"Please help! A true dilemma on my hands. We went to aclub with another couple and because he doesn't dance I danced with her. I got one of those spontaneous boners you've talked about maybe from my dick rubbing against material? She mustve thought it was her because every time I tried to back away she pulled closer. Then she actually put her hand on it and rubbed. After I had to go to t he men's room and clean up. I don't want to do anything with this couple again but don't know what excuse to tell my wife why because her and her girlfriend are close friends. How do I get out of this without being the bad guy?"
Oh, my.... That was an awkward boner if there ever was one! And you "creamed your jeans," as we used to say, on top of it? Instead of pulling away, the better move would have been to excuse yourself before it went that far. Like, to the men's room as soon as the boner popped up. Not necessarily to stroke one out but to allow it to dissipate. What do you do now? Good question.
I'm not sure you want to tell your wife that her bestie gave you a hand job on the dancefloor. But, how well do you know this woman? Is she the type who will tell your wife that you were grinding against her?
If so, you need to take the bull by the horns and explain spontaneous boners and ejaculations to your wife before that happens.
15 comments:
It sounds like it was consensual - both parties knew WTF they were doing and getting into. His correct response was to back away and excuse himself, but as the saying goes, dogs will be dogs, and now he's stuck with an awkward relationship with is bro.
What a conundrum!
If I was him I wouldn't mention anything to the wife. I would have a one-off private conversation with the friend and explain just what happened. In my mind it's not like anything dirty happened anyway. I mean it's not like they were in bed having sex after all.Then I would cool things down with that couple.
Next time, the moment it happens, say you have to set down. In two or three times she should get the message. Another option is to tell your wife you miss dancing with he and only her.
It sounds to me like he is overthinking this. I would never mention to this woman or my wife. If the woman ever brings it up, I would say that I'm sorry and that it was a spontaneous physical reaction and she is very attractive but that I love my wife and I hope that she understands. If he does want to tell his wife, then he takes a chance that its going to go sideways and she will be angry at just him. I would not want to risk the anger towards me and her friend over something that happened possibly while drinking and enjoying an evening out.
As mentioned in the email this was just a spontaneous boner. Nothing more, and certainly nothing worth making a fuss about.
Version #1: (lengthy one - in a hurry? skip to #2 at the bottom)
I can think of several occasions it happened "out of context", wether with a woman or a man. If the other one mentioned it, even with simply raising an eyebrow, I always went with something like "sorry, just the ginger beer/pepperoni sauce acting out..." or worse "I was just thinking of my last one I dated/my companion" - anything that would turn the other on off.
On the occasion you describe, and knowing that woman is your wife's best friend, it could have been "sorry, I love her so much I can't help but thinking about her".
But I understand such repartees don't come easy to some.
Anyway, best you soon innocently slip in a conversation with your wife "remember the other night when I had to dance (bored puppy look) with your friend? I was thinking of you and got a hard on (your tone has to be totally natural). Ain't that funny? (totally childish smile, here)"
Because that's the crucial point of your couple: being the man, you necessarily are the dumb and inconsequent one. Wich means that, whatever your wife's friend ever comes up with, you'd better prepare the ground so that whatever insidious seed she may want to saw never grows.
======================================
Version #2 - No brainer:
"I had a hard on? And so what? Happens every now and then and you never complained." (then go on with whatever thing of yours)
Ya, some women are cruel. I bet she thot it was funny that she made you jizz your pants. I dated a women once who did that and thot it was hilarious. I dumped her like yesterday's trash. Like Mistress Maddie said I would avoid that couple.
I was thinking let sleeping dogs lie, until I read on to find out what the “friend“ did to make matters even worse.
This woman is not a friend by any stretch, what would he think if his own wife did that to her friend’s husband?
He should try to separate them from this other couple‘s; there’s no excuse for her bad behavior. She should be the one who should come to him and apologize.
Also I sympathize with the guy, people sometimes just can’t think in the middle of what is happening to them until afterwards. Hugs and bisous.
I think I agree with the people who said it's not worth mentioning.
And if he doesn't want to hang out again, just be upfront with that: we don't really vibe with everybody I know.
The wife can still be friends with them or the woman.
XOXO
This reader was somehow raped by the best friend of his wife. He only has that to say to justify himself.
It is better for him to take the lead and inform his wife before she finds out from another source. Fault confessed, half forgiven
Hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.
Have a wondrous day.
The other woman may have been under the misapprehension that the spontaneous boner was actually an indication of the guys feelings towards her and was thus emboldened to go further. It's also possible that the other couple don't share more than just dancing and so the gal was predisposed to be looking for attention.
I don't think it is a good thing to simply ignore the event, especially if the other woman genuinely believed the OP was giving her the come on, in which case she may feel angry she was misled, however unintentionally, and make mischief over it.
Playing it as an unfortunate misunderstanding but making it clear to all parties that is what it was, could be the best approach. It may be worthwhile telling the wife and spinning it along the lines of an unfortunate misunderstanding combined with possibly issues in the other couple's relationship which made the other woman particularly vulnerable, but you are guessing; however it would also be simultaneously useful to explain the misunderstanding to the other woman too. Basically spinning it as no-one's fault and an unfortunate coincidence of circumstance and spontaneous automatic response.
If the other couple are having relationship difficulties, it may bring the other woman and the OP's wife closer together. Everyone learns something and has a chance to grow.
@ MFP - You know, you're correct. It was a form of rape and that makes it even more egregious. Hugs and bisous.
I'm in the "overthinking it" camp. Rape? No way. Sounds to me like the woman was toying with him, knowing he had a boner. It probably turned her on, too. It's unlikely she knew about the ejaculation unless the guy was physically obvious about it. I think it's unlikely she'll say anything to her friend. Let it go, but if the subject comes up, speak confidently about the natural reaction that occurred.
I'm SURE she told you to your wife
Sounds like it's time for new friends...
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