Measure Up!

from our buddy at sjt2

So much conflicting information on exactly how a man measures his cock. The funniest part that has crept into our instructions is the Internet Measurement (also known as “AOL Size”); measure  and add two inches! AOL Size is for guys who’re trying to impress the reader/recipient, when really all they’re doing is fooling themselves because the proof is in the woodwork when they meet up IRL. So, here’s the real deal folks:

To measure the length, use a wooden ruler or a carpenter’s tape measure. Place it alongside your hard-on, placing little to no pressure toward the abdomen. Place an even-edged object against the very tip of the glans across to the ruler or tape. That delivers your length.

Why not along the topside? Because there is a pad of fat, at the base of the shaft, which protects the pubic bone from bruising during sexual intercourse. Guys say, “Well, yeah, but I can press back on the ruler...” Yes, you can. But that pad still takes a bit off the top. Why short yourself, even if it is only 1/32^nd of an inch?

Why not along the underside? Because you don’t really know where to stop, now do you? At the scrotum? But what if you have one of those “turkey-neck” sacs? And the underside of your dick has a tendency give you an increased, false length. Why falsify your stats to someone who’s asking for them.

Measuring along the side prevents both shorting yourself and adding inches you don’t really have.

Just for giggles. A friend of mine heard recently that a man in the southern U.S. has just come forward and been verified to have the largest erect dick on record: 14.5 inches long and 8 inches in girth. (Note: I couldn’t find any mention of it on the internet, so it could be the record 13.5/6.75 still stands) He claimed he’d “had no complaints from the ladies.” Not to sully the guy’s character, but perhaps those “ladies” were of the barn variety and could only moo or baa. Because the women I know say there is no way they’d agree to having that shoved into or down anything; they would’ve run from that monster with nary a thought to even offer a hand-job!

And the smallest human hard cock on record: .(point)39 inches.

Now don’t you feel better about yours?