"Me and my buddy have been jerking off together since we hit puberty. We like getting together on a regular basis a few times a month. My wife doesn't mind at all. His wife isn't happy about it. What makes this worse is his wife is my younger sister. So now he's not just my buddy he's my brother-in-law. Its not like its been a big secret to her. One time when our folks went on a weekend trip and my buddy and me spent pretty much the whole time stroking our dicks and my sister knew about it. Now that she married him she's making things difficult. I don't think its fair of her. Do you have any ideas on how we can convince her to let us keep stroking together? Me and my brother-in-law think its harmless fun."
If your sister was aware of the activity then and now, what reasons does she give for her reticence? Your buddy/brother-in-law is going to stroke his cock regardless of his marital status. Does she know that?
Mutual masturbation, or Buddy Bate as it's being called now, is getting to be an out-in-the-open common thing for men - regardless of sexual orientation and regardless of relationship status. It's a guy activity; some men are only in it for a sexual release, some are in it to form true non-romantic friendships.
I wonder if she would benefit from reading this blog post on the subject of guys jacking off together: BatorBlog.
Readers?
Any words of wisdom to help the situation?
10 comments:
I ain't got nuthin'.
Let the sister see what the return's are here. A more fulfilling sex life for her in the long run. Bring her around to being educated in sexuality in totality. Sex is Sex is pleasure.
It's not like there sucking each other cocks, it's harmless fun, I say keep stroking together, unless it affects his sexual relationship with his wife.
I wonder if her jealousy now is more about the porn that the two guys might be watching to get off together. If it is straight porn, she may be feeling that her husband is lusting after other women and the dynamic is different now that they are married. If she was aware of it before marriage that the two of them jacked together, I would not see why it is a big issue now.
Well... I had a couple of (bi-curious / closeted) "best bud" guys I used to hang around with. Had no problem communal pissing when out drinking. We'd grab-ass with each other and jerk off to what ever porn (straight, gay, bi) that was available, sometimes we would even suck and fuck. But the women they married were, like, these psycho's that would NOT let them out of their sites once they walked down the aisle. Hyper, I mean HYPER clingy and jealous. Once that band of gold when on, our relationship completely ceased.
You're lucky that there is just steaming annoyance. I think the only thing you can do is keep it open and honest with her. At some point she will realize that the band of gold is around her finger, not your bud's. But DON'T... give up your buddy.
I would instead ask to his wife what and why it hurts her.
You have such an open, honest, and refreshing viewpoint on masturbation. Thank you. It’s always a pleasure to read your blog. I believe I should be able to control my erotic energy the way I choose without interference or judgment by others. Same for all men, regardless of their sexual orientation. Masturbation, or solosex as I prefer to think of it, is my right. How did you come to your viewpoint? My journey took a while but whether I pleasure myself alone or pleasure myself with a male friend or friends is also my right. My only rule is mutual respect and understanding. That’s all. I learn from them. They learn from me. No labels. No shame. No stigma. Cultivating each of our erotic energies as we please. A totally separate realm from sex with women which is its own wonderful realm! Thanks again for your posts. You have many challenges you share with us so I imagine keeping your own erotic flame lit is very important and helpful to you.
One more thought. I grew up in a neighborhood with a lot of boys. We all went to grade school together and were good friends. Boys, being boys, we’d whip our willies out and pee in unison. See how far we could piss. We also began to realize our willies made us feel good. Innocent as it may sound but this was all before we had any idea what SEX was. All way before we’d reached puberty. So we’d get our willies hard and have dry orgasms that were pretty amazing. We’d just laugh ‘cause it felt so good! Nothing to clean up, either. And we didn’t want to make too big a deal if it even though i think each of us privately thought it was a big deal. It was our secret. I know i thought it was magical and spent a lot of time on my own wanking away. Certainly didn’t think it was SEX! Never talked about it except when we were together, playing around, and that talking was mostly just joking with each other. Puberty hit. We began to produce cum on our own and we stopped doing what we’d done as kids. I assume we all kept masturbating. I know I did! Realizing there was SEX to it complicated it a lot, I think. I’d like guys to be able to relate to each other the way we did in grade school. Just enjoy our willies and each other.
Well, it can be harmless fun unless it gets in the way of the sister and her husbands relationship. She might feel threatened by what she perceives as the intimacy of JO'ing together ... so might have to curtail for the sake of ....
@ Anon - Thank you for your kind words. If you go back in to the archives, you'll find that my acceptance of jacking off alone took a while even though my brother and I (and friends) used to do it together. But, when I hit the military and was invited to the circle jerks with so many straight men in attendance it really opened my eyes. We all did it, we all enjoyed it, so there was no reason to hide it from one another and no reason to not do it together. Some of the guys even continued to attend the circle jerks after they were married; it was all harmless fun.
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