Ask Pat

I may take some heat from the ladies over this one, but I hope not.

A faithful reader sent me a scanned copy from an advice column. The one from the mainstream press. You know the one I'm talking about. He indicated, that if I'd seen the column, I'd like to find a way to respond because he felt the advice columnist gave a pretty lame answer. Yep! He's right. I did see it, I did want to respond to it.

So, the gist of the question was this:

"My husband and I are in our early 30's and have been married for five years. He's bright, sweet, outgoing, and very good-looking. He's in excellent shape and works out at the gym daily. He's become friendly with a group of men who are all good-looking and in tip-top shape. They are also gay. One in particular has become quite close to my husband, often jokes about "recruiting" him and comments on his popularity with "the boys."
"My work requires a lot of travel. My husband has been frequenting Gay Bars with this new friend and gets hit on often. I know he enjoys the attention. He also seems considerably less interested in sex lately.
"I hate to think of my husband alone and lonely while I'm away, but his going to gay bars every night is beginning to worry me. If I say anything, he guilt-trips me about my travel.
"Is it normal for a straight man to seek out the company of gay men?"

The advice columnist responded:

"It is unusual for a straight man to frequent gay bars. But would you feel better if he was going to straight bars every night and getting hit on by women?
"Your greater concern, in my opinion, should be his change of pattern in behavior. If he's less interested in sex with you, then you need to find out why. I have always favored the direct approach. The person you should be discussing this with is your husband. When you do be frank, but not accusatory, and do not allow him to make you feel guilty about your business travel."

Well, now. First off, the letter sure seems like a hoax to me. But let's say, for argument's sake, it's real. The first thing I would've said was, "No person, man or woman, can be "recruited" into being gay." Having gay friends, going out for drinks with them, and having a good time should NOT be unusual. Sad that the columnist didn't say that!

If the guy seems less interested in sex with his wife, it may be he harbors some resentment over such frequent travel and long separations. He may be conjuring the gay bar scenarios just to make her jealous - to see how interested his wife is in him. I'd suggest she invite him to accompany her on the business trips once in a while. Sex in strange hotel rooms is high on the fantasy list for many men. He may surprise her and give her a roll in the hay she'd never forget!

It may be he's jerking off with his new-found buddy (or buddies). It may be he's shoving his cock through glory holes. It's more likely he's jacking off every day. None of these would be an indication he's become gay. It may indicate he's a young, healthy guy who is proclaiming he's learning to be self-sufficient. It indicates he's learning that he really is part of a brotherhood and sexual orientation has nothing to do with it.

Maybe it indicates he's learning to be more open and unashamed of the phsysiological functions of the male anatomy. Straight guys (for the most part) are ashamed to admit to their buddies they jack off - and if they do admit it - they won't admit to enjoying it. He may be learing it's okay to admit these things to his new-found brother(s) and perhaps he's learning from them how to enjoy those things more.

If he's getting to know his cock better, there's no doubt she'll benefit if she doesn't get all freaky about it and instead encourages him in his efforts and then shares in that knowledge.