More from the Mail Bag:
"Women don't find me attractive. I'm the guy in the bar they talk with until someone else comes along and I see them walk out the door with those guys. I'm getting increasingly frustrated. Yes, I jerk off like everybody else but it really gets tiresome. Even though I'm horny it feels like a chore. A co-worker I've talked to suggested I find a buddy or two. I have to confess it intrigues me but I'm nervous about naked in front of another man let alone masturbate with one. Any suggestions on how I might approach this with more comfort?"
Jump in with both feet and attend a jack off group?
I'm joking. Sort of. Yours included, many reasons lead men to those. But no doubt it can be intimidating at first. No, I'm going to suggest that you join a local gym. No "towel-dancing" (as it's sometimes referred to) in the locker room. Which means, you undress without trying to hide your genitals. You shower without trying to hide your genitals.
Don't be the dude who walks through hiding your genitals.
Seriously, being naked in front of other men shouldn't be a big deal but I know some guys have trouble managing it. With some minor differences, we've all got the same basic equipment there.
It all functions the same.
Get comfortable in your own skin. That will build confidence. And you might just find that a renewed sense of confidence may be all you need to be the guy leaving the bar with the woman. Women like men who exude confidence.
The other consideration: That may have been a subtle hint that your colleague is offering to be that buddy.
Just a thought.
Readers?
11 comments:
Are you offering? That would be my response.
love your wisdom!
I think your advice about building up more confidence by being naked in the locker room around guys is a great suggestion. I think that comfort level will help him if/when he decides to go to the next step with a jack off group.
I think spending more time in the nude at home is another way to become more comfortable in one's own skin. I would even suggest that he look in a mirror and celebrate his body by recognizing good qualities about himself. Every man can celebrate something about themselves and I think that would be confidence-building.
I had a friend who was having some body confidence issues. How he arranged this, I don't know. He talked to a gay counselor and convinced him to allow him to hang out nude in his home while the counselor and another guy who he did not know were there clothed. Being exposed in front of dressed people actually did work for him to get over the hurdle of body image.
I dont see what need to be changed in your answer nor what can be added to it. I am incredibly frustrated by this incapacity. I only see one possible explanation, I'm probably out of shape.
But not so much that I can not send you my best hugs and bisous, my darlings Jean and Pat.
I know when I have friends who want to get comfortable with being naked, I take them to the Woods Campground which is clothing optional. If there is a clothing optional place accessible to him, he may want to check that out. Sometimes a nice normal setting like a lake or pool is a good place to get started. but when it comes time for jacking off, he may want to start with one person first. Maybe place a ad for a jack off buddy?
Im more then happy to volunteer to help him!!!!!
Hey Bro, Good advise. Your last point may well be true. Reader should ask his friend how to go about finding a wank buddy. If the friend was hinting, it would give him an opportunity to volunteer.
I hope all is well with you and yours, my Friend. Hugs, Licks, and Strokes, AOM
Playing catch up from last Friday. She should talk to her Doctor. I have even been offered advice on those same subjects by my own doctor, so it is certainly something that she can bring up. Trust me, doctors have heard it all so this is not a big deal. Hugs and bisous.
The gym locker room is a great place to start. I went from towel dancing to walking to stalls without a towel, then graduated to showering without a stall and finally hanging out naked in the hot tub. Great comfort builder! I’m now working on attending more clothing optional spaces. Got out to a nude beach last year with a group of friends and I cannot wait to go back!
Now if only there was a hate group in my area...
@ Jean - I've copied your comment and sent it. I hope she takes your advice...I never thought about sending her to a doctor.
Great advice.
To the letter writer: jerking off with a buddy, you don't have to get naked if you don't want to. But the idea of getting used to letting it all hang out in the locker room is a very good one. A lot of us of a certain age had to do this in gym class starting in 7th grade and going through high school. I've always struggled with my weight, but the more you do it (and the more different kinds of guys you see) the less of a big deal it is. It can also be kind of fun when you run into someone you know, naked in the locker room - kind of an "oh - well, here we are, might as well get on with it" moment :-)
A lot of my friends know me as "that buddy". A mutual jerk a day keeps the blue balls away.
But what your friend also needs is to get used to nudity. That could start with just hanging around naked, going to the gym and not hiding your genitals. From there it can expand to nude beaches.
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