Yes, I'm running late today. I had some things which needed doing before I could turn my attention to the blogosphere.
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So, in the comments on Tuesday's post, Faithful Reader Jean asked a very good question, and I shall put it out there for you. In part: "Couples are couples, gay or straight so I suspect we all have the same needs and wants. Which does bring up a good question, Is it better to retain your desire, or your ability, for sex?? ... "
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I have one friend - who, back in our dancing days together - used to be a FWB and was so horny all the time. He would literally stop by my apartment late at night (after our show was over) for a bit of a romp.
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He's lost his ability to get even the hint of a boner.
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He went to his doctor who put him on Testosterone (injections) which did not help. After six years he's simply accepted it and claims to not think about it much at all, and it no longer bothers him to have lost the ability; the desire is gone.
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I think that's quite...odd, I guess...because men (no matter their age beyond puberty) have admitted in many a poll to sexual thoughts about every 5 minutes. Add in those (sometimes annoying) spontaneous erections that can bug us until we take matters in hand to relieve them and - well, let's just say that my desire for a good stiff cock and the pleasure it delivers would be with me 'til the day I die.
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So, folks, what say you?
Do you think it would be better to retain desire,
or retain ability?
13 comments:
Can we get an easier question?
This one's hard to answer. :D
Kidding in a way. Hope someone answers.
I'll respond with a question. If you retain the desire, isn't it probable that you could retain the ability?. Lose the desire and you would just as easily lose the ability is my thought. What are yours?
if you lose the desire of sex, obviously you lose the desire to maintain and/or to improve any ability ... so what's the problem? you can live a marvellous no-sex life!
Believe me or not, but I swear that it is what of which I wanted to speak about with you before opening your blog. This, in the continuation of your update of yesterday.
A first answer: I love you, you love me, we have never had sex together and nevertheless we have no problem as regards desire or ability. Right or not?
A second answer: The boy featured on my banner is not me nor mine but the first boy that I've loved after having been straight for years.
Alas, he was a straight boy!!! A boy with whom I've never done anything sexual, even not only one kiss, even if he loved me a lot and if we have been together more than 10 years & slept together hundreds of time, even quite nude many times.
After that, I have had no sex, even not wanking, during no less than 30 years.
But I was quite happy & absolutely not frustrated. I missed his love, not his body nor having sex as well with him or alone or with somebody else. I was absolutely not interested in any kind of sex.
Conclusion, it's all in the mind and nowhere else. In fact, we have no sexual needs. We want sex only when we believe that it is a need, no more. It's mostly not to say only a habit.
We don't miss what we don't want or wish.
There is a tribe of primitive in which the man is unable to have an erection unless he has the desire to procreate.
That is also what prescribes the Roman Catholic Church with a big hypocrisy because, of course, it knows very well that that is respected by nobody.
You are not conviced? I am not suprised, but anyway have a great day, my dear friend, with a lot of bisous.
Wow..that is really a hard question to answer....to be truthful, If for some reason I lost my ability, I would hope that I would also loose the desire.
Put #9 in a box and send him over and I'll tell you! Seriously, having just about lost the ability, I find that the desire is not there as much as when I could really get a boner. However, a really good porno movie can rekindle the desire. Have a restful weekend my friend! Hugs across the waves, Patrick
As I've gotten older I've noticed that if I don't have the ability for whatever reason, I tend to lose the desire as well, but not entirely. Then things change and both are back and I'm my old self again.
My vote would be keep the ability. If you can physically do it well, then the desire to repeat a pleasurable experience would follow - desire might even increase. There's nothing more discouraging to me than to have the desire and nothing happens. Use it or lose it folks!!!
I'm with Jean, it would be hell to want it so bad and not be able to make it happen. I have been through periods of loss of desire, but it was related to physical problems: obesity and lowT. My erections failed a few times, and at one point I thought it was over. I've naturally turned things around through diet and exercise, losing 50lbs of fat and building muscle, which naturally raised T. Now I'm horney all the time again, and have the most wonderful erections since my twenties. I'm now 56.
It seems to me that "ability" is referring mostly to hardons - can you get and maintain a hardon - can you stick your hardon into another's body. I think that's too narrow a definition and that "ability" should mean the ability to take pleasure in touching and being touched. I'd really hate to lose that ability! Sometimes I don't desire genital stimulation and just want to cuddle, and sometimes I just want to go to sleep next to my partner. Regular dosing with Cialis allows me to generate and sustain hardons for masturbation or while I'm sucking, but I've never sustained hardons while getting fucked, and now rarely stay hard enough to top, although the desire for that particular activity is rare and always a response to a needy bottom. I do lose the desire for genital stimulation after an ejaculation - and this can last for a few days, which isn't a problem in the moment, but is something that I hate and work to overcome. I know that moving erotic energy in my body not only feels good but it good for me.
So it's a very complicated subject and answer - maybe you can make sense of it. I guess I come out with the guys who say that losing desire is worse. With desire and an some ingenuity, pleasure and satisfaction can happen. Hardons are a great pleasure and satisfaction, but not the only option.
You're a philosopher, buddy. But what good is ability w/o desire? The other way around would be miserable tho.
I hope your friend, who received T-shots and still lost it all.....I hope he was seen by an endocrinologist. Some men have an excess ability to over convert testosterone into estrogen, by the over production and zeal of the natural enzyme aromatase. This however can be blocked with aromatase inhibitors....allowing men (and women) to keep more of the testosterone they produce (or receive medically). It really isn't so much about how much testosterone you produce (or receive), it's how much you keep.
@ Anon - Nope, he's totally given up. To be honest, he's spent his entire life giving up on things. If he'd stop feeling sorry for himself for more then a couple hours, he might find life to be fun and worthwhile. I do believe his ED is really psychological.
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