Blogger Comment apps are not working for me at all, so I wasn't able to leave comments everywhere during my blog rounds today. But I did visit. I promise.
"I'm stuck in a wheelchair and the only part that doesn't work since a work accident are my legs. My dick gets hard like any other man and it did every time I had a therapy session. Then my physical therapist asked when the last time I got laid. I told him, Before the accident and I'm tired of jacking off. Guess he took pity on me cuz now he gets me off during every session. My problem is that it feels too much like I'm paying for sex. I'm Bi and tried Tindr & Grindr and they all say sorry but no when they see me answer the door in the chair. I just want to meet someone and have a regular relationship including sex. Any ideas?"
You say you've tried Tindr and Grindr with no success. Those are hook-up apps. If you want a real relationship, you might try one of the dating sites or an actual dating service where folks will know up front about you being in a wheelchair. Believe it or not, there are folks who won't mind that.
Suggestions, Readers?
33 comments:
Be sure that the person knows of your condition before they meet you at the door. Get to know them and they you before meeting in person.
You are correct.
Grindr is for hookups and the men can be dicks. He needs to narrow it down. Dating apps may be better and also a drop by Reddit.
XOXO
He didn't tell how old he is which is not relevant but helps.
For me I'm on Gay411 and Gaydaddy and there are some guys like him who are quite attractive.
The advantage of Gay411 is that there is a GPS fonction to see guys near your location but you must pay for is. But it's not expensive : $24 US for three months with many foncitions like blocking those you don't like or are annoying,
"Never give up."
I'd say keep trying. I know there's fear and prejudice behind those negative responses, mostly fear of the unknown. You'd also have to weed out the fetishists. But I'd have no problem being FWB with a guy in a chair or with another kind of impairment. There are surely others near you who are open to differences.
Yep. Good suggestion, if those apps allow for that.
Reddit? Huh. Who know?
XOXO
Great info for him. Wouldn't it be great if he lived in your area???
I hope he keeps trying. Everyone deserves to have a partner.
You're right, it's fear and prejudice behind the rejections. I hope he manages to find someone.
In the Los Angeles area we have a massage workshop where men gather to learn massage techniques. The group typically is about 20 men, with 10 massage tables. Our instructor is a certified massage therapist, expert in bodywork for sports injuries, etc. We meet once a month. We practice total body acceptance and age acceptance. We have had a blind man join our group. We surely would welcome this man to join. Also, I know that many male queer massage therapists would love to have this man as a client. But he should have an open conversation with the therapist about expectations. There are options to pursue.
if your therapist is willing to help you out, it's not paying for sex. Either one of you could say "no, not this time" .. you can also tell him you feel that it's "paying for sex" and discuss it.. he's probably encountered men with this need and more than likely you can come to some kind of mutual agreement about the interaction.
Absolutely correct about the hook up apps, true dating/relationship sites my be a better choice. Also getting involved in the community and meet new people. Best of luck.
Ditto for keep trying, AND get active with other people doing things you like. We have big elections coming up, lots of nonprofits have had their budgets cut, everybody needs help volunteering. The more you circulate with other people the better your opportunities of meeting the right person. Hugs and bisous.
I think it's just finding the right person. Years ago, I hooked up with a guy in a wheelchair for a few months. He too was bi. And while he didn't have use of his legs, he was cute and had a very nice cock. I would help him to his bed, he'd get turned on watching me strip and get myself hard and then I generally blew him and I would end up riding him while he was on his back. Trust me....There is a crowd out there for everything and everyone.
Why does the OP necessarily feel that the therapist took pity on him? There's a kind of enjoyment in being able to give someone else pleasure or relief, so the therapist may have offered that because it benefited both parties at the time. It doesn't have to be equal to still be worthwhile.
Professionals are somewhat limited in providing sexual relief if it isn't an acknowledged part of the paid service, mainly because government wants tax from paid sex services and so would redefine it as prostitution. They also have to be very careful in offering something that the recipient might find offensive. Even if both parties are open to it, it's not something that is readily consistent in professional circles, even when offered at no cost for the practitioners enjoyment too.
The OP is not paying for sex because it is not included on the schedule of fees. This is something offered by one person to another outside of the professional interaction, because they want to. Certainly they are undo no obligation to do so. There is also no commitment, so no pressure that comes with such things, just a casual mutually agreeable arrangement that will last as long as both parties wish it to.
Unfortunately there are few situations where such things can be offered without being viewed as prostitution. Conversely, there are not that many people who are interested in developing a relationship with someone whose situation may affect their own life, when there are so many others to choose from: lets face it, people can be selfish, it's human nature, just like the thought that the grass is greener on the other side and I deserve the greenest grass possible.
It's a bit different if people experience a disabling incident whilst already in a relationship and yet more people than you would expect will leave that relationship for better prospects: an increasing number of men are experiencing their wives leaving when things go south in one way or another as if the relationship vows they took were just lip service.
In my opinion, therapy should be wholistic in that sexual expression is an important human need (more so for men than women) and sexual relief can be part of the healing process and should be able to be offered to everyone, but in the absence, professionals should be allowed to offer it if no further payment changes hands.
I think the OP might do well to contemplate how they may be able to obtain casual sex relief from this therapist, or other sources; develop platonic friendships (including remote via telepresence) with people who share particular common interests; and explore their other fundamental life needs and how other independent sources might be able to satisfy them, than the traditional one source meets all needs where the planets have to align on many things for both sides at the same time.
As they say, there is more than one way to skin a cat.
I do hope the OP can achieve what they desire in the way they desire it, however I think expecting one source to be all things is a big ask in the current circumstances and not just for the OP but for many men, whether the disability is physiological, psychological or even perceived like looks, height, wealth, etc where women are involved.
Kudos to this guys PT who provides him with release.
They have needs too, why should in any way they be denied !
Sexuality is a human and humane need.
-CA jock
This. And I would add, the cutting out of DEI also cut off consideration for the disabled. So find either a disability rights group or a general political group, you should be welcome.
Bisexual men are in a better position to get their sexual needs met, since they also have access to men who may be more in-tune with the OP's sexual desires as a man, as well as knowing better what men like (anecdotal evidence suggests men give better blow jobs or hand jobs than women in general) and are more prepared to pursue recreational sex for the frequency and no strings fun, than women who have other things on their mind than just sex because of their biology and are perhaps looking for more.
I think men can also be less choosy about appearance or other things because its mainly about sex and below the waist, most people are very similar in the fundamental capabilities.
My husband has had issues for a couple weeks. First he's been unable to cum. We've tried every position possible and he still can't get it to shoot. Now he stands at the toilet straining to pee and still doesn't want to go see a doctor.
He has to see a urologist.
Could be an enlarged prostate, if it is he could eventually get blood in his urine as the blood vessel in the bladder are very sensitive. If the prostate is enlarged they generally use procedures like lasers and if the prostate is very large aquablation with a jet of water is utilized.
I think that's great! There are options and I do hope he finds one.
Excellent point. Maybe meet outside of the official therapy sessions....
Community groups are always a great way to meet people.
Excellent advice --- from both of you. Thank you.
Hugs and bisous.
Nice to hear. I hope this guy is successful in his pursuit.
I agree 100%.
Exactly.
I agree...he needs to get out and mingle, or try one of the dating apps and look for another bi guy.
Yikes! Can't cum and can't piss, either? Whether it's an enlarged prostate or an infection, get him to a doctor - PRONTO.
Well, yes, he could be going to a sex therapist, which would acceptable. I think he's asking for suggestions on where he might find a sex partner other than his physical therapist.
For the guy in a wheelchair, I'm also in a wheelchair although I can stand up and use one leg and well my dick works but I don't cum if I don't do other things; the reality is that the apps They don't work, you need to do activities, in the past when I was in your situation I went to school and found several stable partners; you need to go out and meet people Outside the internet. I'm in my 30's btw
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