Happy Veteran's Day to all my U.S. vet readers.
"My husband and I both read your blog everyday. After my husband attended a men's seminar, he's been obssessed with teaching other men to be comfortable in their own skin. We have a 2 car garage in the back yard that he renovated with full bathroom, & kitchenette & a big tv. Every Saturday is something different when he teaches naked yoga, group massage, and masturbation. Last week a woman came looking for her husband. She was sure he was having an affair and was surprised when I answered the door and told her he was out back with the rest of the guys. It happened to be yoga day and I refused to tell her or allow her back there knowing all the guys were naked. My husband said I should've told her that it's part of losing the shame of being male. I think it's her husband's place to fill her in, not mine. What say you?"
It sounds to me like your husband must have attended a Body Electric seminar. They're wonderful. I attended one and found it absolutely life-changing. Though I was already comfortable being naked around other men and jacking off around them too because of my years in the military, this seminar brought something higher: A sense of brotherhood, because of the way they teach the classes.
First to be comfortable in the nude.
Then comfortable that all men get erections and there's no reason to be ashamed of that.
And that all men masturbate and jacking off is nothing to be ashamed of.
Then learning to communicate about what you like with a partner through erotic massage.
And then how to become multi-orgasmic.
It turned the military circle jerks I remembered into a true comradery of shared senses.
To answer your question, I side with you. Though being proud of his body and learning more about the pleasure in how it functions is part of the process, your husband's student needs to share that with his wife in his own time, when he's fully comfortable with it.
Readers, what do you think?
13 comments:
Absolutely correct. Each person should be the author and teller of his own story and own the experience. An outsider will never be able to match the nuances and feeling of an individual participant.
We have a friend who thinks nudity is only for sex. If you are not having sex why be naked. He has a hard time understanding the simple joy that the freedom of not wearing clothes can give a person. He has said that some people should not be seen naked around other people. He misses the whole point that it is not about sex. When your in a group of naked people, you soon forget about the nakedness and concentrate just on the person. We host nude dinner parties and are very comfortable. (A benefit is if you spill something, you can just lick it off.) The first time Maximus came to a nude dinner he was a little apprehensive but became at ease very quickly and enjoyed the evening. He is now very comfortable being naked around the house. Invite some close friends over for a nude dinner and see how quick the nudity is forgotten.
Well, *someone* needs to tell her.
@ Rick - If that guy wants to keep the peace in his own house and not have his wife following him around, you're right.
@ Naven - Very well put!!
@ Hooter - Yep, some people simply refuse to accept that nude doesn't mean sex in on the menu. It is a very wonderful, freeing feeling to spend time naked with other people - coed or not.
The OP could have told the wife that it was a men-only seminar about being male and offered her own feelings about it, without going into detail, to assuage the wifes concern. Our feelings are our own to be shared with whomever we wish. However, it is up to the wifes husband to tell her about it if he wants.
However, I feel a turning point for men is being reached and we will see changes as a result of men being unshackled from the traditional constraints over sexual fulfilment: women will no longer be the gatekeepers as some men will discover they can get what they need from other men, if women use access to sex as a coercive control tool. Some women will not like losing that control, but they should never have had it in the first place, when control of women by men was outlawed and we should have had equality. Women will always have a special kind of power in the awesome ability to grow a child in their own body.
I'm hoping it will usher in a greater personal freedom for everyone to choose and not be controlled by someone else with more power: people will be with who they both want to be, not because of being held hostage. It will require a rethink of procreation to be supported by society for the benefit of the child and thus society, by 2 committed parents who model the fundamental sexes for the childs basic identity formation and will remain a stable family unit until the child becomes adult, regardless of sexual fullfilment accommodations.
People have been reduced to signalling interest in sex with exposure of bare flesh or symbolic gestures for too long. Both parties need to develop more direct communication skills for what they want, not rely on someone elses uneducated interpretation of vague signals. Men having an erection is not a reliable signal of interest in sex and requiring men to always initiate and a woman to refuse if not interested is not equality.
Use of naked flesh to signal interest in sex is not very effective if one simply wants to be naked.
I agree 100% that the guy should tell his wife himself. Years back I played racquetball with a young man whose wife was obsessive. She would walk into the courts unannounced to "tell him something important," and once tried to follow us into the locker room. When we stopped her, she said, "He's my husband.". I said "Yeah, but the fifty other men in here aren't." She hated me after that. Not quite the same as suspecting you husband is having an affair, but...I was glad the lady stopped her from going out to the garage. I grew up in an all-male household, and while I can jack off with a bunch of males around, I don't go in for mixed-company nakedness.
I agree 100% that the guy should tell his wife himself. Years back I played racquetball with a young man whose wife was obsessive. She would walk into the courts unannounced to "tell him something important," and once tried to follow us into the locker room. When we stopped her, she said, "He's my husband.". I said "Yeah, but the fifty other men in here aren't." She hated me after that. Not quite the same as suspecting you husband is having an affair, but...I was glad the lady stopped her from going out to the garage. I grew up in an all-male household, and while I can jack off with a bunch of males around, I don't go in for mixed-company nakedness.
Fascinating reader's question... there are all sorts of situation in the world. This one? I would have never thought of. Imagine if Ward Cleaver had attended that seminar and June answered the door... how would of she handled it? Why invite her in for coffee of course. But, she's right... what's going on needs to be learned via her spouse. What a great episode of Leave It To Beaver that would have made.
As for Veteran's day... sadly, they do the job we, ourselves either can't or don't want to do. It's a horrible job. And, yes, let's honor them for doing it.
The wife needs to know first. I mean, more for the masturbation than the nudity.
if the couple manages to overcome this small crisis, they will find themselves stronger.
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