That one friend. That one close friend. The one you can spill your guts to, who will listen without judgment and offer solace instead of advice. Those are important to us. For me, for the most part, anyway, it is my wife. I surely am grateful for that, and it's probably as it should be with a spouse. But, we still need same-gender friendships like that.
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Makes sense - I was always more comfortable around girls/women than I have ever been with men. But I have had two non-sexual male relationships; one in high school and we are still in contact; one in the military who, for some reason though we live 3-1/3 miles apart, decided 15 years ago (around my 50th birthday) to stop communicating. No explanation - no return calls; nothing.
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But friendships are important for all of us. Though we are aware of this, we still can't seem to put the brakes on ridicule, the salacious commentary where none is deserved. As Jean pointed out, even some women - Oprah and Gayle, Michelle Obama and Valerie Jarrett - have to deal with this type of speculation; though not nearly as much as men.
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We need the person we can be comfortable with. Talk with, laugh with, and cry with.
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I wish I had an answer.
Any suggestions?
7 comments:
Nothing I can offer; just work at it a little and hope for the best.
any question, when you say
"we live 3-1/3 miles apart, decided 15 years ago (around my 50th birthday) to stop communicating"
I asked myself and I'm asking you now: really WAY?
A deep personal friendship is a wonderful thing. I was very fortunate to have that for 25 years. There was a lot of kindness ( call it "love" if you like), support and understanding. Since his death, 10 years ago, there really has been no one to take his place. If you have such a friend, realise just how fortunate you are.
It may well be that feeling understood is a prerequisite for our other desires to be satisfyingly fulfilled.
The difference between needing, wanting and loving somebody... An eternal debate.
I think that we need by feeling the need to obtain what we need, that we want by feeling the need to obtain what we want, and on the contrary that we can love without feeling the need to obtain anything.
Somebody is important for us because we need to be important for somebody, and in a second step our friends are important for us because we need to be important for our friends.
Love, hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.
@ Xersex - Yep. He's never told me why. All I can do is accept it. "Some people come into your life for a reason; some people come into your life for a season."
My best friend Blake are very close. The picture of one friend cutting the others hair is exactly what we do. So was the one that showed one guy dickslapping the other. We jerked off together once. We also give each other massages that cover a lot of ground, so to speak, but neither of us is sexually or romantically interested in the other. We see it as male bonding. Its an important part of being pals. - Chris
This is wisdom. Not how to get laid -- any body can do that -- but as you say, "We need the person we can be comfortable with. Talk with, laugh with, and cry with." That's what lasts.
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