostate, the tensing of the smooth-muscles in your groin. Begin to thrust through your hand, letting the sensations build slowly, bring your breathing to a deliberate matching of those thrusts. Feel the heat build in your cock and how it begins to pulsate with your heartbeat. Notice the first surge of cum gather. Thrust your hips until the edge of your hand is against the base of the shaft and then squeeze and milk the spurt along and through your cock as you pull your hips back. Feel the intense sensation as it passes through and fires out the head. Feel the hot liquid as it splatters over you. Continue to thrust and milk each shot up and through, reveling in the sensations as it moves up and out and sprays over your chest and stomach, hot and thick. Slow your strokes and your breathing as the spasms subside and the cum slows to a drool. Notice and feel the warm, expanding pools of liquid on your abs.

Feel the serotonin wash through your entire body. Feel the muscles relax. Continue with slow, gentle stroking as your hard-on wilts. Breathe slowly, deliberately. When your cock is completely soft, bring your arms down to your sides. Take one last, deep, deep breath and exhale very slowly and let your entire body further relax and melt into the mattress. And allow yourself to drift into sleep.

Don’t think about cleaning up; let your cum dry on your body – it’s not going to hurt anything. If you’re like some guys and you just can’t bring yourself to fall asleep without cleaning up in some way, here’s an alternative: After your cock softens to half-mast, very slowly massage your cum into the skin. Just keep your mind focused on the silkiness and slickness of the warm liquid and how nice it feels.

I employ this every so often and I always end up sleeping like a baby through the night. I wake up with an incredible hard-on; my dick feels good, my balls feel great and I generally feel refreshed, calm, and in good spirits.

Military Circle-Jerk

I got a request from a reader to expound on the military circle-jerks. I know from forums I’ve read a lot of guys wonder, especially since U.S. military service is no longer mandatory, if any type of male-male activity goes on. It seems a worthwhile topic.

As I’ve already explained in the post (Unfounded) Fears of a Dry Spell, damn near all the guys in boot camp whacked off every night after “lights out.” In the barracks at Tech School, the guys would lock themselves in latrine stalls to do the deed. It was during my first assignment I got lucky enough to share my (dorm-room-like) barracks living quarters with a guy who harbored no shame in lounging around nude and whacking off. In the military you learn quite rapidly to get over any embarrassment of being naked and/or morning boners, but it was pleasantly surprising to room with someone who loved to jack off, wasn’t ashamed to admit it and did it every night.

It was this sergeant who not only shared his porn collection with me for bate fuel, but invited me to my first circle-jerk. This happened several weeks after I arrived and (I guess) he had a chance to determine if I was the “right kind of guy;” in other words, trustworthy. I followed him up to the third floor barracks room where he knocked on the door. It opened a small crack, a face appeared for a second, and we were admitted. About 6 guys were already there bullshitting and drinking beer. We put our $5 each into the collection jar, the required contribution to the beer and porn fund. Someone tossed us a can of beer and we settled in. I saw a film projector set up on one end of the small room, pointed at a wall, already loaded and ready to go. After about 15 minutes, the door got locked, the lights were snapped off and the projector started.

In the flickering light you could see everyone had a woody and some were already rubbing their dicks through their pants. Slowly, one by one, zippers came down and hard cocks popped out. Hands were in motion. I opened my pants and dropped them to the floor and started stroking along with the rest of them. It wasn’t much longer before I felt a hand wrap around my shaft. I looked around and a lot of the guys had shed all clothing, hands fondling each other’s balls and stroking the cock next to them. I stepped out of my pants and latched on to the one next to me. Guys moved freely around the room, playing for a while and then grabbing another hard dick for some playtime.

I have to admit it was terrific after all the time that had passed since my brother and our buddies would service one another. My head lolled back, my eyes closed and I lost myself in the feel of it; the wonderful sensations of a guy pleasuring my cock, jiggling my balls. I’m not really sure how long it took, but I felt a mouth close over the head of my pecker. I looked down in surprise to see questioning eyes look up at me. I nodded and put my hands on the back of his head and pushed him down over the shaft and let him work his magic.

At that point it became more than a circle-jerk. Standard jack-off group rules are “no lips below the hips,” but who was I to argue; I was the new-comer (no pun intended) and it didn’t happen every time. While this guy went to town sucking on my cock, the other guys gathered round us. They stroked themselves and each other. In low voices, they encouraged the guy sucking me off. He moved around the circle to get a taste of every cock in the room. Seven guys in a circle, pounding away, and a guy swallowing dicks to the base until his nose was buried in pubes, was getting too much for me. I had to push away the hand playing with my balls and wanking on my crank.

The pivot-man, still on his knees, made his way around to me again. He no sooner gobbled down and started swirling his tongue on the underside of my cockhead than I felt my nuts jerk up – hard. There was no stopping it now. I groaned, thrust my hips at his face, grabbed the back of his head and blasted a strong shot of cum down his throat. He gagged a bit and I let him pull back. I looked around and the other six guys began to pound their puds with a fury. Cum started flying from all directions! I shot a load all over his face and chest and he pumped my dick for more as he lapped at it with his tongue.

This guy got covered in jizz. His back, arms, his hair, and it was as if he couldn’t get enough. When my cock wilted, he swiveled to the next guy and milked him; around the circle he went until all of us stood stroking our limp dicks and massaging or cupping our empty man-berries. Then he leaned back on his haunches and pounded out the biggest load of jizz I’d ever seen in my young life. Cum soared into the air and splattered all over the floor – I even felt a few hot spurts hit my legs and run down to my feet.

Somebody tossed him a towel, but he didn’t use it except for what he couldn’t reach with his tongue (though he didn’t clean up the floor that way, thank God). Guys went back to their respective starting places; more beer got passed around and conversation started up again as if nothing unusual had taken place at all. After about 30 minutes guys started getting dressed and leaving.

I attended every one unless I had duty. Of course, 2 or 3 guys would get together in between for some mutual stroking; there are a couple instances which still stand out in my mind. But the monthly Stag Parties, as we referred to them – especially after most of us got married – were great even though we had to be very cautious. For the sake of mutual jack-off artists everywhere in the military I hope Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell gets abolished in a hurry. Men who like to kick back and whack off together will be able to cease worrying about a career and enjoy themselves.

J/O is Harmful???



Playing with this is BAD???



It was definitely another WTF moment. I stumbled across some posts on an internet site geared specifically toward men 18 to 45. I was stunned, and angry, to say the least… I’ve never seen anything like it in my entire life; never heard such drivel in my entire life – except, maybe, from the Catholic Church and other religious “wing-nuts” as Bill Mahr calls them. Due to legal ramifications – and the fact I’d like to keep this blog going – I’m prevented from naming names. I can only surmise the publication is a subsidiary of some religious, extreme-right-leaning organization. This E-zine/Newsletter claims the entire purpose of their existence is to make you a better man. Yet, the number of posted articles by “clinical sexologists,” under their sex category which rant against masturbation is astounding! These so-called experts claim it damages your equipment, lowers testosterone and energy, lowers your libido and decreases semen output. These “experts” should be ashamed of themselves and I pity the poor men who listen to them.

One can only wonder why anyone who claims to have a vast knowledge about the male human reproductive system could possibly say masturbation is harmful in any way. You’d have to be living in the dark ages of the early Twentieth Century to believe such pablum.

Men’s Health magazine, a well respected, international publication for men, has repeatedly published articles over the years written by leading and highly revered doctors, urologists, and sex experts who have expounded on the benefits of jacking off. According to these folks, the effects of a frequent wank will help keep the tissues of your cock healthy, increase your libido, and help maintain your testosterone levels. And, just for the record: Semen output during orgasm is directly related to the amount and length of arousal. The more aroused and the longer a man stays aroused the more cum he produces when he blows his load.

Everyone has their biases – I certainly have mine; especially when it comes to this topic. And everyone (in the U.S., anyway) has the right to express an opinion. But it would be nice if expressing that opinion did not cause harm. In my view: discouraging men from whacking off does a great deal of harm.

Jerking off is good for men. It’s healthy. It lowers the risk of prostate cancer and that’s one hell of a big plus! It’s good for mental health as well. It can help reduce stress and anxiety, which reduces blood pressure, which, in turn, reduces the risk of heart attack; another huge plus.

Stroke ‘em, gentlemen! And stroke ‘em often. Do your utmost to empty that prostate and those balls on a daily basis.

Public Boners

I was checking the stats on the blog and found it interesting that the most popular post (so far) is the one on embarrassing boners. Guess it’s a pretty common thing among us. Our cocks will harden in an instant and they don’t seem to care who’s around. Popping boners in full view of the public... Well, it happens.

I think I’ve certainly had my share of them, from high locker rooms and showers to the local gyms I’ve belonged to. Certainly, the worst would have to be the one the Urologist gave me and ended up milk-stroking to make me cum and the one the tech gave me during the sonogram that I had to relieve before I could get my briefs on. Which was the worst of the worst, don’t think I could choose.

Though I’ve gotten better about it over the years, I always envied dudes who could walk around a locker room, or stand in a gang shower soaping up the old dong, get hard as a steel I-beam and not give a shit who noticed. ‘Cause try as I may, I was always embarrassed if my cock got even sort of hard. Being ashamed of my parts functioning normally was something I’ve worked at overcoming.

The last pole I popped in public was on a cruise. The crew was naked the whole time and so were most of the passengers. Anyway, this was a fairly small two-masted yacht. The Captain said we could use the head if we had to shit, but no pissing was allowed down there. If you had to take a whizz, you stood on the rail of the stern and let ‘er rip. Of course at one point or another, you gotta take a leak. The bladder can only get so full before it threatens to burst inside your body.

A small group of us had been sitting on deck bullshitting and comparing porn collections. I got a bit of a hard-on, but didn’t worry about it because the other 4 guys had semi’s going as well. I stood up and walked to the rail, got up on it and hung on to a rope line with both hands to keep from falling overboard. With both hands occupied, all I could do for any kind of aim was thrust my hips forward so I could be sure my dick was hanging beyond the back of the boat – I mean, how embarrassing would it be to have to tell a crew member I’d pissed all over the deck and stern rail?

It’s not easy to take a piss in this position; posed naked on the back of a boat. The exhibitionist in me went for the gold and my cock pointed to the few clouds dotting the sky over the Carribean. The more I pushed and strained the more my cock just throbbed upward. So, I’m standing there, holding on for dear life, my stiffy bobbing along with the waves, and finally, finally! I get a stream going. The arc of it is huge because of my hard-on and, with my head leaned back and my eyes shut, I’m really beginning to feel the relief when I hear a horn blast. Another sailboat comes sliding by, all the folks on it waving at me! Well, you’d have thought my dick would wilt right then and there, wouldn’t you? Nope, not a chance. What could I do? I dared to take one hand off the rope line and waved back and gave them all a big, valiant smile.

When my stream slowed to a dribble I shook and squeezed the last of it out and jumped back down to the deck. I turned around and there’s one of the cute, studly crew members standing behind me waiting his turn. Again, my cheeks turned hot with embarrassment. I said, “Damn, I gotta say, that’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to do.” I immediately thought Dumb-ass, nice choice of words.

The kid smiled, looked at my roaring hard dick, gave it a little tap with his right hand and said, “I can see that.” Then he laughed, hopped up on the rail and whizzed like it was nothin’.

I did get a lot of compliments and attention from the guys when I returned to the circle though.

It’s Not Wrong (Part III)

Okay, we’ve discussed the important need for women to understand why we whack off in the first place. Hopefully, you’ve explained it and they finally understand. You’ve told them how we enter into the brotherhood of men; how it makes us feel included, that we belong to something awesome. That leads us to the first, tentative reaching out to our buddies: How it starts, how we feel about it when it happens. But, most importantly, why we want to (re)discover it as adults.

Quite frequently, being together as teens while jacking off will lead to touching each other’s hard-on’s. Ladies, this is very normal behavior – so don’t be freaking out when you discover your young son(s) doing this. It doesn’t mean he’s gay; it will not “turn him gay.” If you haven’t learned by now, repeat after me: “Gays are born, not made.” But, more importantly, mutual masturbation has nothing to do with sexual orientation; Zero! Nada. Zip! Zilch!!

So many boys discover the wonders of this experience as teens, either with friends, a brother, or a cousin. I know from reading blogs and boards on the internet many straight men, who didn’t have the pleasure as a kid, have heard about it or talked about it, and wondered about it; and wanted to try it. They want to know what they’ve missed, if anything; if it’s “all that” – after all, they feel they do pretty decent by themselves in the hand-job department.

But, here’s the rub: You will get the most incredible hand-job of your life from another dude. Simply put, it’s because he knows exactly what to do and when to do it. You don’t have to tell him, or guide him – he knows because he’s a man. But, it’s not only about making a guy feel good, but to feel great about himself; making him feel connected, that he belongs.

Those who discover mutual jack-off as young teens will spend the next several years enjoying the pleasure of stroking one another’s dicks. It’s a bonding experience. They easily relate and connect. They become brothers (of a sort).

Later, when all their peers start boasting about getting laid and getting blow-jobs and hand-jobs from the girls, the mutual masturbation may come to a halt – it generally does. But it’s not something they’ll forget about – ever. No matter how deep into a heterosexual lifestyle they entrench themselves, they’ll always remember how nice it was to just kick back with a friend or two and just be “guys, doing what guys do;” being completely, unabashedly comfortable in their maleness.

Later, after he’s grown and, perhaps, married or partnered, the time will come when he’ll think about those friends and those days, and wish he could be that kid again. He misses that sense of brotherhood. Ladies, it does not mean anything more than a desire to recapture that kind of bond with another man; a guy who can relate to what he feels. He wants to feel that camaraderie again. He wants to be with other guys who help him celebrate being male. He wants to feel as if he belongs again. Feeling you belong, makes you feel like a whole human being.

Think of it this way: We all want friends who can relate to our life experiences, people who understand and know what we go through, what we feel. It’s what we all search for in our fellow human beings. It’s what two or more men get when they can kick back, watch some porn, toss back a couple of brews, and bullshit about, and do, any number of guy things. It just so happens that, for a lot of us, one of those “guy things” happens to be whacking off together once in a while.

***

So, guys, I hope this helps you to approach your wives/girlfriends on the subject. Broach the subject slowly, in stages, with the care and dignity you both deserve. As with any other issue in a relationship, it’s about respectful communication to present wants, needs, desires in a non-threatening way a partner will understand. If she wants a partner who is happy and feels good about himself, if this is something he wants/needs in his life, she’ll understand and give him the green light.

It’s Not Wrong (Part II)

Now that we’ve educated the girls on our habits of whacking off, they need to learn what it means for men to bond. As we grow up, we look for people outside the family unit to interact with. For guys, it’s probably not a whole lot different than for girls. It’s about finding a few friends who share our interests and some secrets. It just so happens those interests are (usually) sports, knocking each other around, picking on the younger, smaller guys, sneaking banned items either into or out of the house and doing other things we’d get in trouble for if our folks knew what we were up to.

Somewhere in our early “tweens” (8 to 10) we dare to ask our buddies what they might know, or may have heard, about getting boners. The questions lead to looking at and comparing: who might have the longest or fattest, whose might curve left or right; who has the biggest balls, or hang lowest; whose pubes may have started to grow in. This is long past the age we've had peeing contests to see who could piss the farthest or longest. That was when we noticed whose was cut or uncut (thought we didn’t know those terms yet) and wondered why they were different. But, of course, no one would take the chance on asking a parent. Maybe an older brother, if there was one among the group. It might even be that older brother who supplies some information on our cocks, boners, and jacking off.

This is when the bond forms. They’ve been welcomed into an exclusive club; into the brotherhood of men. It’s the sharing of things that are strictly male, guy to guy. It’s not much different than girls sharing information about their menstruation or budding boobs. (It’s not men’s fault you ladies don’t take it further; you’re only cheating yourselves, you know.) Sharing information about our dicks, how they behave and how much fun we can have with them is a “guy thing.” Only men can impart these facts to each other. After all, a woman can’t tell a man how to clear the last tiny spit of piss from his cock; or how to roll the foreskin back and clean; or that he should shave the hair off the shaft (like the pubes bushy? leave ‘em; like a hairy ballsac?, leave it; but a hairy shaft can cause irritation in addition to cutting down on sensation). Sorry, I digress.

Forming a bond is not the same thing as being intimate; please don’t confuse the two, as women are often wont [to]. Being intimate is sharing the deepest parts of ourselves, our souls if you will, our psyche’s – our hopes and dreams, with another person. Contrary to what most women think and a lot of religious figures and psycho-babbleist’s will expound upon, sharing body parts is not intimacy. How can one be “intimate” at the age of 9, or even 14 or 15 years old? The concept is not within a young boys (or girls) power of thought.

Once that bond forms, it’s very common for guys to begin experimenting. First they might watch each other stroke and play; learning different techniques from one another, sharing what might feel better, what to do; learning what not to do to avoid pain or damage. Then, of course, come the contests: Who can cum the quickest, last the longest, shoot the biggest load, or the farthest; learning, or teaching, how to accomplish each. These, again, are things which can only be passed within the brotherhood, male to male. It’s a commonality, a connection to other guys; an experience that is male, all male; no women (physiologically, or even psychologically) allowed. This is the bond we form.

Part III will cover how that bond moves forward to new dimensions.

It’s Not Wrong (Part I)

I’ve gotten messages, questions really, in the three-and-a-half weeks since I started this blog. A good many were from married guys asking me how they could go about convincing their wives/girlfriends there’s nothing wrong about whacking off with a few buddies. It’s not an overnight process and it’ll take more than one post, so I hope you’ll bear with me.

OK guys – here’s the deal. Women just don’t “get it.” It’s widely known our propensity for masturbation is much more prolific than women’s - which is a damn shame if you ask me. I’m not sure they ever will fully understand the affinity we have for our cocks, but we need to try to explain it to them. It’s the only way to get where we want to go.

The first step is to get them to comprehend the male psyche and its connection to the penis. We are very attached to them. Three things define a man, in this order: His cock (without it we’re not male, but it truly goes beyond that), his profession and/or hobby, and his family.



Celebrate being a man. Be proud of it.



To understand why, one must realize males begin the relationship with their dicks long before they even know what a vagina is. It starts immediately after our little peckers form. Is that possible? You bet it is!

You know male fetuses have been seen in sonograms with full-blown erections (to get an adequate supply of blood oxygen to the growing tissue). But, did you know they’ve also been witnessed masturbating? Go ahead, do a Google search on “Fetal Masturbation,” I’ll wait… (Just a side note: Ladies, you do it too, so don’t go getting all “eeewww,” or “OMG” on us.) Okay? Now, unlike females and the clitoris, our love for our dicks continues after birth. As Wanda Sykes related in an interview last year: “I was changing the diaper on our two-month old son the other day. Typical male - he’s already grabbing for the pee-pee.”

 I think it’s also important to recognize, from hygiene and grooming to taking a whizz, from the moment we’ve begun potty training and bathing ourselves, we men must interact with our dicks dozens of times each day. Touching them, holding them, squeezing them, is commonplace and normal for us.

Step two is for women to accept whacking off as natural behavior. Get them to stop feeling “left out” or, (and I hate this one) feeling like “less than a desirable woman,” because we’re somewhere getting our nuts off without them. Women must be educated on why we do it.

Though the number one reason you’d get if you asked a guy would probably be: “We’re horny and there’s no other outlet available” and reasons two through ten might be: “We’re horny,” that’s oversimplification and stereotypical.

In no particular order, here’s a [partial] list of why men jerk off:

We’re nervous, tense, or keyed up over something.

We’re not able to concentrate on a task because our brains are wandering off in a million directions.

We’re feeling itchy, agitated; we need to do something physical.

We’re craving some time for ourselves.

We’re not in a mood to deal with someone else’s sexual gratification.

We’re in the shower, or relaxing in the tub, and get a hard-on.

We’re not able to get to sleep.

We’re bored.

We’re wanting to put a stop to wet dreams.

We’re preparing to last longer with a partner later on.

We’re edging in preparation for that ultimate, explosive ejaculation with a partner later on.

          Now the girls want to know what the hell that means, so forgive my sidetrack for a moment. There are various degrees of ejaculation, ladies, and the degree of satisfaction is in the formula: v(V), or volume times Velocity. The higher the volume of jizz and the greater the force with which it exits the better it feels.

We must make women clearly see it’s not always just about getting our rocks off.

The next step would be to define the difference between bonding and intimacy and how and when it begins. Perhaps that should become Part II.

Wood Happens

So, the other day I mentioned that guys whack off for a variety of reasons and (pretty much) results in the variety of ways we do it. There’s the slow and easy stroking just for the sheer pleasure of sensation to the fast, furious, death-grip pounding. As I contemplated all of this… I seem to contemplate jacking off quite a bit, don’t I? Anyway, as I contemplated this, it reminded me of a question my wife posed to me one day.

One evening I was sitting on the ledge of the pool, feet dangling in the water – naked as usual – just staring off into space, thinking about nothing in particular. My wife decided to join me in a quiet bit of relaxation and sat beside me with her cocktail in hand. A couple minutes later, she asks, “What are you thinking about?” “Nothing, why?” “Well, you have a hard-on, so I figured you had to be thinking about something.” I looked down and it was about half mast to stiff; I figured it was a good time to explain to her and point out: Wood happens.

Women have limited knowledge of the male apparatus and it’s up to us guys to educate them; though I’ve found, sadly, there are plenty of men in the world – in fact too many – who are lacking in knowledge of their equipment. Anyway, I found myself giving her a biology lesson she hadn’t gotten in school: Cocks get hard – a lot! And it doesn’t always mean we’re thinking about sex, though we do think about it a lot. Study results indicate every 5 minutes (on average) a guy will have a sexual thought of some kind.

But our dicks get hard as many as 11 times while we sleep and as many as 9 times during waking hours which can range from a full-blown, raging hard-on to a semi. Some are caused by thoughts of sex or because we’re horny (that would be those steel-pole-stiffys), but most are just the body ensuring there is an adequate supply of blood to the tissue. Once we pass puberty, we get used to the mini-erections and don’t really notice them, other than maybe having to adjust the position of the package. The rest of them, we notice – boy! do we notice. These are the ones we want to fully satisfy, to relieve, ending with an explosion of cum.

My favorite boner is the first one I wake up with in the morning. I love morning wood. I definitely notice and pay attention to this one! It’s always rock hard and huge. I enjoy thrusting it against the mattress and then rolling to my back to give it some encouraging strokes, even though I won’t get my nuts off. I find it a terrific way to start and face my day.

Help me out here, guys. Leave a comment because I really want to know: On an average day, how many times does your dick get hard and which one is your favorite????