I'm in the locker area showering in the gang shower. I'm facing the shower wall, leaning with an outstretched arm and a hand pressing against the tile, jerking off with the other hand. I hear another shower turn on but didn't think anything of it. The guys here have always been understanding about this kind of thing - it's not a big deal. Some will stroke at night in their bunks. We're guys so we get it. Anyway I shot my load, rinsed down the wall and go to finish my shower and discover she's the one in there with me. I was so shocked and embarrassed I didn't even finish rinsing all the soap off. I just got the hell out.
She's also walked in there with guys standing taking a leak. Our shift captain says we need to make adjustments and show some respect. Well what about her showing a little respect? I mean, come on, this is bullshit right?"
Times have certainly changed, haven't they? You are now facing what guys in the military - and other First Responders - have faced for a while now. But, your shift captain is correct. Some adjustments are in order. But so is some mutual respect.
Obviously, if she hasn't complained to your superiors, she doesn't have an issue with the shower masturbation, walking in while guys are pissing, or knowing the guys jack off in their bunks. But if it's making some of the men uncomfortable, you need to set some ground rules.
2. Or, at least announce her intent before she enters the communal locker room - no matter what she's coming in to do. That would at least give the guys a chance to finish and zip up, or finish showering and dress. It provides the option of just giving the okay if it doesn't bother them.
3. I hope you all clean up properly before the end of shift; remember someone else is going to be sleeping in that bed. Anyway, if you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you know I am not a fan of anyone needing to hide the activity. We shouldn't be embarrassed by it. But you men may have to curtail your masturbation if being seen is a problem for you.
4. She will have to accept she's among a bunch of guys; she's the odd one out. But, if your email is true, it sounds like she's already done that. However, she will have to understand that not every one of her coworkers is comfortable with her seeing them with their cocks in their hands - boner or not.
What you and the guys don't want to do is turn this into a bigger deal than it is. If you're brave enough, sit her down and have a quiet discussion. Be the one who tells her you appreciate the fact she's tried to be accepting and unobtrusive, but she's made some of the guys uncomfortable. That, sometimes, they need a little bit of privacy for "certain personal activities."
Barring that, someone will need to take it to the precinct and ask them to have a talk with her.
What's the consensus, Readers?
8 comments:
I think you already gave the best advice. It is nice to have some alone time though.
Sounds like she's already adjusted to the situation but a frank discussion of how the men feel seems to be in order.
Thanks for your visit and the info about those numbers! Never had those worries as I've lived and worked in male communities! Trust you are feeling better. I'm off to the art gallery. The "Lady and the Unicorn" tapestries are here on loan! Lovely Autumn morning.
I would ask why, if there isn't proper facilities for a female firefighter, why did the fire chief (or whoever did the hiring) allow her to come to that particular station. Then to have one female who didn't allow the guys a bit of privacy when appropriate, why didn't the lead man get to her and mention some of the problems the other guys are having. Sounds like a real problem has developed.
From that info I would say the issue is more with the males than the lone female. Grow up. You are all adults so act like it. You are not going to get coodies or girl germs.
Ive seen this before. A bunch of males act all macho and all that other crap that goes with it (including the comparison of females conversations) yet the moment a female enters their presence they resort to acting like little school girls! Clutched pearls and all. When in this type of situation its really not funny. Its more embarrassing than funny.
The toilet stuff; more and more places are now unisex toilets. There shouldnt really be any issue there with pooping and peeing together. In your own homes you all shit in the same bowl anyway.
Penis or vagina it doesnt matter what is between their legs. Treat everyone equally. The jerking off part; take your own advice there and show some respect yourself. You find common ground, compromise and overcome it.
Small station or not, it should be compulsory that there are facilities for men and facilities for women (even if there is only one woman).
It's what happened when for the first time after centuries in 1980, a woman, Marguerite Yourcenar, has been elected to the French Academy. The academicians have (wrongly) believed to be funny by making write on doors "for men" and "for Marguerite Yourcenar." Now there is eight women and obviously it's written "for men" and "for women".
Love hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.
As T said: "in your own homes you all shit in the same bowl anyway." True --- but not simultaneously. Getting used to sharing your working-and-living space with a woman requires some adjustment, obviously, but having to share a gang shower seems a little much.
Here's my thoughts. I'm pretty sure all this would be less cumbersome than my description makes it sound. One mildly awkward 10-minute meeting with a little bit of respectful humor and no finger-pointing, and it's all set. And if any further discussion is needed, then the topic has already been brought up.
I don't know how big this station is or how many people are in it, but maybe guidelines could be adopted, like: have a system of signs to hang on the bathroom door. If a (the) female is in the bathroom, hang a "female icon" sign to show that it's occupied. If a male is in the bathroom, hang a "male icon" sign.
(symbols: https://textimgs.s3.amazonaws.com/boundless-psychology/ender-symbols-side-by-side.svg)
Find out who feels how about being walked in on by someone of the other sex. If the woman doesn't mind being walked in on, then she can hang the sign in consideration of those who would rather not walk in on her. And if she'd rather not be walked in on, then it's a "keep out" sign while she's in there. Same plan for the men. No sign at all means nobody's in the bathroom.
And, like at home, have some good-manners rules: it's good manners to wait until the person in there has come out, and it's good manners not to stay in there longer than you have to. (I personally am not an "I know you're taking a shit, but I just need a Q-tip" kind of person at home. We knock, and if someone's in there we wait.)
It's the manager's job to set some ground rules that accommodate everyone's comfort level within the range of what's practical. If ONE person is not comfortable sharing a gang shower with the opposite sex, then EVERYONE has to obey the signs. (However, if someone is not comfortable with working/living alongside a woman, then that's just too bad.)
Just my $.02...
I think it's important to set some ground rules. Have a discussion about bathroom arrangements and such. Discuss it with your boss, I know some people treat "discussing sex and nudity issues once to avoid accidentally seeing each other naked or masturbating" as a form of sexual harassment in our litigious society, so talk to the boss first.
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