Fathers and sons getting more comfortable with one another's natural sexual function.
"A few recent posts inspired me to write with my own experience. Since our son turned 12 my wife has refused to go wake him in the morning because she says she doesn't want to embarrass him. The job falls to me which is no big deal. Usually I'm dressed and ready for work but one morning I overslept and ran into my sons room. That evening he looked at me with this odd smile. When I asked him about it he told me he saw my dick and thought it was great that I didn't try to hide it. Thinking it a perfect opening for a talk I broached the subject of erections and masturbation. Imagine my surprise when he told me he saw me doing it. More than once. So much for being careful but I think maybe it's a good thing. We had a great talk. Do you think either one of us needs to hide the activity anymore?"
What do I think? It think it's fantastic that you didn't get all flustered and deny it.
Once we're honest with our sons, life becomes so much easier. Or it should. You've put your son on a very good path to self-acceptance. Body positivity is very important for young men and that includes not being ashamed of their genitals or the normal functioning. Keep the communication channels open. When he becomes sexually involved with a partner he'll know he can come to you without fear of reprisal.
You've put him on a path of health. Boners are good. Boners are healthy. Masturbation is good. Ejaculations are healthy.
Should you hide when you jack off? I'd say no. But, I'd also suggest you ask your son that question.
18 comments:
If trust and reciprocal openness did not exist between a father and his son, I wonder where they will find their place.
Hugs and bisous, my darlings chéris Jean and Pat.
You always have the best advice.
That's great that he could be that comfortable with his son.
Parents need to promote a healthy approach to sex in their children. Otherwise, they're failing as parents.
XOXO
My father never talked to me about sex or cock issues. I learned it from a friend and my half nephew about these things when we fooled around. the first older father figure that really talked to me about stuff was my dad's good friend, and my friend's father. We also did more than talk a few times. I learned a lot from our affair. My father would have rolled in his grave had he known.
Yeah, father/son bonding. Cool. But, are there limits? Being naked in front of each other? Being naked together? Discussing jacking off? JO together? Is the son's age a factor? Etc.
Now that the ice has been broken, I'd suggest neither father nor son needs to hide what they enjoy doing!!
And if they advance to the point of watching each other, I think it would be great that they're at the point of trusting each other with something so personal.
--PaulMmn
bingo. Good advice, ask the son how he feels. And maybe take it another step forward, and father talks to mother. Hopefully they have good communications too. She may surprise father and son and say she's already seen both of them! Hugs and bisous.
Boundaries are really important. So is privacy. So is consent and a person being of age. Sorry... this sounds so Penthouse Forum to me. And I do hope that's the case... just a fantasy. Because it strikes me as ALL KINDS OF WRONG. And... that's my two cents worth. :)
I think that it is great that they were able to have an open conversation about the topic of masterbation. It will be the start to his son being able to come to him to talk about other sexual matters.
While I am not sure if I would say that they should masterbate together, I think being nude in front of each other (even if one gets hard) will add to his son being more confident in his changing body. Maybe I am a prude (usually I am not!), but I think that masterbation together may be too much for his son to deal with.
this boy will grow with greater awareness and, above all, more serene
I already told my story about my Dad and I pulling our cocks together. I think it's great. I felt closer to him for it, and was never ashamed of myself around him. I encourage father's to teach boys that getting hard and pumping off are healthy and natural.
I already told my story about masturbating with my Dad, so I won't repeat it. I'll just encourage all those Dads out there to be honest, unashamed, and open with your son's. Tell them the male body is nothing to be embarrassed about, and that jacking is natural and pleasurable.
This was my question. I think it might need clarification. Guys, I didn't intend to intimate I wanted to masturbate with my son. I just wanted to know if we had to hide the fact we're doing it from each other.
I think one thing can lead to the other even if unintentional. I never considered doing this in front of my son but wouldn't have been really embarrassed if he caught me. I saw him more than once by accident but never mentioned it. I wish I had been more open about it verbally but we have never hidden from it. We just didn't bring it up. I'm intrigued by conversations about brothers in this same situation but in both situations with father / son and brothers I think the conversation needs to be had about age of consent and appropriateness. A friends Dad and he started jerking off together when my friend was in college and his parents divorced. They were j/o buddies for years even when they were in relationships. I thought it was a little odd but also very hot. Hugs!
@ Billy - The brothers thing is awfully common. Especially with twins. The elder brother ends up teaching the younger, that one teaches the next, and so on down the line. My brother taught me. My cousin taught his younger brother. It just seems a natural kind of thing. I remember one of our buddies said he and his dad used to jack off together all the time.
@ Mistress Maddie - why is it considered more shocking when a young man explores sex with his own Dad compared to another "Dad"? I would have thought the love of a Dad for his son would limit any potential taking advantage of the power dynamic compared to strangers who do not have a bond of love.
Did you find your affairs abused or damaged your natural development?
@ Anonymous - you weren't successfully hiding it from your son in any case, so it's kind of a moot question unless you were talking about your son hiding his masturbation from you.
I hope the talk made it clear you weren't ashamed about masturbating and that it largely remains private so as not to disturb other people or them you, not out of shame and that your son shouldn't be ashamed of masturbating in private or accidentally being observed.
I also hope the talk encouraged him to come to you with any question or curiosity as nothing should be off-limits or shameful to discussion.
Young men are trying to develop identity and being able to identify with their Dad or some other adult male would have to be a huge step in the right direction. What better way for a boy to learn what it is like being a man than to see it displayed by his Dad, without shame and explained as the natural thing it is. I would also think a Dad would be interested in following his sons natural development and not leaving anything to chance.
Why would you need to hide the fact that you are both doing something completely natural, from each other? It's a shared experience and perfect for developing identification and a greater bond between Dad and son.
The question you should be asking yourself is how do you handle interest from your son in going further in developing that bond and education? What if he asks whether you can share the masturbation experience together, individually, or mutually, or even to go further in male sexual expression?
I think society underestimates the sexual interest of boys and denies them open exploration with an experienced person and leaves them with furtive exploration with peers who know as little as they do, or worse, with older people interested in taking advantage, along with the development of shame. 12 years old is very young in comparison to age of consent, yet already the sexual interest is stirring. The fact he accidentally saw you masturbating would not be the start of sexual enquiry, simply raising new questions and maybe much of it held back by shame.
Whilst it is important to ensure boys aren't abused by an authority power dynamic coercing them to do something they don't want to do or understand until it is too late, I think it is equally important to allow boys to explore in a safe environment where they will receive the information they want, from their own initiation, and where they will not be shamed for doing so. Many of them will probably do it anyway, because of their curiosity, with people who do not have their interests at heart.
Not every boy will be heterosexual either, so their interests will naturally tend towards the nearest available male in their environment. Even hetero boys may want to experiment with orientation.
@ Billygfa - isn't not bringing something up equivalent to hiding from it?
Society has simply whacked an arbitrary age of consent on all children whilst ignoring that most will ignore it anyway in pursuit of information, especially since they often start their sexual inquiry early, but are shamed for it. There needs to be flexibility to allow children their curiosity whilst protecting them from abuse. It's society that needs to review age of consent and appropriateness and have detailed discussion: we aren't in the Victorian era any longer.
Similarly, there needs to be a discussion about homosexual fantasy and where it may be allowed to become reality for educational purposes to prepare the young, but always under initiation from the younger not older, due to the power imbalance. We have to be careful that we don't simply use the young for our own gratification: I know it's tempting to some. As we have seen though, fantasy has been reality for some, which means it isn't a fantasy that is not to be realised.
I think we also have to remember that this is largely about learning about the fundamentals of sexual expression, not love and relationships.
Post a Comment