My 4 brothers and me got wedding gifts of our choice. They asked for cars or vacations, I asked for an indoor pool. Everyone loves coming to the house all year long and the rule is no suits. The problem is my in-laws. They think we're all damaging our kids. Most importantly to them, they think it's terrible that we allow our young daughter to be naked and see everyone else naked when my family is over. It's not like the men are running around with boners or anything. But her folks are insisting we stop. What do you and your readers think? Does having daughters in the mix change everything?"
There was a similar situation in Dear Abby's column not long ago. Abby told the woman she needed to butt out and let her daughter raise her kids the way she wanted.
I have to agree and say, "Your house, your pool, your kids, your rules."
You might want to remind your in-laws of the "No Suits" rule at the Y decades ago. Nobody seemed to have been traumatized.
What do you think, Readers?
Do daughters force a change in the rules?
12 comments:
Hey Bro -- Sorry to hear you guys are experiencing smokey monsoons and high winds. My first question to your question is why only daughters - if we go there then why not sons - is there a double standard with the in-laws. You know where I stand - if folks are raised around nudity and it is treated as normal and natural then there is no weirdness about it. It is what it is and everyone is raised to accept the natural state of our bodies - very healthy!. It is a shame the in-laws are not able to overcome the dis-ease of their cultural upbringing. Have a super day, my Friend. Hugs, Licks, and Strokes, AOM
I agree with everything you said!
Great as always! My only thought is something I read somewhere some time ago. "A very young girl might be shocked by a large erect penis"!!!! Thanks again for your visits and comments.
I have no problem with nudity and a lot of people don't, but I think unless your very self confident, take pride in your body, or are a nudist, then I think it has to be taken into consideration of your audience so to speak. Even the Woods Campground I go to which is clothing optional has a family weekend, but clothing must be worn then for people not comfortable with nudity.
On the other hand if the in laws know about it...they don't have to go either.
As long as all males behave appropriately (meaning that they be discreet should they start getting a boner) in front of her, I think it is healthy to be nude in the pool. I wish my parents had allowed us to swim naked in our pool. The in -laws can share their thoughts but it is not their home to make the rules. Excellent question to think about.
"Your house, your pool, your kids, your rules." That is exactly the response that I had created in my own mind! What a surprise to see it in the body of your post in exactly the same words, in exactly the same order, in exactly the same syntax. It's almost as though you were reading my mind; or I was reading yours.
As for the idea of different rules for girls? Come on! This is 2018! Equality for ALL the sexes.
I don't know why I'm struggling over this, I guess because this is not the norm in every family. It's the exception. It would be different if literally everybody did this, but they don't. So anybody, child or adult, may possibly not be comfortable with the nudity.
Also anyone with children knows they tell everyone, EVERYTHING. They will be spreading far and wide tales about the parties they go to with naked adults, I guarantee it. They will tell their friends and their friends will tell their parents. So it's not simple, it's complicated.
So if the rules at your house are nudity for all and no suits, then that should be the understanding upfront and anybody who takes part in the pool activities understands this. Would it be considerate though if you had family who expressed their being uncomfortable, that you simply do some minor accommodating for them?
Yes back in the day men and boys did not wear suits at the YMCA, but at the YWCA they did.
Big fan of vintage nude photos so thanks for the YMCA pics!
And yes, I agree with everybody else. The in-laws have no place telling you & your wife how to raise your children. If they have a problem with it, they are free to stop coming over.
(a) the girls will stop seeing nudity (including male nudity) as a "thing"
(b) the boys will stop seeing nudity (including female nudity) as a "thing"
That will be nothing but good for them, both now and later on when the opposite --- or maybe same! --- sex becomes interesting for other reasons.
(And if someone experiences a sudden onset of modesty when puberty comes along, please allow them their modesty. Let them know it's nothing they need to be embarrassed about, but if they just feel weird about it for awhile, it's OK to cover up. Insisting on nudity is, at base, no different than insisting on suits.)
@ Everyone - Thanks for the comments - some wonderful food for thought for this reader. That's what I truly appreciate - we get both sides in thoughtful, considerate remarks. I do believe that is why the questions come in.
@ Jean - You're right, of course - the YWCA did make the girls wear suits. I wonder why that was the case, and I also wonder when and why the rules changed for the guys.
I agree with Jean. There's gonna be hell to pay when the kids go talking about the naked pool party.
I have never been nude around anyone's kid. Once I was at a friend house and someone's toddler stripped and got into the pool and other kids did the same. But the adults kept their suits on.
Why it has to be forbidden to have swimsuit? Why not let everyone to choose if they want to be naked or not? If seeing other people naked is a problem then its that persons own problem, but forcing others to also be naked if they want to swim, is kind of iffy, at least in my opinion.
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