"My best girlfriend married my husband's brother. She came back from the honeymoon completely devastated because she saw him jerking off in the shower every morning and thinks its because she didn't "do it for him." She said yes he would come when they had sex but it still upset her. How do I get her to understand it has nothing to do with her?"
I'd say, first off, your brother-in-law needs to be the one to convince her of that. But you can also have your husband talk to his brother and make sure he does so.
Beyond that, take her to lunch and show her this post. Or, at least show her the memes.
Because guys jack off. It's a fact of life. And it has absolutely zero to do with relationship status.
Furthermore...
If someone did a survey of married men, I'd be willing to bet that the bathroom is the most common place they jack off.
Essentially, it's in an effort to keep their wives from knowing --- specifically to avoid the kind of emotions your girlfriend is exhibiting.
What makes the tub or shower preferable is the easy cleanup.
13 comments:
Oh yes.
I made the same mistake her friend made. Many years ago. And I'm a man. Oh, the thing is that guys do like to cum. And they'll do it alone and/or accompanied.
XOXO
The outlook on masturbation is shaped a lot by religious upbringing. Being taught touching yourself is bad. The husband is touching himself so it must be bad. Religion hands off my sexual expression.
Does your correspondent have first-hand (!) knowledge that men (ie her husband) jerk off? Can she convince her girlfriend (from personal knowledge) that even if the men jerk off, they still have "enough" left over for the women in their lives?
--PaulMmn
Most of the married guys I know will quietly admit to jerking it in the shower or during alone time. I think it's a misconception to expect one partner to meet all our personal sexual needs. There's relationship sex which is wonderful, but sometimes men need additional outlets for sexual expression. And masturbration allows us full control of our own pleasure. It would be better if we were more open about this, which could help avoid false expectations that couple sex must suddenly become everything. Self-pleasure is totally normal and very common.
Your reader could have asked you directly for masturbation photos, it would have been a time saver.
Hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.
Yep!
You might even point out to her that him cumming in the shower could be to her advantage, because when they have sex later on he is likely to last longer give her more satisfaction.
I will never understand why this is taken so serious all the time. Guys are guys...and have and always will masturbate...a lot.
Because no one explains this to women.
Also, it's because females just simply don't masturbate as much, so it's hard to understand why you would do this every day in the shower.
Her husband would be smart to explain this patiently in a way she will understand. Trust me, she's going to have to do some explaining to him at times too Women are from Venus and men are from Mars.
Good luck with that. Hugs and bisous.
It's not that the new wife doesn't do it for her husband, but she doesn't do it enough to satisfy his needs. Would she prefer him to pester her for the extra sex he needs? He's actually being considerate by masturbating instead.
Perhaps she didn't realise the level of his needs and maybe she has greater needs than she felt comfortable mentioning, which is why she is upset now: missing out on more sex she could have had that she didn't know he needed. With this new information, if she suggested sex more often I'm sure he would swap some masturbation for sex with her, but its something they should discuss to see what works for both their needs.
Talking about sex needs before marriage is a great idea to ensure you don't have a relationship that is less than fulfilling for either side, leading to frustration.
People's sex needs vary even within same sex groupings, even if mens sex needs weren't greater than women's, so its not reasonable to expect sex needs would be perfectly synchronised in marriage all the time and there would need to be alternatives to achieve balance.
From the tone of the post, it sounds like the wife didn't raise it with the husband to get his reasons, but went to another woman to see if it was okay, who is asking on this blog because she doesn't know. Talk about the blind leading the blind. But really, the best source of information is the horses mouth, although I'm glad they reached out to the blog.
@ JeanWM - I'm amazed that some people think others are simply an extension of themselves and not completely independent beings with their own possibly different needs.
I'm not convinced men can explain things to women in a way they will understand: I still fail to grasp the essence of "it's not about the nail" because it is so alien to my male perspective.
Shower yes, tub, never. I don't need to stew in my own brew. As for jerking first thing in the morning... it's the wood, dear. And she should be grateful he's not poking at her before she's fully awake!
@ Upton - You're right - I should have mentioned morning wood as the likely culprit.
was/is she jealous?
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