Today, I shall continue my celebration of Labor Day.
In the meantime, here's a puzzler for you all:
"I finally got my dad to go to the gym with me. We're both vaccinated and the place is careful in the extreme. We went into the locker room to shower and change. I never knew my dad was so prudish. He juggles his towel to hide his junk. I had to ask him why he thought he needed to hide. He just said there's such a thing as modesty and asked why I was so willing to let anyone see my privates. I said because what's there isn't any different than any one else there. He's very skeptical. How do I convince him he could save himself a lot anxiety and grief by just letting it all hang out - literally."
First off, let me begin by chastising you for referring to male genitals as "junk.' No. They are not junk. Would you toss yours in a trash can?
The sense of modesty is one thing, being fearful that the other men might see the goods is another. There are three things which can typically be found at the root of it. A bad experience - he was teased in his younger years. Or afraid the other men are gay and ogling. Or he gets a bit of a boner.
How do you get him past it? Maybe by example. By being at ease in your own nudity. Let others look - because every guy in there will the very first time they see you. Once they've taken a glance, the inspection - the comparison - is over. It's normal if someone has a semi or even pops a full boner, so treat it like it's not a big deal. Maybe your dad will get the message.
Or, you can have a conversation with him about the workings of the male anatomy. Because there still are a lot of men in the world who don't know very much about their own equipment.
20 comments:
If his father does not forbid him not to hide anything, he has no reason to forbid his father to hide everything. Let everyone live their own life, and nothing will be more effective than leading by example.
Hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.
Too each there own and how someone is most comfortable should not be pressured. I feel there is a myriad of reasons people cover. they don't want to be cruised, they are modest, they just aren't comfortable and aren't show off's. My one friend at his gym is relentless. He walks naked all the time, which is fine, but gets very pushy when he cant see a dick. I tell him he's a pig, and he is one reason people do cover. He doesn't know when to stop. Course he's also looking for a hook up I believe.
re: the prudish father and the more un-inhibited son.
My first question is their ages. As I understand it, schools no longer require you to shower after gym class. And some schools have simply shut down the showers due to lack of use. Kids daub on some deodorant, and trundle off to class, still dripping with sweat. Was his father from this age group, and never got used to being naked around other guys?
I went to high school back in the late 1960s. Gym was a required class (except for one marking period of 'health'), and showers after class were required.
Except for freshman year and perhaps the first week of class, I don't recall anyone being so modest that they needed to hide behind their towels. At worst, you might 'casually' dangle your towel walking to or from the showers.
In the showers, there was no hiding. Shower heads all around the room; no modesty panels or curtains! You might face the wall, but that was all you could do.
Eventually, (in my case, at least) being naked in near-public was no big deal. It wasn't unusual to have a conversation with the guys across the locker room from you-- both naked, or drying damp spots, or getting dressed.
The only fear anyone had was popping a boner in the showers. At least not without a good 'hot date' story to go with it!
One other reason to be shy that you didn't mention-- fear of his own manhood; does he have suppressed homosexual feelings, and is he afraid of looking at other men or being ogled by another man? Fear of his reaction to that kind of ogling might be one reason dad is a bit shy.
Was his father from a group that never had to shower in public, while his son was? Did parental lessons on modesty emphasize not letting people see you naked, but did the son miss some of the lessons?
As far as convincing dad to let it all hang out... With more trips to the gym I think dad might relax enough that being naked in front of other men no longer makes him 'shy.'
And if he's afraid someone might make a pass at him, tell him he should take it as the complement it is and just say, "No, thanks."
--PaulMmn
ps-- "It's normal if someone has a semi or even pops a full boner, so treat it like it's not a big deal." Well, for some men it's a bigger deal than for others! (:
Question #1-I wonder if your writer is gay and his Dad knows and supports him? Question #2-How old is the Dad?
Question #3-Is it really necessary to change his Dad's mental perceptions of himself and nudity in general at this stage in his life?
I know he is trying to help his Dad feel less anxious about his naked body and how other men perceive him. But your writer needs to give his Dad some room here. Much of the issues his Dad has comes from the way his parents treated nudity as he was growing up. Those lessons we learn can either teach us complete confidence or horrific shame. Personally, as a closeted gay man for the first 70 years of my life, no one has seen me naked since I left the Navy, except several doctors and medical staff. I'm comfortable now with the body I have at 74, but because of my parent's attitude that nudity was not discussed or encouraged, and the teasing I received from 2 mentally and physically abusive brothers-in-law and upperclassmen in high school, I've felt shame and hatred for my private parts for years. These feelings are hard to forget and your writer should know his Dad may have experienced similar things in his life that makes him react about this subject like he does. To end, I don't resemble any of the men in the pictures you posted with this question. I never looked like any of them. We are constantly bombarded in print and press with images of these Adonis's and paragons of masculinity and for many of us, it's hard to measure up to these standards. But then, it really shouldn't be a competition. Each of us needs to accept ourselves and our bodies in the way that makes us feel physically adequate and and mentally well. His Dad may still get there and if he doesn't, it's still okay. That's what makes life interesting. We're all so different yet very much the same.
I agree “junk” is wrong! I am not big, I am 64. I go to nude yoga and nude meetups. I feel free and finally accepted as a male. No one comments, it is just us men. Let your dad have some time, maybe he’ll come around. I never saw my dad naked and it was his decision.
Found this Huffington Post link:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/to-straight-men-showering_b_4757790
Bottom line: All men look. And compare.
I think he needs to chill and let his dad do as he pleases. I don't like getting naked in front of people, it does not matter they're all men and we 'have the same equipment'. And you'll find few men sluttier than I am. I just don't like it. If you're gonna fuck me, I'll be naked in three seconds. If I'm taking a shower in gym? I'll keep to myself. It's just the way I am.
Not all men want to let it all hang out.
XOXO
I don’t think he can convince his father to change his ways, but more about this below.
Usually the complaint is the reverse – prudish young men in locker rooms who are shocked by older men walking around naked. The fact is: what we consider modest and immodest is purely a social construct. When I grew up, locker rooms had group shower rooms, not individual showers, and it was completely normal to be naked in a locker room and in a group shower. To somewhat younger men (presumably like the writer’s father), who didn't go through the same experience, that’s immodest.
This mindset of what’s modest and immodest is formed in our youth and is not easily changed afterwards. So, I suspect your writer may never convince his father to change his own behavior in locker rooms. The best he can do is perhaps persuade his father not to be so judgmental about his son.
Consider: in Victorian times, men’s bathing suits covered the whole body, including the chest, because exposing men’s nipples was considered immodest. However, in Victorian times, if women were not present, men went swimming together completely naked and thought nothing of it. The writer could ask his father whether he agrees with those rules for what’s modest/immodest. Of course he doesn’t. Which proves my point that modesty is a social construct, not an absolute.
-Larry
Mind your own business? I don't see an issue here, neither does the father in question. Yes, there's nothing to be afraid of and male nudity is fine... for some. Those that don't want to participate or show off... well... just let them be. Live and let live...
@ Don - I guess you'd be the only one who agrees with me on the term "junk."
p.s. I really miss my naked yoga classes.
@ Six - Oh, you'd get naked for me, wouldn't you? 😁😎 XOXO
@ Mistress - Your friend's behavior is exactly why some men refuse to undress at a gym. Shameful.
@ Larry - Victorian times - right? There are days I think we're headed right back to that. Sans the men getting naked together, of course. Which kind of makes it even worse.
@ Paul - Yep. It was totally required when I was in school. too. I hated it. It was in the military that I finally got comfortable being naked. Hell, we didn't have any options.
Thanks for the Huff link!
@ Milleson - A lifetime of abuse can be very difficult to overcome, indeed. I'm glad to hear you've come to accept your body - even at this stage of life. It's good. Body positivity is just as important for men.
I go with the "live and let live" opinions.
He is Pat. And when at the Woods he can get pushy for others to get naked. I remind him all the time, not everyone is as comfortable being naked as he is, and it ultimately give nudist a bad name. He make me mad often.
@ Mistress - Yep, poor and sexualized behavior is what gives nude beaches a bad reputation and gets them closed down. Next time, try telling him that he actually may be ruining it for himself!
Everyone is different. Including your own family. The dad and the son will be from different times and would each have different experiences.
Growing up I wasnt comfortable with being naked around others until I had left school and started training for kick boxing (couldnt compete due to unable to keep a stable weight and bad ligaments in my knees). The people I was around during that time were the most body positive people I had met.
Let the other person come to terms with it themselves. Dont push someone into doing something they are not comfortable in doing.
IMHO, his father must be respected in his feelings and in his choices!
Post a Comment