I received an email from Ian, a faithful reader of this blog, asking if men's lives were over due to repressed sexual situations forced on them by new societal attitudes of feminism. While that's a very complicated issue - well, all sexual relationships can be complicated - it brought to mind a cry for help I got several months ago from a young man.
I've debated as to whether to post about it, but I think maybe I should; but without going into gory details - and they are gory.
This young guy went to a bar, hooked up with two girls who invited him to their hotel room. Once there, they tied him up. His initial reaction was, "Okay, a little kink might be fun." Then they repeatedly anally raped him with the end of a pool cue until he passed out. When he regained consciousness, he was covered in semen --- untied, and his clothes neatly folded on a chair with a note thanking him for a good time. Two weeks later he was convinced to file a report but he said he could tell the police didn't believe him, and, until it happened to him, he wouldn't have believed a guy's claims of rape, either.
I urged him to first get a complete physical exam - if he didn't do so after the rape - to ensure he wasn't damaged in any way.
Then I doubly urged him to see a Sex Therapist. His current situation is not good for him either mentally or physically. A Sex Therapist should be able to guide him back, little by little.
9 comments:
What a story! I hope that guy took your advice.
When something like this happens I think it's very hard to recover for very many people male or female. And I think it's very common for men to get raped by other men or even women but we just don't hear about it because of the whole masculine thing. I can't imagine many guys would even admit to it . And many guys get confused why when they're raped they get hard but as you say it's the body's natural way of doing things I think your advice on slowly engine rating any sexual contact back into his life is really the best way to go.
Have a good weekend Pat and to your readers!
This is heart-breaking. No one should be used, man or woman. Having dealt with a predatory older sibling, I can attest to the wondrous help a competent therapist can provide and I truly hope he finds his way to one.
This is truly heart-breaking. No one, man or woman, should ever have to deal with something like this. I can attest from personal experience with a predatory older sibling that seeking the guidance of a competent therapist can help. I hope this young man finds his way back.
Arousal, erection, pleasure responses, etc are automatic responses to stimuli and not particularly under reasoned control: we might reason for them to not be there, but they happen anyway and we are not responsible.
Like anyone subjected to things without their consent, that young man had a traumatic experience that will have impacted on him in many hidden ways and will take time and professional assistance to heal.
They tell women that even if they enjoyed a non-consensual sexual experience, it is still technically rape because of the lack of consent and the same principle should also apply to men.
Even if he had not been anally raped, he was still likely raped through engulfment without consent, however rape is usually defined as penetration only because it is still a gynocentric perceived situation and so engulfment is not considered a criteria and lower standard of justice applied, if at all. Human beings have a long way to go in achieving true justice and not justice favouring certain groups and dismissing the impact on others.
Many men feel their lives are over today because they are not accorded the same rights as women and women are being advantaged: not only in a judicial sense as above, but also in education with quotas based on gender and not ability; and particularly in womens unfettered selectivity over sex with men without regard to it depriving men of an opportunity to fully express their sexuality, have relationships and create a family, which will eventually impact on societal stability and women as well.
Men are so conditioned to sex and family bundled up into a neat package with a bow and concentrated into a single woman as a solution to their life's course, they are devastated when women reject them, because women are rejecting mens lives along with sex, leaving them with nothing.
In reality, men are not left with no future, it just seems that way because they have only been conditioned to a single path in life that serves society and women more than it does men themself, so when it is rejected it appears the sky has fallen.
This is why I advocate for men to deconstruct their anticipated lives into fundamental needs and pursue those components separately as they will be much easier to achieve than concentrating everything into one woman who has the right to be unreasonably selective without regard to the consequences. You may not get everything you want, but you were never guaranteed that with one woman anyway. Only the life that society had planned for you without your informed consent is over, there are still plenty of opportunities for a different life that will still meet many of your fundamental needs.
We are men, we reason the future and make it happen.
Many men invest their entire pleasure response on the erect penis, when that is only one possible avenue of sexual fulfilment and normally doesn't allow multiple orgasms.
I think part of the recovery for this young man will be to explore other avenues of pleasure and to eventually realise that they can be taken back under his control and not just that of someone else: the vehicle operates largely automatically no matter who is behind the steering wheel.
I think you gave very good advice to the young man. Hope he listened to the advice. One should never, never, ever, go into a bondage scene unless you fully trust your partner and have also established a safe word. We have and use a safe word when playing.
Hmm probably the answe is no.
What happened to the guy in the story is most likely rape. Non consensual sexual relationships are rape.
XoXo
what story! Hope he's better now!
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