"My husband doesn't last long enough for me to reach orgasm. I've tried to get him to cum by masturbating before we do any other kind of activity but he doesn't want to. He gets all red in the face and defensive. How can I gently convince him?"
Communication is always a good thing. You have to tell him. Maybe say, "I need more stimulation and watching you stroke and shoot helps me get there. We can do whatever you want after you cum once."
Jacking off is a great way for guys to learn control. As a group of my friends and I told a young, single man when he said he always went off like a missile the minute he thrust into his girlfriend, "You gotta stroke one out before you go. It helps lower the arousal level."
It would definitely help your husband learn to control his ejaculations. If you guide him along the way, you're involved in his jacking off and maybe he won't be so timid about it. Or embarrassed.
12 comments:
Great advice.
Hopefully, the husband will listen.
XOXO
The "edging" method is good. And it increases the pleasure.
But it remains to be known if it is he who is too fast or she who is too slow.
Hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.
Have a great day.
I think your advice is the best advice I feel.
And thank you Pat. You got me all worked up tonight looking at those gifs of the Asian guy jacking off. OMG!!!
You always have good advice.
Everything you suggested is good for the male, I bet there's also many things that the woman can do. What is so magical about always having an orgasm during intercourse? There certainly are a number of other ways for sure. hugs and bisous.
well given suggestions
@ Jean - You're right, of course. She could be more engaged in the process - though, from my experience, most women are more interested in the intimacy than the orgasm, are they not? Hugs and bisous!
I know this isn't an option for him but I used to jerk off with a friend. He told me that he had problems with the same thing. We worked on edging and taking his time. We never touched each other but just enjoyed drinking beer, watching porn and jerking while our wives and kids were away. He needs to learn to take his time OR jerk off before like his wife suggested. I don't know how old he is but I'm 57 and I can get ready to go again in 10 minutes. I think they should try some mutual masturbation and she could get him to cum on her and make it fun. Then he can go again. The other option is to let him get off and then go again until she has an orgasm. Someone else commented about why is it a big deal that she has an orgasm. I love sex but I am not a happy camper without an orgasm. I need it to feel good after sex. I think she probably does too.
"My husband doesn't last long enough for me to reach orgasm"
Putting the blame on the man, making it his performance issue and thus resulting in him being defensive, when it is her problem in achieving her orgasm.
The reality is that the woman needs more stimulation than the husband can normally provide.
One way around this is to ensure the woman has an orgasm first by other means and then the man to take his pleasure afterwards, for as long as that takes. Since women can have multiple orgasms, doing it this way may mean she can have another orgasm when the man has his and still gets that intimate contact she wants.
The ten commandments didn't say a woman's orgasm has to be provided by a penis only: a dildo can also be used for as long as is necessary for her enjoyment. It's a nice ideal to have completely natural sex and simultaneous orgasms, but the world is not an ideal place in reality and being pedantic is a recipe for unhappiness.
It's also possible for a man to learn greater control so he can last longer, but I think this still puts the responsibility on the man to compensate for what is a woman's problem in achieving her own orgasms: she can ask her man to help her with her problem, but it is her problem and not his.
Once a man ejaculates, it usually takes him a while to get hard again, varying with age, so it's not always productive for him to ejaculate first unless he uses other methods to help her achieve orgasm afterwards than an erect penis.
Women, please stop trying to solve your problems by tinkering with men when you aren't a man and don't know what you are doing. Determine what you need generically to satisfy yourself and then discuss with your man how best to implement it for a win for both of you.
@ Anon - There's the key point in your final paragraph: Discuss. Communication helps solve a lot of issues in the bedroom.
Praise him like the dog he is... make it all part of the fun. As long as everybody gets what they came for (eventually) - it's all good. Follow thru is very important, though. Just because your finished eating your meal doesn't mean you get to leave the table!
@ Upton - LOL. I love that last sentence.
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