Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Changing Mindset

And, yet another one.

"New semester, new dorm mate. The routine never varies. He drops his clothes, lays on his bed, watches porn on his tablet, and jacks off. Every night. I'm not complaining because I watch. I can't help myself. My dick gets hard as a rock but I don't dare stroke along.
I was raised in a very conservative atmosphere. No talk of sex, no discussions about masturbation. It was done in secret. I'm sure everyone knew what took me so long in the bathroom but it was never talked about.
My problem is that I'm envious that this guy can just do this so out in the open. I want to be like him. It would be so great to lay there every night like that instead of jerking off in the shower all the time. How do I change my mindset?

I'm assuming your real problem is that you don't want him to see you stroking your boner. Ask him sometime - openly talk about masturbation and ask him how he became so open with it. In small steps, I would think, you might be able to get comfortable. Maybe, with your hand barely moving, play with your cock under the covers. If you have a towel down, you could roll to your side when you cum. You might even lie on your side for the entire thing.
Each night, you might get a little more brazen. Maybe he notices your hard-on. Then, the next night, he notices you touching your cock. The next, he can see you deliberately playing and stroking. Keep going forward in steps until you're able to remove the covers.

Can you help him out with some suggestions?


Xersex said...

gruadally he could change his mentality!

Patrick said...

Perhaps his room mate is just waiting for him to join in. Why be shy about an erect cock! All healthy young men should get one. Does he wear pyjamas? Get rid of them! Feel normal nude! Maybe the other guy is just waiting for him to join in! Best rain here in ages! Floods in some areas of the region! See my doctor tomorrow about last week's tests. Best visits ever in one day 700+!!!!!

Fullmoonma said...

Brings back memories of jacking with my freshman roommate (on opposite sides of the room) a few times. Eventually it was too "gay" for him and we stopped doing it, although after experience with women he returned to the gay fold, but too late for me to exercise my desires. He had such a pretty penis!

I agree with your advice to your correspondent - a mix of daring to do the forbidden and talking about it with his roommate could make a huge difference in his life.

A French Patrick said...

A very conservative atmosphere? Yuk! That makes me think about food conserved in vacuum tins.

Does the word "conservative" mean unable to change, unable to evolve, unable to progress? A kind of mummification?

He has to change by himself, and if he has not the strength and the courage necessary, we can nothing for him. But I think that he can if he really want it. We cannot want it for him.

Love, hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.

T said...

Get comfortable with yourself before getting comfortable with someone else.

The conservatism thing; no. Its an easy cop-out as you can blame it for everything but the reality is its not the real issue. The issue is with yourself. Yourself is more important than someone else.

If the goal is to be more like that other person just start doing what that other person does. When they are not around. If your always doing it in the shower try it on the bed out in the open. At some point you will get comfortable in being naked in front of someone else.

taotrojan said...

Cool post bro. So true.

that one guy said...

@French Patrick: yes, often "conservative" does mean mummified, ossified, unable to change or evolve. Some wit (G.B. Shaw perhaps) defined a conservative as "someone who thinks that nothing should ever be done for the first time."

Letter Writer, listen to @T - yes. There's a point at which you must take responsibility for what you are. You need to look at how you were raised, and decide what parts of your upbringing are good for you and what parts aren't. Being so uptight about masturbation is probably something you (and most guys) could do without.

(An example from my own life: my dad taught us that if you ever need to ask for help, it's because you are stupid and weak. I didn't realize how pernicious and deeply-rooted this was until I was a physical therapy student and tried to transfer a 300-pound paralysis patient from her wheelchair back to bed all by myself, and nearly ended up injuring her and myself. My mentor asked me "why didn't you ask for help?" and I didn't have a good answer except that I thought I should be able to do it myself... So I made a conscious decision to throw that part of my upbringing away. After that I started noticing how many people I respected asked for help all the time, and had been doing so for years, and it never diminished my respect for them.)

Here's a way of thinking about this that might help: by jacking off in plain sight, your roommate is sending you a very clear signal that this kind of behavior is OK with him. Boners are contagious! It doesn't have to be any more complicated or weird than wanting to yawn when you see someone else yawning, or wanting to eat when you see someone else eating.

whkattk said...

@ that one guy - Your final paragraph makes the perfect point. I hope he gains the courage to do as you suggest - just throw away the part of his upbringing that keeps him so contained.

A French Patrick said...

@ that one guyit is what he thought
I don't know if this quote is from George Bernard Shaw, but I know that it is what he thought.
He said: "If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance." — From Immaturity
And also: "Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything." — via The Quintessence of G.B.S.: The Wit and Wisdom of Bernard Shaw

Anonymous said...

The comments you've already left are the best-- start by talking about it. It seems clear that he won't have a problem with you doing it-- just don't start with the assumption that he is in any way interested in making it a joint venture or a matter of teamwork. He more than likely is a healthy het guy who is very comfortable in his own skin.

Anonymous said...

Regarding a conservative environment, it depends on what you're conserving. I grew up with, my parents really were very gay-positive, but you'd better not get a girl pregnant, "love em and leave em", or being home a hooked. They also thought all the women in porn were trafficked. (I always joked, if my parents caught me with porn, it had better be gay porn.)

Unsurprisingly, my major sexual outlet in high school, after masturbating alone, was masturbating with friends, with sex with women really being a distant third well into college.

Yeah, take your time. It seems he'd be cool with you jerking off in front of him.