Jocks Are

 

Good morning.

Well, one October Surprise has been resolved by the dockworkers union. Reporting indicates the other unions put pressure on them to go back to work until January - thus saving Christmas shopping.

"I stopped for coffee and changed tables so I wouldn't have to deal with seeing a man's junk hanging out of his shorts. What is it with men? You can't at least put on a jack strap. Isn't that what they were made for?"

Um, okay. First, it's not junk. That's offensive. Junk is something we throw away in the trash. Second, jocks are uncomfortable as hell. To quote a line from my buddy's first play, "You try cramming those double-Ds into a A-cup and then we'll talk." Yeah, it's like that, only worse.

Third, jock straps were actually invented in 1874 by C.F. Bennett in Chicago, working for Sharp & Smith Sporting Goods, specifically for "bicycle jockeys" who were that era's version of delivery services and messengers. Thus the name "jock strap" (or "jockstrap," depending upon your preferred spelling). It was designed to keep the men's balls from flopping around and getting bruised as they pedaled along cobblestone streets.

Some companies do make "street jocks," which are much less restrictive than ones worn for most sports.

Though many of today's players wear a type of full butt coverage sports brief like this one from YUSA Studios.

But anything that restricts the goods is uncomfortable. Add heat and sweat (because our balls do sweat) and, well, it's even worse. Most days, the first thing my wife does when she comes in from work is take off the bra. So, think of it in those terms the next time you see a guy's goods slipping out the legs of his shorts.

Have a great weekend.

Frozen Peas and Jock Straps

"Oh, my aching balls!" - Those were my exact words to a buddy of mine when I called him for advice. He's a roaming Forensic Pathologist; he fills in when Medical Examiners take vacations. The Varicoceles (essentially, varicose veins of the balls) were flaring. I was quite beside myself. I figured if he didn't know what to suggest to help until I got in to the Urologist, no one would.

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"Do you have any peas in your freezer? Lay down, elevate your legs with pillows and put the peas on your groin.  When the swelling goes down, put on a jock strap, dude. A street jock, or light support jock strap. There are little tiny valves along the vessels to your balls. When they don't operate right, the blood has a tough time moving through. Gravity is working against you here, causing added pressure."

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Well, I didn't have a jock. Out to the sporting good store I went. Have you ever seen the sheer number of styles available? Holy crap!

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I finally had to ask for help. He didn't hesitate and pulled one from the rack, "This is what I wear every day."

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Between the frozen peas, and the jock strap: Sweet relief! The Ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow; we'll see just how much worse these things have gotten over the years since the last urologist told me to "learn to live with the pain." I wanted to say, "Fuck you!" I sighed and nodded and he walked out of the exam room. 

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The next time I see a dude at the day spa wearing a jock strap I won't question it.

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