It’s Not Wrong (Part I)

I’ve gotten messages, questions really, in the three-and-a-half weeks since I started this blog. A good many were from married guys asking me how they could go about convincing their wives/girlfriends there’s nothing wrong about whacking off with a few buddies. It’s not an overnight process and it’ll take more than one post, so I hope you’ll bear with me.

OK guys – here’s the deal. Women just don’t “get it.” It’s widely known our propensity for masturbation is much more prolific than women’s - which is a damn shame if you ask me. I’m not sure they ever will fully understand the affinity we have for our cocks, but we need to try to explain it to them. It’s the only way to get where we want to go.

The first step is to get them to comprehend the male psyche and its connection to the penis. We are very attached to them. Three things define a man, in this order: His cock (without it we’re not male, but it truly goes beyond that), his profession and/or hobby, and his family.



Celebrate being a man. Be proud of it.



To understand why, one must realize males begin the relationship with their dicks long before they even know what a vagina is. It starts immediately after our little peckers form. Is that possible? You bet it is!

You know male fetuses have been seen in sonograms with full-blown erections (to get an adequate supply of blood oxygen to the growing tissue). But, did you know they’ve also been witnessed masturbating? Go ahead, do a Google search on “Fetal Masturbation,” I’ll wait… (Just a side note: Ladies, you do it too, so don’t go getting all “eeewww,” or “OMG” on us.) Okay? Now, unlike females and the clitoris, our love for our dicks continues after birth. As Wanda Sykes related in an interview last year: “I was changing the diaper on our two-month old son the other day. Typical male - he’s already grabbing for the pee-pee.”

 I think it’s also important to recognize, from hygiene and grooming to taking a whizz, from the moment we’ve begun potty training and bathing ourselves, we men must interact with our dicks dozens of times each day. Touching them, holding them, squeezing them, is commonplace and normal for us.

Step two is for women to accept whacking off as natural behavior. Get them to stop feeling “left out” or, (and I hate this one) feeling like “less than a desirable woman,” because we’re somewhere getting our nuts off without them. Women must be educated on why we do it.

Though the number one reason you’d get if you asked a guy would probably be: “We’re horny and there’s no other outlet available” and reasons two through ten might be: “We’re horny,” that’s oversimplification and stereotypical.

In no particular order, here’s a [partial] list of why men jerk off:

We’re nervous, tense, or keyed up over something.

We’re not able to concentrate on a task because our brains are wandering off in a million directions.

We’re feeling itchy, agitated; we need to do something physical.

We’re craving some time for ourselves.

We’re not in a mood to deal with someone else’s sexual gratification.

We’re in the shower, or relaxing in the tub, and get a hard-on.

We’re not able to get to sleep.

We’re bored.

We’re wanting to put a stop to wet dreams.

We’re preparing to last longer with a partner later on.

We’re edging in preparation for that ultimate, explosive ejaculation with a partner later on.

          Now the girls want to know what the hell that means, so forgive my sidetrack for a moment. There are various degrees of ejaculation, ladies, and the degree of satisfaction is in the formula: v(V), or volume times Velocity. The higher the volume of jizz and the greater the force with which it exits the better it feels.

We must make women clearly see it’s not always just about getting our rocks off.

The next step would be to define the difference between bonding and intimacy and how and when it begins. Perhaps that should become Part II.