From the Mail Bag:
"I started poking around your blog about a month ago to learn as much as I could about guys and their penis'. You have tons of info about guys masturbating and my husband does all the time. And you have a bunch of posts here about how size does or doesn't matter but nothing to help us. But I sure hope you can help. We were both virgins when we married. I'd never even seen him naked before our wedding four months ago. My husband's penis is too much for me especially when he reached orgasm. He thrust and slammed into the back of my vagina. It may have felt good to him but it hurt like hell and he wasn't even all the way in. I won't let him in me because of it and we're both getting frustrated. Him especially because he says even though he enjoys the hand and oral and sliding between my breasts or cheeks it isn't really satisfying. What can we do?"
You both have my sympathy. I certainly understand his frustration. When a man ejaculates the natural inclination is for his hips to automatically thrust forward.
This is nature's way of ensuring the sperm is deposited as deeply as possible. When that's the case, an unusually large cock can be a problem.
I commend you for continuing to engage in other activity. To seek information to make intercourse possible is more than commendable.
My suggestion is that you take the superior (top) position. This will allow you to control the depth of penetration, particularly if you can have him lie still while you take care of the movement. It may take a few attempts for you to learn to judge your position relative to the length of his cock. The higher along his torso you lie, the more shallow the penetration will be.
When he's about to cum you'll have to be careful. The closer we get to ejaculation the harder and faster we tend to thrust. He'll be pushing to get "balls deep" and that can't happen without causing you pain - or even physical damage to the cervix, which is what he slammed against on your wedding night.
As for him to realize the sensation of being thoroughly satisfied, the feeling of being buried to the very base of his shaft when he cums, well...I can only suggest that he pull out. Perhaps if he's in such a position to allow the head to rub along your abdomen while he thrusts through his (or your) hands to finish it might leave him feeling at least a little better.
Perhaps my readers have some insight - particularly the women who read.
Or maybe some of my gay readers who have had to deal with large-cocked partners.
12 comments:
Honey, it's like the old line of "How to I get to Carnegie Hall?"
"Practice!"
Indeed! Practice; take it slow. Perhaps invest in some slender vibrators, or ask your husband to use his fingers or tongue to gradually open you up. [At one time in my life] I was engaged to a woman, and we had sex; a LOT of it once we got rolling! It was SLOW at first, very very slow. I enjoyed performing oral on her and she enjoyed the tonguing (she was also immaculately clean) and my fingers. I gradually worked up to using my penis, and we found that a well-lubed condom worked great to get into her.
When she finally offered to reciprocate and I tasted my cock on her lips afterwards, well... that kinda was my trigger mechanism. I new I needed more (but didn't quite know more of WHAT ;) ). I never looked back!
probably shes' not so so much lubrificated and sexually excited!
Try and try again, but not as a job but as a play
I think you gave very good advice. As a gay guy, I love big cocks....but when it comes time to bottom, if I choose, I make sure my partner is going to stuff me like a turkey!!! I dont generally like bottoming, but I do like to satisfy my partner. Have a meeting ground how deep I say.
Have a great weekend all!!!
GWM reader here: I have an embarrassingly low understanding of female anatomy, but when I have to take dick it's all about me being in control. Being on top, as suggested, means the penetrated partner is able to control depth, speed, etc. If your penetrating partner is into it, it's also a good time to play with restraints or power dynamics, teasing them with depth, duration, or frequency of penetration.
Depending on comfort levels, some partners may want to consider anal vs. vaginal penetration. I'm fairly clueless on the level of pleasure this actually provides for folks who don't have prostates, but it's a potential option if you absolutely want to have penetrative sex. In this case remember that the penetrated partner still needs to remain in control. It'll also take time to warm up and stretch the anus -- and for god's sake use lots of body safe lube!
I’m no expert, but since you are both virgins, isn’t it also a matter of growing and stretching with time?
My best advice is, at least at first, let her be in complete control.
I think your thoughts of her being on top to control the deepness was good advice. As a gay man, I would think that would be what two men would need to do if one was exceptionally large.
I remember my first time with another guy. He was well endowed and more experienced than I. He was patient, and slow and careful. That made the experience very special and memorable, I'll never forget him. So be patient with each other, take your time, explore each other's bodies, touch one another erotically. Just don't rush it. You have your entire lives to make beautiful love with each other, and hopefully reap the benefits of a beautiful family!!!
Comments from a gay receptive partner:
Long cocks can hit up against structures or bends not designed to take thrusting. In anal sex it's possible to find positions that reduce the possible depth of penetration leaving the business end of the penis satisfied. I'm sure there are options of this sort for penis/vagina sex - probably involving buttocks as a depth limiting body part. Joy of gay sex books would be able to help you find some positions to try.
Your advice about her being on top is spot on. Being on top lets you be in control. Both of them are inexperienced. Lots of lube and lots of foreplay would also be advised. And for heaven's sake R E L A X. Some people take longer to get "warmed up" but when they are it is bloody magic. These two simply need to learn what they both like in bed. It is possible to please your lover and please yourself.
Practice and changing position, especially woman on top, may all help. Vaginal dilators may also help.
However, my advice would also be to see a gynaecologist as there may be a medical reason for this and it should at least be investigated if only to rule out. It sounds like this could be dyspareunia which can have different causes and could eventually lead to vaginismus from the fear of penetration. It could be fibroids in the uterus or she could have a short vagina causing him to hit the cervix. It’s definitely something they should confront together and above all, be patient with each other, and until they know more, have as much fun as possible with alternatives to deep penetration.
try wrapping your hands around his base whist he's thrusting, or use a masturbation sleeve which limits penetration. mabybe allow him in, then close your legs? that automatically limits depth.... you will probably both get to a level of comfort with practice. as others have said, patience, sensitivity and understanding are key!
Love & Light
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