As Six ponders the film Power of the Dog - a good look at stereotypes itself in the form of toxic masculinity - we return to our questions from Fabricio to help us identify more.
"Why do all straight men think that if they get close to a gay man, he'll hit on him?"
It's ingrained in males from a young age. The jokes usually begin in locker rooms and showers. "Don't drop the soap" is the first and foremost that comes to mind.
It may also be that those men are afraid to acknowledge their own curiosity.
One previous friend of mine admitted he avoided situations with gay men because he was afraid he'd actually like it.
Readers - What are your thoughts on straight men being afraid of gay men?
20 comments:
There is a bit of over panic...but I can see their point a bit. I have several gay friends when they get around straight men, they will start getting fresh or hitting on them...some even have a straight man fetish...which in both cases doesn't help the case. But on the other end of the spectrum I have a straight friend who is so comfortable he will sleep in my bed with no qualms
They're afraid of being thought of as less masculine if they associate with, or do "things" with, a gay man.
In my nearly 50 years as an athlete, I've showered naked with thousands of other naked guys and nobody knew about me. In fact, there was a lot of banter, even non-sexual touching that nobody thought any thing of.
he was afraid he'd actually like it.
for this reason
Historically it was treated as a crime. And actually in the not too distant past even the hint, ruined many a public career.
During the early stages AIDS epidemic, a lot of gay men were forced into the public. It took a lot of courage for friends and co-workers to support their friends and relatives. Many did not.
All of this accounts for a lot of fear by men.
Hugs and bisous.
Many American males are insecure about their own sexuality. Straight men who are afraid gay men will hit on them are insecure. It won't often happen, and if it does, just say no thanks.
"He was afraid he'd actually like it."
I suspect that rare is the man who didn't stroke off with a buddy, maybe even trading hands.
And unless a man is at that end of the spectrum that is 100% straight, in the right situation most men would experiment-- at least letting themselves get a blowjob, maybe even plug an ass. Those are 'not gay' things. Or so they say.
Of course, there are those who let themselves enjoy, but beat up the 'gay' man to 'prove' they're really 100% man.
I think those men who can relax and let themselves enjoy a time (or a few times) with a buddy will be better adjusted. And they don't need to give up women!
As far as the fear is concerned, the 'drop the soap' jokes pretty much says it all.
And the chutzpah of the men who are afraid, thinking they are god's gift to the queers, and that no woman or man can resist their manly body!
--PaulMmn
Wondering if straight men believe that since most men (straight that is) want to get or conquer every female they see or desire, that gay men feel or act the same way...wanting every man that "comes" their way?
I'm afraid of straight men. Especially straight white men. There's something wrong with most of them. TPS (tiny penis syndrome) mostly. But their sexist, racist, ageist, homophobic... so, I don't wanna know 'em - unless they've evolved. White privilege... it's a real thing, you know.
Why do all straight men think that if they get close to a gay man, he'll hit on him?
Firstly, how do they know he's a gay man? For the sake of argument, lets assume they know for sure.
Well, if a woman gets close to a straight man isn't there a strong chance the man will hit on her because of his sex drive and sex attraction? Why would it be so different with a straight man and a gay man as it's still the same sex drive and sex attraction at work except in this case same sex attraction?
As for fear around gay men, I think its partly due to masculinity being called into question because of the association of being penetrated with femininity, although a gay man is just as likely to be the one who is penetrated as the one being penetrated and sex with a man can take many forms and may not even include penetration. There is also the ongoing myth that passive and aggressive are even associated with masculinity or femininity: women can be dominant and aggressive and men submissive and passive. The reality is that what 2 men do together is simply what 2 men choose to do together: it's not masculine or feminine.
Also, partly due to fear of being considered a homosexual through association and treated like one by being bashed by homophobes. Whilst it is not as common as it once was, there are still many people who are homophobic and wish to punish homosexuals for being who they are. I think that fear still remains in many mens minds.
And, partly through fear of being sexually assaulted. Whilst there may be some gay men who might attempt to assault straight men, just as there are some straight men who still attempt to assault women without their consent, it's more likely that a gay man approaching a straight man is afraid of being abused themself from an angry reaction that is itself triggered by fear: so it's potential fear potentially leading to fear in the other party. Both men have something in common. Remember a previous anxious post from a young man who was attracted to his best friend but afraid of the reaction if he approached him and of his own feelings?
Finally, as others have suggested, the fear of liking it throwing ideas of masculinity into question and the stability of their lives being upset because of a change in perspective. People don't like change.
My suggestion is to take gay attraction as a compliment, and, since you are likely more evenly matched in strength, assault is not likely to happen, so simply thank them for the compliment and say you are not interested, or, if you are interested, find out what is being offered and set the boundaries you want: you are not obligated to consent to anything you don't want to try and there is nothing shameful about being a novice.
Men who are secure in their masculinity (and their orientation) think nothing of other men. At all.
It's like I am able to help a female friend get dressed and nothing would happen. She could be drop dead gorge and I'd be as unmoved as I could be.
There's always fear behind homophobia. But as Maddie points out, some gay men do have a 'straight guy' fetish. Meh.
XOXO
I think its a mixed issue. Many gay men, including myself, have a fascination with straight guys and seek them out for sex. I'm monogamously coupled for 14 years but I still enjoy the "tricked straight" guy porn. But on the other side I think there is just an unknown variable for many straight guys. Either they are afraid of what they will find out about themselves, afraid of being hit on, they had a horrible experience previously as a child or adult they are avoiding or many other things that could be a factor. I never hold back on using the "husband" word in the locker room and most guys are cool. One guy that I thought was cool started changing in another area and would barely speak after I mentioned my husband. You just never know. I give people the information and let them process it however they choose. Its my story and they have theirs.
@ Anon - I think the same - take it as a compliment. And consider the way you hit on women all the freaking time. LOL.
@ Jean - You're right and I didn't even think of those things. Hugs and bisous.
Sex between two men is TWICE as manly. It is twice as masculine by it's very definition. Those old theories about their fear of penetration, being made to feel effeminate by participating in certain acts is just bunk. Gay sex is just twice as manly.
Are those that are afraid of touching another man in some way afraid of that much masculinity. Asking for a friend, lol.
I see men hit on women in public, believing every woman wants them, thinking they just need to convince them, or trick them, or put on the smooth moves. I'm always amazed at the stupidity and lack of self delusion. I wonder if a certain group of men are just always going to think anyone gay or anyone female will be impressed by them and ready to get it on. >It only makes sense that everyone wants them< for some reason.
They get mad if a man hits on them because they are insecure when it happens. Dunno where the hate comes from. BUT coming from an area and a time where men were very homophobic, they are also upset if you are not interested in them. (They can't even get the gay guy to show interest.) The poor things are just so conflicted. They might be threatened if you hit on them, yet upset if you don't.
Having to sit a certain way, talk a certain way, only wear certain clothes all that time was stifling. I wonder if the lack of those rules in another person, makes them afraid.
At college the blatantly gay ("flamers" at that time) said they felt much safer than those of us who did not show outward signs of what straight men thought was gay behavior. We were just like one of them, that is frightening.
I don't quite understand, so I moved to a liberal city 40 years ago and sat the way I wanted, dressed the way I wanted. My home town has changed, tho. The weightlifter, wrestling champ guy from my school gave us drag show at our high school reunion banquet. His girlfriend helped with his makeup, his boyfriend helped with the music.
Seattle
I'm kinda growing tired of these questions.
@ Rad - then you'll be happy to know we've gotten through them all. 😊
@ Anon, March 10, 2022 at 1:19 AM - So much of what you experienced is the bare truth of it all. Glad to hear your hometown has grown up a bit. Bravo to your classmates girlfriend and boyfriend.
@ Anon 1:19 AM - I used to think that whatever men did was masculine, but then I realised that I was falling into the trap of still associating behaviour with sex stereotypes: in reality behaviours are not masculine or feminine because there are too many overlaps and men and women's behaviour is flexible, not to mention diversity that I talked about in a previous post. So, men and women behave diversely. I think the best thing we can do is drop use of masculine and feminine association, but it's going to upset the French. LOL.
Are those that are afraid of touching another man in some way afraid of that much masculinity? I don't think so: I believe it is due to entrenched homophobia in society, despite the enthusiasm shown between men in team sports who are almost humping each other when they win.
For those men who think "EEwww" at touching a man's body, remember that when you masturbate, you are doing exactly that (albeit your own). Just imagine another man's penis in place of yours and how much pleasure he is experiencing from your hand and vice versa: it's not about who is providing that pleasure really, but that it is being provided. I think love is a whole different thing than sex, but the two of them combined must be something spectacular, no matter who it is with.
Feeling threatened when hit on, but upset if they aren't sounds a lot like some women.
It's great to see society starting to be more flexible, more open to diversity and less possessive.
They are all different. Some are just idiots while others dont care.
I have a guy at work who I close with but when he found out I wasnt straight he started acting like an idiot around me. This went on for a bit so I would just walk away from him or cut him off if he had to come to me for anything. Unless it was work related I wouldnt make time for him so he would learn not to be an idiot.
After a week or two I got bored of it so I went up to him and told him to grow up, like hell would I ever sleep with you, go suck a dick you might like it and walked off. He stopped acting like an idiot around me and things went back to normal between us.
He still got the idiot in him but he has learnt his lesson.
Post a Comment