Friday, January 20, 2017

A Most Important Tool

Here's one I've never dealt with before.

"One of my sons came to me saying his "nuggets" hurt. No kick to the groin or anything, they just ached. I jumped out on a limb and asked when the last time he "took care of himself" was. Too subtle. "When's the last time you jerked off?" He stuns me when he tells me more than a month because his mother yelled at him (she found him with his dick in his hand) and told him it was bad and bad for him! WTF!?!? I straightened him out on that in a hurry, let me tell you. I sent him to his room with instructions; if it doesn't help then come to me again so I can get him to his doctor. But, here's my dilemma. My wife "discovered" religion a while ago. I mean, hook, line, and sinker. I left it to her and stayed out of things with our daughter. How do I deal with her when it comes to the boys jerking off?"
Does she know you jerk off?
But, that's not the issue, here.
Hm.... Unless you can demand she stay out of it: 1. Ask her if she wants her sons to be healthy, and well adjusted. 2. Ask her if she would take Medicine's advice on the subject. Then deluge her with masturbation-positive articles. 3. Schedule a meeting with his pediatrician - provided he will back you up. If those don't work, sadly, your boys will have to keep it on the down-low. Very down-low.


Masturbation is a most important tool for a teenage male when in the throes of puberty. It helps their moods and emotions stay on a more even keel. When a young, pubescent guy has a boner pretty much 23 hours a day, and gets a case of blue balls, he can be surly and very difficult to reason with. The sure-fired cure is a good wank.





Anyone have any other suggestions???

Thank you, Mr. President.


Anonymous said...

He could pass along this thought from Leviticus 15. Note that for men if a man has an emission of semen (and how does that usually happen except by masturbation?) the rite of purification is the same as that for a man and woman who have sex, the assumption being they were married. Since marital sex is definitely expected and encouraged, being that this is in the same paragraph the assumption can be made that masturbation is also accepted by God. In Leviticus there are plenty of prohibitions to having sex with others,but solo sex is not expressly prohibited as all kinds of other sex. Seems that if God was really against it he would have included it in the Leviticus list.

Xersex said...

so painful situation, for the guy and for USA!!!!

Patrick said...

I'm sure that my mother knew that I masturbated but never commented! As I've said before my father died when I was 10 years old! We were a "good" Catholic family, regular Church goers, etc! But the matter of my "jacking-off" was never mentioned. It was not till I went to boarding-school that masturbation was discussed. The priest-in-charge told us, "Only evil men masturbate"! My question, never asked, was: "If it feels soooooo good why is it wrong?" It feels good because we are MEANT to do it, and do it often! Perhaps the father should also ask his son if he is having "wet dreams"! If not there could be something wrong!

Anonymous said...

Amen, thank you Mr. President. Maybe the father can find a gentle way of showing that these are two totally separate issues. One is the normal body function, and the other one is religion. They shouldn't be at odds with each other because the body with all its normal functions is God's product. So every bodily function should be good. Bisous, JM

mistress maddie said...

Today might be the first day I didn't jack off in... I couldn't tell you when. Here's to a good weekend to you!!!!

T said...

I have strong stance against religion. Similar to the guy/dad it has screwed up parts of my family. Complete brainwashed a few of them. Once they get to that place there is no hope for them.

Apart from getting all the kids out (not just the sons but the daughter too; get them out before its too late); send them all to the doctor to explain to them with the mother present about sexual health. She wont listen to you/the dad but she will at least listen to the doctor. Most likely wont listen to the doctor either but at least you got a medical professional as back up.

Ive had some religious ones come to the door a few times. The Jehovah's they come in pairs. Had a pair come around and they wanted to tell me their stories about how it 'saved'them. The whole time all I could think of was if they jerk off together. When they on their 'journey'they always in pairs and I was more interested in what they do together than anything else.

Anonymous said...

I would just tell him what my old man told me that men do it and women don't understand that so don't let them know. it's not the better answer but it solves the problem for now

SickoRicko said...

Leave it to religious beliefs to F**CK things up.

Anonymous said...

I heard this once:
99% of people masturbate. The other 1% lie. I wish the father and his children all the best. Mom needs to understand that the Bible is to be taken with a grain of salt. Most of the stories are parables and not meant to be taken literally.

Anonymous said...

I am religious as is my family.

But I see nothing wrong with masturbation. I'm sure my parents knew what I was doing when I was shut in the bathroom seemingly for hours and they could no doubt hear the fapping noises through paper thin walls. They never said a word.