I've tried to whittle this message to the essence. I hope it makes sense.
The crux of the question: How is it possible that a guy that age isn't interested or has no sex drive? Is it a medical issue, should I have suggested he see a doctor?
Not every young guy is horned-up to the rafters, walking around with a perpetual hard-on, looking to get laid or sneak in a wank at every opportunity. Low libido for a guy that age could signal a lack of testosterone. But, since he gets morning wood and does masturbate occasionally, it's more likely he's asexual.
That simply means a lack of interest in sex. According to an 2016 article in Cosmopolitan magazine, "Asexual people may feel attraction, but they don't have the desire to act on it sexually. Unlike celibacy, which is giving up sex as a choice, being asexual is an orientation, like being gay or straight, according to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)."
Before you say anything to your son about his friend, or approach his friend, you might want to scope out Whatisasexuality.com. It has the most definitive explanation and is definitely worth the read.
12 comments:
Interesting topic - good advice to him and others to study up more on the variety of sexuality. Looks like you and I hit the highs and lows today! : ) I hope all is well with you and that you continue to heal and get better, bro. I wish you a phabulous day! Hugs, Licks, and Strokes, AOM
let's see a doctor!!!
Hi! Can't help you there! Just checked my blog! Still getting 800 hits a day!!!!! What should do???
Perfect answer. I was thinking asexuality as I read the message. It’s more common than we realise, but mainly not talked about openly so not so often considered. Great advice. I couldn’t add anything.
"What guy that age..." "When I was his age..." OK, but what is this age? During the adolescence, a small number of years can correspond to big differences. I do not worry about him. Not yet.
"He claims to masturbate every once in a while but he's not really into it." Thta's probably why we have two hands, one for being "really into it", and one for being really out of it.
Hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.
It could be quite possible. I have a friend who doesn't care in the slightest about sex...he's gay and I even tried to jack off in front of him to get him turned on....it didn't even work. He's just not sexual.
You're absolutely correct that not every male is raring to go all the time.
1. I'm often a horny masturbator, but for a few days after ejaculating by 76 yo cock, I'll not be interested. Or life events will preempt masturbation.
2. I've met a few men who are sexually supercharged - who intensely attract and inspire others not because of some intention (I've met a lot those men!) but because of some innate gift that gets communicated somehow without words.
3. Seen rationally, horniness is kind of weird. Getting fixated on the sensations from one small body part. Watching videos of of other men's erect penises.
My interpretation of this is that there's a physical basis for horniness and desire to connect with others. Western medicine would identify substances like testosterone. Eastern medicine would talk about life force or Ching Chi.
The young man who isn't interested in jacking off with his buddies is probably missing out on something that's driving many men to spend a lot of time with cock. Should he go with his nature, or try and see what his options are? How do any of us find a balance in our lives? Which balance point is right for us at a given time of life?
I led an asexual life in my 20's because coming out was a big deal in the 1960's - but I established a career that I loved and provided handsomely for my needs. When I came out in my 30's I started exploring my erotic nature, and in my 40's got a lot of assistance in Body Electric workshops. I've made a lot of friends and had many wonderful experiences and relationships. So I would advise the young man to develop his own erotic nature!
There are many more sexual orientations than just straight/gay. Asexual, Akoisexual, Skoliosexual, Pansexual, Solosexual, Demisexual, Sapiosexual and plenty more.
There is a whole other world out there besides straight/gay.
@ T - It appears I have a lot of reading to do myself.
Well... I know that when my sex drive goes into neutral, it is something in the environment that is stalling it. Any number of things - Exhaustion from a ballistic work week (and subsequent stress surround work load), anxiety over crappy work-life balance or a spouse who is having difficulty with his own employer. Depression over the loss of a pet, realizing the house looks like a giant dumpster inside, glancing at the current politics, the holidays are coming, etc.
I know from teenage children of friends that they are as encumbered by life stress and exhaustion - horrific school assignments, peer pressure, uncertain futures, incessant onslaught of just MISERABLE messaging on social media, etc. And there is no wonder why "Fluid" is emerging as a new identity.
It's not a medical doctor, it's more of a councilor they need. Minimally... the need for a quiet place.
As do we all...
Some guys just aren't interested. Most aren't the cartoonish "masturbate constantly, do anything to get laid" caricature of incipient manhood from the last quarter or so of the last century.
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