"My buddy and I have been roommates since we graduated college about 5 years ago. We've bate buddies ever since I walked into our dorm room and found him stroking his dick. I've been dating this woman for almost 2 years. She's a nurse and we haven't seen each other through this entire virus stuff. She agreed to cam sex until I told her I recorded one to use as bate fuel. While I was on speaker phone with her my buddy let it slip that we bate together and trade hand jobs. Now she's pissed. Not that he's seen the video. Not that my bud and I bate together. She's pissed that we jerk each other's dicks. How do I convince her there's nothing wrong with it?"
Hm. So, it's okay that you jack off together but not if you lend each other a hand? That's a bit ridiculous --- in my mind, anyway. First of all, it's your cock. You can do what you want with it.
During this pandemic the one thing many people miss the most is in-person sex. Many have turned to camming, but that's not really satisfying, is it? You've got a built-in partner, and I suspect that's the thing that really bothers her.
She might be surprised to know how many straight men are into mutual masturbation. Organized jack-off groups all over the world report 10% - 20% of attendees are straight guys. 90% of the guys in the group I belonged to were straight. There's a shit-ton of straight men on BateWorld. Another shit-ton on Buddy Bate. There are straight porn actors who do gay films.
It would do no good to promise it won't happen again. You know it will, I know it will, and so does she. If there's no convincing her, it may be time to let this relationship wither on the vine because, while there are promising vaccines coming down the pike, there's still a long haul ahead of us.
And, let's face it: There's no reason --- except her disapproval --- that you would stop.
17 comments:
I appreciate the post, but the letter-writer asked a specific question: "How do I convince her there's nothing wrong with it?" Your answer seems to be "dump her".
Maybe it could be more nuanced? How about educating her through this website, pointing to posts where guys share their non-gay experiences of mutual masturbation? How about giving her reassurance that two guys helping each other out may be a sign of brotherhood and not a romantic relationship? If those approaches don't put a dent in her bucket of concern, then indeed it's time to let it go.
Well, I kinda understand her jealousy? Because she's just jealous. I think that being a nurse she'd know better, but hey. It's hard for people to understand that sex and love (and sexual attraction) are complex and complicated.
I have no idea what to say here, though...
XOXO
so relaxing activity
This will never change. When a partner finds this out, they won't admit it, but they automatically assume because the guy is touching another man's dick he's gay. Or worry he will like dick better.
Why else are they so threatened?
They can't have their cake and eat it too. Therefore it's clear: she accepts (and I didn't say she pretends to accept) or else she takes her belongings together and go.
Hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.
I suspect few women really understand male sexual needs. Period.
So if her friend is having sex with someone else besides her, or simply satisfying himself, she is going to be jealous.
No matter what the reason is, like a pandemic. There is a good lesson to be learned here, keep your mouth shut.
Hugs and bisous.
Oh man, what I wouldn't give right now for the hug, the touch, the smell of another man, let alone a nude massage, a bate buddy, etc.
I long for a long nude hug with another man.
Enjoy the perks of having a built-in buddy.
This story seems to have all the marks of the notorious "Penthouse Forum" letters. He's straight, has a girlfriend and yet jacks off with a male room mate!! It seems a tad bit too incredulous.
@ Adam - You're right. It IS male bonding, establishing a brotherhood. That's a message I used to post a lot. It's still a good one and I should get back to posting more often.
@ Jean & Mistress - Jealous. Yep. And, Jean, you are SO right: Learn to keep the mouth shut. LOL
@ Six - You're right, you'd think a nurse would know better. But, sadly, the jealousy factor jumps right to the forefront.
@ Anon, 12/9, 6:30 - It could be bogus. It could be legit. Regardless, it doesn't matter to me. I try to answer them all.
This sort of thing always turns into a conundrum. Excellent visuals.
Sexual jealousy stems fundamentally from the biological need for commitment by a partner to provide for the needs of offspring and Mother, so any competition to that commitment is perceived as a threat, subconsciously. That's why monogamy is so important to many, in principle.
It's not surprising the nurse is jealous over perceived competition to her existing relationship, even though the competition is from a man. I don't think pointing out that it is simply an extension of brotherhood is going to make a difference because the relationship is sexual and thus points directly to the underlying biology and concern.
I think we have reached the point where we do need to be discussing monogamy in a new light, however I think the emotional implications are so deeply ingrained that rationality is going to have a tough time changing them.
Women may also be starting to become aware of the potential danger of losing sexual power over men as those men become more aware of options for sexual gratification other than women: engaging in sex with another adds an extra dimension to the experience and why it will continue to be overall better than masturbation; and that other could be a man.
IMO, the only thing holding men back from greater sexual freedom is homophobia: Covid-19 isolation is proving to be an interesting challenge to that mindset; and about time too that the old order was challenged and this means re-evaluating relationships and monogamy. When it comes to procreation and children, which is what all the rules are about anyway, I think we need new rules to achieve commitment and stability, recognising the needs of men, women and children as equivalent.
Whilst keeping silent about extra-relationship activities reduces the likelihood of emotional friction in the short term, I think it is a deception that disrespects the other party and reduces their ability to make informed decisions. We need to find alternate ways of handling the situations that create emotional friction than simply accepting "get back" or "get out" solutions and part of this is developing greater moderation of emotional impulses to allow more rationality.
In the case of the nurse, being angry might simply encourage the OP to see that sex with men is less trouble than relationships with women: if she wants him to return to her, she must entice him back with a carrot, not threats with a stick. This is going to be a difficult thing for women to accept in a future where their sexual currency is being devalued from the monopoly it has largely been.
@JoyLovePeaceHappiness - I agree I'd really like and appreciate the contact of another like minded man. I don't go out much these days due to the virus situation. Many probably turn to camming but it's not for me. Too artificial and I never feel comfortable on camera.
Control/ownership is not love I’d move on it won’t get better with time.
Find someone that “gets” you.....much nicer way to live.
@ Anon, 4:42 - That's why I suggested he let the relationship with the nurse fizzle. No one should have their lives controlled by another person in any way.
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